AFTER BEING TOGETHER FOR 6 YEARS MY BOYFRIEND HAD AN AFFAIR. I NEVER THOUGHT HE WOULD, NOT BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT GOOD MEN ARE IMMUNE BUT BECAUSE HIS EXWIFE DID SOMETHING SIMILAR TO HIM, AND HE HAS NEVER HAD PATIENCE FOR OTHERS WHO ARE IN THESE SITUATIONS, BUT IN JAN I CONFRONTED HIM AND HE ADMITTED TO BEING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. HE HAS MAINTAINED THAT HE WASN'T LOOKING FOR IT BUT BECAME FRIENDS WITH HER AND THEY BONDED OVER SHARED EXPERIENCES. HE WAS ACTING MORE AND MORE OUT OF CHARACTER FROM OCT 2005 TILL JAN 2006, HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC AND OVER THANKSGIVING AND AT CHRISTMAS TIME BEGAN SPENDING MORE TIME GETTING DRUNK, AND NOT COMING HOME. IT WOULD AHVE BEEN OUR FIRST CHRISTMAS IN OUR HOME WE HAD JUST BOUGHT TOGETHER IN THE SUMMER OF 2005. IT'S NOW MARCH AND HE HAS SAID IT'S ENDED BUT HE KEEPS ANSWERING CALLS FROM THIS WOMAN AND CALLING HER. I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE THE PATIENCE TO KEEP WAITING FOR IT TO END COMPLETELY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT WILL ANYMORE. I'VE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM MANY TIMES ABOUT THE AFFAIR ITSELF AND NOW THE CALLS. I'VE ASKED HIM TO END IT ALL AND THAT I FEEL HE'S STILL CHEATING ON ME BECAUSE HE'S STILL IN CONTACT WITH HER. IS IT TIME FOR ME TO LEAVE? DO I KEEP ASKING HIM TO END IT? AM I BEING UNREALISTIC OR TOO DEMANDING TO EXPECT HIM TO QUIT TALKING TO HER COMPLETELY? I DON'T THINK I AM, BUT RIGHT NOW I'M NOT THINKING CLEARLY.I KNOW THE AFFAIR WASN'T ABOUT ME, BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN WORK ON A FUTURE WITH HIM WHEN THIS IS STILL ONGOING, I WANT HER OUT OF HIS LIFE, OUT OF MY LIFE, SO I/WE CAN MOVE ON.WHAT DO I DO?

I have to first disclose that I am not any type of counselor, or professional...just another woman going through tough times like you. I don't think you are asking too much! I'm sure he knows that too but can not see the forest through the trees. I understand having a hard time waiting it out and playing the nice one. Maybe just tell him that you are not going to be his doormat any longer, and he needs to stop contacting her if he wants to work on your marriage. In my experience, there is no way to make him see the affects an affair has on his feelings towards the marriage...for some reason they don't see the coorelation. I liked the saying on this site "they are in the fog". Keep reading on this website...it helps me a ton, and hopefully it will do the same for you too! You are not alone!

This is what has to be addressed before anything else. As long as he`s abusing alcohol and is not in treatment for it there is nothing you can do to rebuild your relationship.

My H is a drug addict. He also cheated on me. We tried to tackle martial recovery before addressing his substance abuse problem. But it was wasted effort. The drug problem had to be resolved first.

I suggest you do a search on this site for addictions and you can also go over to the Emotional Needs board and read through their Welcome thread. You`ll find links to outside sources for help there. Are you member of Al Anon? if you are not I would highly suggest you give them a call.

You can recover from this. But you have to do the right steps in the right order. That is of course IF your BF is willing. He may not be. If he is not then you need to rethink your options. If he is unwilling to stop abusing alcohol and get into treatment then prepare yourself for more of the same if you remain with him. Alcohol/substance abuse and affairs go hand in hand. An affair is just another type of addiction. It`s another method of self medication.

Many of us here have dealt with affair/substance abuse/alcoholism. You are not alone.

I think your best move would be to call the Harleys. Either make a phone appointment with Steve or you can call or email the radio show.