Good morning all. It is Friday so lets all smile about that.

How is everyone making it today? I'm doing ok. I'm off work today and need to clean my house. I never minded cleaning house with my STBX, but it's just not much fun alone, and Sam doesn't help much. It has got to be done though.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

My day is ok. I am so thankful it is Friday. The recording session went well, we got the tracks laid down for two songs. I had a good time, it took my mind off of things.

But this morning I'm a little down. I just keep thinking to myself, that there mus be something I can do. One day I have accepted it and then the next I revert back to the "what if's". I know that this is all part of the process, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I hope everyone's day goes well. Have fun cleaning Tired, LOL. I need to do the same, but it seems that I just can't find the time. When I get off from work and finally get home in the evenings, all i want to do is just sit down. And if it's pretty on the weekends I can't stay in the house and clean, who wants to do that? And if its raining on the weekend I just want to lie on the couch with a warm blanket and watch movies. I guess I'll just have to force myself to do it on Sunday. We are recording all day tomorrow again.

Glad the session went well. Have fun tomorrow.

Abandoning hope is very hard to do. I'm an optimist, I guess all of us on here are, and it's so hard to say that it's over. Acceptance of the end probably takes longer than anything to achieve. If I had a nickel for everytime I said "What if", I would be rich.

It's supposed to rain and be cool here all weekend, so I will probably do a lot of reading and watching movies. I can always snuggle with Sam if I catch a chill.

Good Morning..

Hope everyone is well. Tired - I just noticed that you filed for Divorce the same day as my H. I responded in the 30days that was required...but now what? I keep dragging my feet and I know my H is too busy to be filling out financial forms etc. So .. I guess we can just be in this limbo until someone takes the next step? Do you consider yourself divorced even though it isn't "final"? I think my H does...but I don't. I still call him my H, and I heard him tell the mover that his wife was taking such and such. I know every state is different. I need to figure this all out - sigh.
Well let's all be "up" - fake it till you make it!
Cis

Hi Cis. I don't think of myself as divorced, in the fact that I couldn't want anyone else right now. I can't abandon my vows until it is over. She has and still is acting single, but I can't do anything about that.

I did file for D, but if you know my story, I didn't want to. Just couldn't live any longer with OM in the picture, and she wouldn't give him up. We have both filled out the paperwork and submitted it to my lawyer, and now just waiting on a court date. In a sense, we aren't married anymore, but my love for her and my honor won't let me act single until I am. Those vows really meant something to me. I wouldn't try to read too much into what he calls you or anything like that. If he loved you like he should as your H, he would be walking through hel! to keep this divorce from happening. I know that I would do anything to save my M.

I agree. Lets be up. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they can make us miserable.

I believe, if you have responded...he's the one who has to take the next step. He's the one dragging his feet, not you. He has to fill out all of the financial associated stuff before you can move forward. After my H finally got his financial stuff filled out, we had to wait 90 days before mediation could even be scheduled. That's the state law where I'm at. They give you a "cooling off " period, or so they call it. Not sure about you.

If he keeps dragging his feet are you going to try to push forward, or just stay in the "limbo"? Maybe you should call your lawyer and see what's going on. Or, if you're like me, I WANTED my H to drag his feet. I was in no hurry to rush anything.

Soon, where are you at in the process now?

Waiting for mediation, May 24th. If we can come to an agreement on May 24th, all judge has to do is look at it...sign it...and it's over. Lawyer said it would take about a week for D to be final.

How about you?

Anyone heard from Thankful? I'm curious about how the talk went.

Wow! I didn't realize after mediation you could be divorced in just a week? My mediation is rescheduled for 4-12. My husband was text msg me telling me he missed me and I just want to tell you goodnight but when I told him I was thinking about not signing over our house to him he told me to never send a text msg or call him again. When he did that I knew he was just leading me on about missing me. And some days I'm like I can do this-I can be single and be happy and then other days it's like why does this have to happen? And I start on the "what if's" too. I know Ishould look forward to the weekends and it being Friday, but since all of this I dread the weekends b/c I'm home alone in my house and just keep replaying the goodtimes in my head. I sit on my back porch and think about our many conversations we used to have on our porch. And maybe we just need time apart, and will get back together oneday or maybe my whole marriage will have been a mistake. Ok, I'm stopping the pity party! Things will be ok for everyone. Just keep praying for God to get you through it and give you strength.

Nope, not heard a thing from Thankful. I hope she's ok and is still making progess.

Done cleaning house for awhile. Beaux, I'm sorry what happened with your H. Seems like whenever they get nice, another knife is headed for your back. Do you have friends or family that you could spend time with? I know that sitting around the house alone can lead to "stinking thinking", replaying old conversations, the what-if game, etc. I still do that sometimes, reading old cards and notes, and all it does is brings me down. Try to go out with friends if at all possible. It may not be fun at first, but like Cis said "fake it till you make it".

Well guys. I'm outta here in a little bit. I've been sad today. It's just not been a good day. H did call earlier to say "thank you" for last night (SF). BTW, is it strange for spouses to thank eachother for SF? It makes me feel like I just done a favor or something. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. He has said it so much that I've even started to say it. He didn't used to say that, and every once in a while would be ok, but every single time.

Maybe it's just all in my head. I read too much into things.

If I don't get to post anymore today, then everyone have a good weekend. THANKFUL: Keep us updated on your situation! You know that Tired and I are mother hens and worry about you when you don't post!

Tired, be good this weekend. Invite some friends over, play with Sam. Just have a good weekend and try to remember that though it may not seem like it now, your life will get better because you deserve it!

Beaux, Cis and everyone else! Have a great weekend. Let's all remember to keep eachother in our thoughts and prayers that someday we'll be happy, with or without our spouses!

I used to say thank you to my wife for SF all the time. I never thought of it as a bad thing, maybe it was. I was appreciative of any affection from her.

Yeah Thankful, Soon and I are getting worried. Let us know how you are doing. I will check the forum this weekend, so post anytime.

Soon, I hope you have a great weekend. Enjoy the recording session. We are all going to make it, so hold your head up and be proud.

Yes, let's all remember each other in thought and prayer. We are good people, striving for what is just and right, and we will be happy!!!

Hi there,
Sorry to make you worry. There was no talk. H ended up not making it in time for us to talk because he was at the Dr's for his stomach - he is throwing up quite a bit, etc...(I am sure it's his nerves) it's unfortunately a normal thing for him when he is stressed but it's gotten worse since all of our problems - I try not to feel bad for him since he is internalizing everything and not getting help for himself, so what does he expect? He just keeps wallowing in this self-pity and misery. He was in a horrible, nasty mood - his whole day was awful & he just complained about his life and what does he have to do...how did he ever get so lost...blah, blah, blah. So naturally we didn't talk about anything and he did not stay here very long. In fact, as soon as he came in the house, he went right to the toilet and you-know-what.

I was rather upset when I awoke this morning - but as the day went on I got better. Me and the kiddos went over to a friends house for the evening and had a good time. Around 7:30 pm H called to say goodnight to DS (he had to call my cell b/c I wasn't home) I answer and he says "Are you at home?" I said "No, I am at our friends house - do you want to talk to DS?" He said "Yes" (Meanwhile, there are about 10 kids over there, my DS is playing piano with one of them and I hand him the phone...) After they talk he gives me the phone back and H says he'll pick DS tomorrow around 3, I said "Ok" and he says "Is everything okay over there?" I said "Yes - see you tomorrow! Bye!" Not 3 minutes later, I get a text message from him...it says "Happy st Pats Day" - To myself I am like, WTH! Neither one of us are Irish...he is whacked!! So I just didn't respond to it.

Ugh!!!!!

Good to hear from you Thankful. I'm sorry things have gotten to this point for you. I think that you were super in how you handled to phone call. Let him know that life will go on without him.

The text message shows that you are scaring him. He's looking for reasons to stay in contact. Keep up the tough love and he will start thinking about all he is losing.

Thanks Tired.

I'm really worried about him. He called this morning, bawling his eyes out, telling me he doesn't even want to live, that he is scared of every possible decision he could make, what has he done in his life to deserve this, that he isn't good enough for anyone, how sick to his stomach he is and that he was throwing up all night long and that he is just a wreck.

I honestly don't know what to do. I asked him if he needed me to come get him or if there was anything I could do. I said that he was really worrying me and he said "I'm worried about myself too"

I'm really scared right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What did his doctor tell him? Why is he so scared of coming back to the M and making it right?

This does sound scary. Is his sickness a physical problem or do you think it is emotional? What did he say when you offered to come get him?

Sorry for all the questions, it's just hard to understand what is going on. Sometimes people will tell you that they are sick and don't want to live, just to gauge your emotional attachment, but if he's actually sick then I don't know. I do not mean to take anything lightly. A statement that someone "does not want to go on living" should be taken very seriously. Can you talk to his family to express concern?

The Dr did tests on his stomach, they didn't find any holes which is what they were concerned about. He already does have ulcers, so the stress right now is affecting him in that way. I believe the sickness, vomiting, etc...is emotional. I know he isn't lying. HE also said he had a few drinks last night, which is not something he should be doing in his condition. As I said, he is not helping himself just making matters worse.

He says he is scared of every decision:

1) Afraid to come back for fear of it not working out and us not feeling for each other the way we used to & being unhappy together

2) Making the decision to leave/divorce for fear that is also wrong and that he will be alone for the rest of his life and unhappy and end up wanting me back & it be too late - also scared of his kids hating him for leaving

3) Afraid to end it with MOW for fear that is the wrong decision also, because of his "supposed" feelings for her. (He has never said this to me, but I believe this is a factor)

THIS JUST SUCKS!!! the only family around for him is his brother and that is where he was going/is staying right now. My H has been having these suicidal thoughts since this all began - I just don't know what else to do right now. Evidently I am the only one he mentions suicide to.

I don't understand the fear of coming back and things not working out and both of you being unhappy. It doesn't sound like anyone is very happy with the way things are now.

My STBXW made the statement several times that she wasn't sure that this is what she wanted, and she might regret her decision to leave and might want to come back, but it would be too late. This is a common statement for someone contemplating leaving. They want to think the grass is greener, but they just aren't sure.

I think the only feelings he has right now are for him, not you or MOW. If he truly loved either of you with all his heart, he would walk through hel! to be with one of you. He's probably thinking of what happens to him if he makes a wrong decision, so instead of making one, he's trying to have both and keep his options open. He is sure not thinking of the misery he's putting you through.

If you can talk to his brother, try to do so and tell him about suicidal talk and his sickness.

Sorry if I came across as short with him, but this is his creation and he needs to be man enough to make a decision.