When your WS is living out of the home and actively seeing OP, and you are in Plan B, what do you consider your "status" to be? What do you tell people? That you're single? Separated and dating? Separated and not dating? Not available? Very much married?

In reality, because my SO "broke up" with me and is "dating" OP, I AM single.

But, I don't FEEL single.

I have no interest in dating. Just working on me and hoping for reconciliation.

What about you?

If you're not divorced you're still married.

Chaka,
Are you married?

[color:"green"]Be careful.

Aside from the moral implications, you want to give your H another excuse not to save the marriage? - you're a WS too?

As to what to tell people, take the opportunity to work in some exposure: "I'm very much married and working hard to get my cheating husband's head outta his butt." [/color]

No, we weren't married in the legal sense, but we had a five-year, committed, [formerly] monogamous relationship that, for all intents and purposes, to both of us, was just like a marriage.

No, I am not the WS and, aside from my values, after experiencing this, I NEVER would be.

I'm not implying that you are. Just that your "partner" would use your dating as an excuse to justify his dating.

So you were in a committed relationship for 5 years. Do you have any children with him? How old are each of you?

WAT

I know you weren't WAT, I guess I was just saying that I used to believe "anything is possible -- life is life", but that this experience has made it more than clear that I just couldn't ever do to somebody what I have gone through in the last nine weeks.

I am 39. She is 36. I have a 16 year-old daughter.

Since you're not married, have no children with her, and young <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, have you considered cutting your losses and applying what you've learned to find a better partner?

In this sense, dating may be exactly what you ought to be doing. But maybe not until you're pretty sure you would not accept her back. That way you avoid another moving part(s) in the mix and avoid messing up someone else's head.

WAT

Not yet. Maybe someday, but it's so hard to imagine even being attracted to somebody else, much less dating and, egads, sex with somebody else?!?!?!

If and when that time comes, I agree, it will not be until I'm reasonably sure I wouldn't accept her back. If it were anytime soon and she came back, somebody else would get hurt.

I haven't given up all hope yet though. Sunday was my final Plan A day and I'd say it went really well. I cooked the "Last Supper" -- her favorite -- for her and a few of her family members that were there. I've lost 30 pounds and looked "really cute" as she put it... "all tiny and tan..." Also, I had asked her to listen to the first CD of "Five Love Languages" and was surprised that she actually did. Something in the book must have resonated with her because (a) she rarely compliments me; (b) I'm usually in the kitchen by myself and she eagerly helped; and (c) she said later, "You did an excellent job on dinner -- thank you". Also, I have not LB'd or DJ'd in over six weeks and she has gotten nothing but love, support and helpfulness from me in the last nine weeks. But, it was too much for me to deal with the "R" (she says "we're just dating") with the OP, so I had to go to Plan B. I'm fairly secure the timing was right and I hope it works. I am, however, trying to remember that there are no guarantees. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your input, WAT.