Looking for information that will help my show by actions that these theories in HSHN and LB will work for my marriage. I might be on my own for a while until hubby can see me trying and that what I'm doing alone makes a difference and to pause and think.

I know that I am just as responsible for our mess as he. I am eager to relearn how to treat my husband, but might have to guess at his EN before actually getting the information from him.

Our marriage is in dire straights and sometimes very abusive emotionally. This has to change for both our sakes and our two young boys. I was raised in a home and was verbally abused for as long as I can remember, so I never learned how to treat a husband. I've tried the best I knew how, but know I need to learn more and do a lot better. When things are calm it is nice. It doesn't take much to change that. The one thing I am happy to say is we have just about completely stopped the screaming and bad treatment around the boys. We've gone through 2 marriage counselors. There is an affair and possible pronography addiction and all the dishonesty that goes with those two topics. I have a thick history of emotional and physical abuse (previous boyfriend) and have been working on my self confidence and standing up for myself. My hubby doesn't share emotions very well or hardly at all. When they build up the anger is not far away. He is also very defensive.

How much difference can one spouse make going solo with this program?
Clara <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Please move this post to the Infidelity Forum General Questions II...you will get more traffic and it is a more appropriate place for your issues. You can move it by cutting and pasting what you have here over there.

I'm so happy you brought yourself here and are educating yourself. You are committed to changing you, which changes the dance your H and you are stuck in. That is how one partner can save a marriage.

First, you've already owned your part. Now to get to the details of your part will get you the most help. Name your lovebusters and how you are eliminating them. It isn't just about stopping behavior, but eliminating them by changing your beliefs.

His anger is his own. Not yours. You cannot cause, control or cure him of his feelings. They are his. You can make yourself safe for him to share his feelings, thoughts and beliefs. And you can share yours, respectfully.

You are not alone. I was an abuser and am no longer. So was my H. We went through As and my H is an SA. You are on a great journey. You are not on it alone.

LA