today was a very difficult day. and I handled it as good as I possibly could.

with regards to the new job forefront, got nice email from practice mgr that the docs are STILL in deliberation and are going over mine/my competition's qualifications in extreme detail and will be in touch with me soon. was very nice again.

today my xh picked up ds early from school as I could not get off for the teacher parent conference in time (was working on the ceo of our hospital's mom who is terminal)...and it was a no deal.

he brought ds to his new lakehouse. and asked if I could pick up ds there. his wifey, fv, was at their townhome 30 min away. Before picking up ds, darth leaves me a vmail saying here's a house I'd like to show you...it's near ds's school and yead yada yada. I look at it, and say it's not for me, and proceed to email him the home I do like...seven k more, and yet looks tens of thousands more and is incredibly much more for money. I tell him in email that it's somehwere I'd "want to plant flowers" as when I am t ruly happy somewhere that's what I do...he knows that.

I go to lakehouse and get ds. darth is there with a ton of workers. I walk up to house, almost finished, and he asks me to come in. I do as I am always feeling forever the empowered strong woman of new.

I was DEAD WRONG.

I walk in. first I see near the kitchen a one of a kind design which is a fishtank going up to ceiling..years ago I told him of a home in los angeles my aunt saw and how it had that in there and how cool it was. he then spent the next thirty minutes there showing me his entire dream home...and how everything is so wonderful...it is as though he took all the years of MY telling him what I'd wanted and added it all together. he showed me lighting fixtures, which were just like the ones I used to oooh and ahhh over years back. and how the exterior of the home looked very french country/old world yet was ruggedly elegant, as I had once designed my dream home. even some of the bathrooms were designed similar with the intricate tile design as I had once wanted. not one area of the house was left unturned.

I was aghast. was speechless. I walked to the boat dock to go get my son. who ran up to me and jumped into my arms. he was "happy" to see me at daddy's house. and he grabbed my hand and was so happy to see me there. I felt as though I had to run...and run fast.

my xh then says that he'd follow me to the house I really liked. I said that I had to be leaving (my insides were lurching and I was turning as green and sick as the shamrock necklace around my nect I got 20 years ago at pub crawl with him that I always wear on st. paddy's day).

I look at my ds, and ds says "daddy it's a great house mommy picked out. you gotta see it". so he followed me. I had to make one stop for gas,and he followed.

he looks at that house with me, says it's good and then I show him the other in the same subdivision which is a steal for the money...he liked that one more.

I left and packed ds into his booster seat. X said he'd call the listing agents this weekend. he then reminded me that he wanted to pick up ds this sunday for oc's birthday (she is turning two). as xh drove off, I noticed he was NOT WEARING HIS WEDDING RING...he was off to party as it's st. paddy's day.

what I am stunned by is the following:
1)what I am able to stomach and put up with...my xh owes me tons of money that the court system will NEVER get a hold of...trust me..TWO LAWYERS could not find it and one with a speciality in offshore monies. he owes ds and I the money for a down payment...
2)how he is almost finished building a home that is reportedly over 2 million dollars..and less than five. I am stunned.
3)It was almost like walking into a dream/nightmare going into that home. I thought I was totally stronger than that. I had NO IDEA how much he was recreating all I had once wanted..it was like a horrible dream. It was as if somebody had gotten into my head, flipped thru all of my bent back pages I had kept from architectural digest and verandah magazines.

and I was totally fine...for the first hour and on the way home.

after walking into my home, I had a breakdown. I cried for the longest time ever. I know now why darth had me come into that home. He wanted me to see what I could have had. what I designed. what I desired. and how he is the forsyth county version of james bond. and yet I know that sadly he still cares for me. the whole time totally dressed up with workers? workers? he said when I was coming by to get my son that he was "helping the workers out"...yea, dressed like that. and here was little old me...in scrubs and labcoat...late from working overtime on a very sick and kindly lady who is at death's door.

I was not exactly glamorous..and not how I like to look whenever I have face contact with the xh. just matter of residual pride I guess.

when he showed me the fish tanks...the detail to the lighting fixtures...the master bedroom and the immense closets...and the pool area, the home colors and style...I almost felt weak in my knees. IT WAS WHAT I'D DREAMED OF YEARS AND YEARS AGO.

yet I sucked all up. I sucked up and remained cool, friendly, calm, and nice. I wanted to show him the home I like...and he was nice saying how he would help me even use the workers to fix up any areas needing fixing up/upgrades to any home I get.

several times he would stick his hand out and it was as if he was SHOWING ME HIS LACK OF WEDDING RING. it was NOT THERE. and it made me sad. why? why can't the man JUST WEAR ONE IF HE IS MARRIED???

His new employee of his "home business" as he calls it, was friendly and nice to me...he said to my xh "wow. she looks just like the girl I went to high school with who was homecoming queen. nice girl". I said thanks...and that anybody who could thing I could remotely resemble anybody from high school was a friend of mine. when I introduced myself, I said just my first name. I did not say Mrs. darth vader or anything like that. Just my first name.

My xh the whole time kept staring at my labcoat. My new labcoat has my name...FIRST NAME AND MAIDEN NAME followed by my degree, initials, and medical specialty underneath. He looked at it a few times as if it was a curiosity I would use it.

I think we both wierded each other out. sadly, I understood where each room was , the flow of the house, and the whole thing. he got that too.

it was incredibly sad...but way after the fact.

it had little to do with the house or its value. it had all to do with what could have been...and what was the reality of what was us. i saw darth staring on the upper deck overlooking the lake/dock as my son ran and jumped into my arms. it is in retrospect one of the saddest moments of my entire life.

and my xh just stood there and said nothing..silent totally as our child took me by the hand and showed me his favorite parts of this house..and said "mommy? don't you like this house? well don't you? I know you would like this house."

it will be a total impossibility to go completely Nc with my xh as there are still some residual finances. all who know him and know me, are totally aware that for me to settle them, it is BEST TO SETTLE THEM AMICABLY...and this was directly outta the MOUTH OF MY ATTORNEY YESTERDAY.

I am going to limit contact and not go into that home. I can't do it.

I am going to focus instead on healing some more. Just when I thought I was totally ready for the dating world...for remarriage and the like...this happens. a nd I am crying like a baby downstairs while my ds watches spongebob upstairs.

darn it. I am crying again.

all my xh did was sooo wrong. it was completely wrong. he is not the man I married. and yet still, I see that the man deep down wants and desires WHAT IS NOT THERE...he wants and has built his castle built on broken dreams. OUR broken dreams. a monument to a dead marriage. he was so esctatic showing me the home. and when we were looking at my new potential dream home...20times less than the home he is moving into now...he says to me that the "high end homes in this subdivision are still quite a bit less than his new one". and then he goes on to say "peach hon, you need to get a nice house. not ONE TO STAY FOREVER IN. but one to start off in and maybe use for an investment in a few years when you leave."

I almost teared up at this...I looked at darth, and for first time, tears quietly welled up in my eyes. I said to him..."but darth...WHAT IF I WANT A HOME TO BE JUST MY HOME? what if I am happy here and by myself and with my son only here? I don't want another transient place. I've had enough of them in the last 2 years. Can't I just stay somewhere...I just want to buy a nice home. raise my son quietly there. enjoy life and plant some flowers. just plant a few flowers. I have NOT planted flowers in four years darth. It is time now."

He looked at me staring. He said and turned his eyes away from mine that he had to go, but would contact the agent for the home. and would check out if the second house sold, the other one in same subdivision, the one he liked more.

I was totally fine...until I walked into my home now.

and it all flooded back.

Next month, would have been our ten year anniversary. this sunday is his oc's second birthday party.

too many triggers. too many flashbacks. too much for me right now.

You can be completely healthy. completely as per three phd's...completely as three psych's checked me out. I wanted to know the truth. they said I was fine.

and yet they all said that IT WOULD TAKE YEARS to totally get over this mess. that it would be like how men who ar ein a war, and see too much death and destruction have flashbacks...that would happen to me. and that i would learn how to live with it and how to just cope. I am grateful for those people. I handled today well. and yet somehow I knew in my heart THIS VERY DAY WOULD COME...and I held it together to begin my slow process of closure.

I am overworked. tired. a totally worn out single mom. somebody who thinks the lap of luxury is a little bubble bath. I called my sister and was crying. she cried too. as she knows how it feels to walk in my shoes. she also has the million dollar lakehouse and knows MY heart. she knows my tears were NOT FOR ANYTHING MATERIAL...but for WHAT I ONCE HELD DEAR. and she cried and cried with me. she said that I would need more time. and she said that she could not possibly herself probably love a man again had she gone thru this and her H not returned from his WS jaunt he took a few years back.

she cried too. she said "well darth stole away the brother in law that my husband loved. we all loved your husband...and darth took him from us. your neice and nephew always ask "why did uncle darth turn out like this? why did he do that to our counsin and auntie peach?". she said it has been hard to explain to the kids. My bro in law, who had a brief affair just a few years ago himself, said it was one of the hardest days in his life to explain to his kids why their once beloved uncle, who always had the biggest presents and smiles for them, how he could tell them what uncle darth had done.

sometimes I think no matter how much healing and time...that there is a part of my heart which carries a giant scar and that scar is never going to be viable tissue ever again. sorry for the medical analogy folks.

I don't get this. I don't get the why.

Just know I am going to go back to less and less contact the better. know that it will be impossible to have NO contact, but will not go into that darn house ever again unless I have had my memory erased and do not recall ever having a past with my xh.

NO 2X4. I have been thru enough.

Peachy -

You have made a good life for you and your son. I think your husband is kind of controlling and wants to make sure to rub in your face what you have lost by not putting up with his affairs.

You already know what FV's life with him is like, and I know you wouldn't want to trade.

It would be nice if he would help buy a house for you and his SON, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

You will find someone wonderful that treats you like you deserve to be treated - I just know it.

(((justpeachy))) NO 2x4s here. Just a hug. I cried with yu when I read it.

Street of Broken Dreams . I felt ill when I read the tangible reality of YOUR and HIS dreams. HOW cruel and HOW selfish. Darth KNEW it. He translted everything for you. Into something you could touch and feel.

It is ASHES. It is DEATH of what SHOULD have been. I understand.

{{{{{Peachy}}}}} The PTSD analogy to victims of war and disasters is so true. I like your idea of limiting contact and getting yourself a nice house where you can plant flowers and raise your DS. You are healing. Healing often means being more sensitive to things rather than less. You're way too aware and healthy now not to see the obvious. That doesn't mean you're not strong. I think sometimes growth, healing, even grieving is like an onion in that we have to deal with one layer at a time and each new layer is deeper than the last.

I gotta tell you. I read your story and you have empowered me and reminded me of the woman I am and what I have inspired in my girls. You are a modern day eleanor roosevelt. You should be extemely proud of who you are w/ or w/out him. You are an idol for young women all over based on your professional success alone. W/ the loss of a marriage... it only makes you stonger. In your feild you should know - what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Sometimes I think male spouses are intimidated by their more succesful wife. I know my husband was. When I first opened my business, he said "It will never work". Now here I sit, I triple what he makes and I still want him back. I think they like to subconciously punch you from time to time.

Big deal he has a bigger house... You have a bigger heart. Thats what counts in the end.

You are making me think of the kind of role model I want to be for my girls. I am now for the first time wondering what they are thinking, watching me fall apart over their father, because he left. (I do not break down infront of them, but they know I am trying to fix things that went wrong) Do they admire me for fighting for my marriage, or do they think I am a weak senseless woman?

I do not know you, but I am very proud of you! And as for your Ex, a simple middle finger can say alot.

Julie

Well, peach, I am not even sure he consciously did all the stuff you say he did. I'm not sure he deliberately set out to build the house of your dreams. I strongly suspect that he just put in the house what looked "good" to him, unaware that what looked "good" to him were the very same things that had looked good to you. It's crazy to think of him doing this while married to FV -- but probably more probable than him deliberately building your dream house to get you while living with FV.

He's a sicko, peachy. You know that. And this was a sicko thing, whether subliminal or deliberate.

Who knows why he does what he does. Who knows why he doesn't wear his wedding ring -- or whether he put it back on after you walked out of the house. One could speculate forever, and what would be the point?

The point is you. Because it keeps taking you back to what "coulda, shoulda" been. But that coulda woulda shoulda was impossible with this particular man.

What troubles you, I think, is the same as with my Jabba. Sometimes he looks normal, or speaks normally, and so you think he IS normal. But every word that pours out of a psychopaths mouth isn't crazy. Sometimes they just say, "Pass the salt." Even a serial killer goes to the toilet and washes his hands afterwards. Doesn't mean they're normal.

Here's my suggestion: make a list of all the really weird crazy hurtful things he has done. Keep it in your purse. Whenever you have a "normal" conversation with him, pull the list out and reread it. Remind yourself that it is the same toxic person. That way you won't be "surprised."

Peachy,

All I can say is I love ya girl and this to shall pass.....

Your a strong woman and I am proud to call you my friend...

((( Peachy)))))))

Take Care,
Hurting

Peach--

You know I respect you. You're one of the people I wouldn't mind being a little like. I like your spunk. Your determination. Your heart.

You walked in that house because you kind of needed to. You needed to get a little more mourning out, so to say. You needed to mourn one more thing that should have been. If you hadn't gone in, you might have always wondered.

Your reaction is very normal. Anything my WH does, even seeing a movie with OW, is a small mourning for me. It should have been me. The house thing is a big thing. It's another chapter in the death of a dream.

But you know what--this is not the "Neverending Story." You'll move on to another book with a happy ending. You obviously have a few more chapters to go through.

I am in the beginnings of this. I am caught up in the senselessness of this all. In the raw character of a man apart from God. But as I am nearing the nasty chapter of divorce, I am encouraged in seeing how far you've come.

I am encouraged that your heart was not hard--that you were able to cry. It is healthy to do so. Had a big session myself today--long overdue.

And if anything, I am sure it meant something to your son.

As for Darth--well, he is laying his treasures here on earth. No amount of marble or wood floors is going to fill that void in the that man's heart until he realizes that true happiness and contentment can only be found in being a child of God. Not you, fv, or OW to the umpth power, will ever be enough.

I hope you can plant some flowers soon.
intexas

thanks friends...thank you soooo much.

just sent ds off w/darth for oc's birthday party. she's turning two.

it was darkly funny today...he comes to door. i hand him oc's gift (pretty dress in an easter basket from ds) and he's kinda floored. he says it's a very pretty one...and that I know how to dress children. he makes small talk about houses...we talk more. he asks about financing. he says that his company does NOT do the financing deals, but he can come up w/downpayment and that he can try to negotiate anything. and that he can get his second company to fix anything up for me that needs it. i had been doing the hardwoods in tshirt and sweats. again, not glamourous...but hair good and tad makeup on. heck I always do that though.

he is nice, and we talk about ds's new haircut...he ASKED me to get ds's hair cut two days ago. sadly, for last 2 years, FAMILY VALUES, THE WANNA BE STYLIST, has cut my ds's hair when at his dads' house. It has been scary to say the least. uneven bangs, and I mean uneven! no style...nothin. awful. finally darth says to get his hair cut elsewhere! (I had done it a few times myself, but darth would say NOT to spend the money as FV could do it as she took some classes on it. ) so in I went with ds to a new salon. Guy and girl from Manhattan own it. For the services, great prices I might add. While I am in there, ds gets his cut. I see they do all the work I have done on my hair. What did I do? Got new style, a very very long Jennifer Aniston=ish cut (GO TEAM ANISTON!)and more blonde highlights. It looks so different. It is awesome!

so today darth is inside my home, admiring the new cut on ds, He actually sees that ds has used gel in his hair and has some style now. and that ds was HAPPY THAT I WAS ONE who helped him look "so cool!" ...darth agreed son looked great. He then looks at me. says "like the hair. very nice". I say thanks. we talk a bit more about how to think about options for house, yada yada yada.

And then it happens!

HONK HONK HONK!

OOOOH NOOOO! THE OTHER WOMAN WIFE IS UPSET THAT MY XHUSBAND IS INSIDE TALKING TO ME BEHIND A CLOSED DOOR! He looks at me with a cocked head to one side like a dog does when it is questioning something. I laugh out loud. He looks at me with a pretend mean look on his face. I laugh again. HORN HONKS AGAIN. I say "wow. You're GONNA GET IN TROUBLE. YOU'D BETTER GO OR ELSE you'll not be the only one with cake all over your face." He laughs a little and I tell him to get outta here.

So on HUGE TRIGGER DAY...the day of oc's birthday...it is the other woman..still forever and always the other woman who is not a happy camper.

Sorry. but giving the ow the willies is darkly satisfying.


yesterday went to kite flying contest w/ds and my best girlfriend here and her ds who is in my ds's class at school. we went with her and her H. her H is NOT a fan of my xh. but not hating him either. thinks him an idiot. we're having a great time. picnic blanket out, kids running around, kites everywhere. and when the kids were running and all us adults alone, A and P (my friends) get to discussing the meaning of friday. apparently P, her H has the belief that darth is not finished yet. P thinks I should just be wise and wary...as if the guy has the "greener grass complex" as P put it (apparently this is what the guys at P's office call men who have affairs...good term I think!), then darth is growing weary of his chocolate...and wants a scoop of vanilla now. I said that I am not an OW.

JOkingly, P said...why would you be? You were the legitimate wifey? A said that "P, that was outta line. Peach wuld not sleep w/a married guy. Not even if it were her married guy. wrong and not her style". P said that if it were him, he'd see it differently. and then went on to say that he's a man and well that's mars and venus for ya.

we break out the chardonnay. kids running. we run. kites up and down. awesome time!

A my best girlfriend says that I am just having a hard time dealing with stuff. A has seen my former dream home. she knows my taste and style and agrees that darth who also knows it far too well...did that and was arrogantly showing off to me as "see what I did? don't you like it?" because it was MY TASTE TO BEGIN WITH.

what you folks don't know is this...

I changed darth after I met him. He was into black leather furniture. monochromatic stuff. very high tech looking. and me? I love verandah magazines. My dream home would be winning the lottery and buying Mercer house in Savannah and all its antiques. I like old world/french country with flair. I made darth a convert to that...plus I have an interior designer in la who is an aunt. (*does this matter that for the last 3 years I haven't given a flip about antiques, style, or even adding draperies to my home? but at least I have fancy shudders/plantation blinds everywhere...) so this house..his new castle...is NOT ORIGINAL. darth deep down wants to live like the main character in "Wallstreet" with the high tech gadgets, and man style stuff.

and family values? she has ahem...interesting taste. let's say that last year in their leased manion, in the flowerboxes near thefront door she PLANTED SILK AND FAKE LOOKING ONES AT THAT) in the flower boxes. so NOT me! she wouldn't know home style (unless it is in the windox at cache) if it smacked her in the face. she just buys magazines and shop only for clothes.

so it is definitely MY style home. my closest friends adamantly agree. And last night, my buddies had to go to last minute business dinner so I agreed to take their ds to dinner and to chuckie cheese w/my ds. Before they went out, I fixed A's hair for her. She looked so pretty! Even P her H said "wow peach...NOW YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE STYLIST..NOT FAMILY V." We had a blast! I absolutely LOVE PLAYING ARCTIC THUNDER!

The new hair...little teeny thing for me...the fact ds looks awesome with his new hairstyle too...are little teeny things that perked me up. I have good friends. After their dinner, we met them at a local ice cream chain. we got the kids ice cream.

they both said, "Peach, this year is it. You are absolutely going to go out if we have to force you to. You're a good friend. but hey girl! WE WILL WATCH YOUR DS if you need a date night. We want you to go out. You need it. Her H, P said to me this, "Peach do this for single mankind! and was laughing hysterically.."

So I will. They're so awesome.

I am still mourning a bit. But I can hold my own. I will have to get thru this house thing though...I have waited 3 long years to get to this point, and want to so secure a place where my ds and I can call home for the long term. and yes! flowers.

If a man comes along during all this. SO BE IT! if not, THEN SO BE IT TOO! I need to continue healing and praying.

It is the hardest thing to go thru. But I know I am healing b/c when I picked out the dress for oc's birthday, I did NOT THINK ABOUT FV OR DARTH...I just thought which dress style and color would look good with the baby's hair (which she has) and complexion and eye color. That is healing I can tell ya! She will be adorable in it. And the basket we put it in would look perfect in a picture for easter b/c it's same color scheme as dress. DS hugged me for doing such a good job with it.

Sadly, before they left today, ds turns around in foyer and says in front of darth and me :" Hey mommy? hurry up and put your clohtes on. You're going too right?" I say "no ds." He asks me why. I say that I have housework to do and wood floors to clean. Son says "but mom you do too much. How about a little cake?" I say thank you but I can't.

Ok. how to proceed. I am so worried about this house stuff. the man who was in my foyer this afternoon is the same man who wrecked my credit in the war that was our divorce. it was scary. it was as if the last week, we never had any war at all. Just nice and being easy to deal with.

Today he asked about this house..which is a nice nice house. A bit outta my price range..been doing a lease/purchase on it. He says hmmmm. what does it need? I tell him new carpets, etc...and a problems w/drainage in the backyard. I like it here. Nice home. But it would be easier to have LESS of a note. He knows this.

He said that we have three months to four months to figure this out. That he needed to think.

As for me, I think I want for my family home, a place that is smaller (four bedrooms here)...but finished out more nicely. although it's in nice neighborhood, I have a 20 min. commute to ds's school. And all is builder grade in here. I really want a smaller home. but finished out nicer. And would like to cut commute down.

What is more important to you guys? Me?
1)smaller home
2)finished nicer on inside
3)less of house note
4)ownership...and then the flowers shall come!

Second question.

Healing and mourning. A my girlfriend here and my sis say with warning...that there is a reason that darth is being nice...can't figure it out..but a reason. P her husband says it's clear as a man to him what's going on. That he's back in vanilla mode again and realized what a darn doofus he was...

It has helped me to heal more when I focus solely on darth being the "sith lord"...in fact, calling him that name has helped me distinguish between the ws (darth) and my xh (annakin).

I think that I am scared that my healing and mourning might be impaired if I am allowed to see the annakin side of the man rather than the dark darth vader. For the last week, I have seen no remnants of the WS except for the statements about his new house price/lofty attitude thing. It was scary. I remember when I was commuting from my home state to GA when we were building our dream house. I remember the first time he took me in it after it was almost done. Hadn't been there in some time. He did the same thing with the same exuberance. Showed me every detail and we oohd and aahhh'd over it. Scary. It was the same.

Please let me know if it is better to now focus on the "darth" side of him when dealing with the house? I am scared poo=less to see the nice side of him or acknowledge it even exists (even if it is in small portions) because I BURIED MY HUSBAND TWO YEARS AGO...like seeing the veritable walking dead.???

Would you focus on the Darth side to ease and focus on healing and recovery? Or do as my buddy A says now to do...JUST FOCUS ON THE PRESENT. But I am scared to do that. She says that the present is a combo of both..darth and annakin. What would you do?

I have to get this house thing done. finalized.

Peach,

Hon, you know I love you and your little one so my advice w/b to just stick to the basics. A WS he still is and you know it.

So as your friend said.....be wise and wary.

He thinks you c/b bought. We know u r priceless and he can't touch you with a 10000ft pole. Keep it that way. U r waaay beyond his reach and all the $$ in the world can't make you his again.

He wants to take your choices away. You have fought long and hard to have those choices and you choose NOT t/b part of his As. All he needs is another 's' to be an As_s. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You see where I am going with this right? A rich BS, a poor BS.... we are either one but we are all a strong and successful BS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Peachy, I second Orchid's advice. To be specific, get the house you can afford yourself. If Darth owes you the down payment and he makes it, fine, but don't get into any longterm financially dependent arrangement. I agree with you on the choice of a smaller house with nicer finish work.

Darth may still be trying to get to you, he may have ulterior motives that involve you, but you have the choice as to how you respond. Your friend is right, he's now a little bit of Annakin and a little bit of Darth. Hopefully this improvement will be of benefit to your DS.

Meanwhile, you are a strong, smart, beautiful woman and your friends, both here and at home, all want only the best for you. Darth, on the other hand, even with the little bit of Annakin he's let back in, still has a LONG way to go!

Well, I didn't say that in my last post, peach, that's kind of what I was thinking, with the on-again-off-again wedding ring, etc.

But the point is, IT MEANS NOTHING. He drifted towards OWs, now he's drifting back towards you. He's not ending things with FV as a prerequisite, to show any real change-of-heart. He's kind of hoping that things just happen. Like OW#1 just happened. Like FV just happened. Like the OC happened.

But you don't want a life where stuff just "happens" to you.

All this is interpretation, peach -- we're reading tea leaves. Whatever he's thinking, whether it's to punch you or kiss you, it really doesn't matter.



Sweetie, that's what I was trying to tell you.

I stick by my advice. Write down all the nasty-nasties he did, and keep it in your purse. Reread it after every interaction with him. Keep reminding yourself that although you are dealing with the good Dr. Jekyll, the terrible Mr. Hyde is just around the corner.

jp:

Detach!

Your "heart" is not his, it's yours and your son's.

You know you do best with minimal or no contact with your x, right? Go there. Stay there.

I'm not sure keeping any reminders of his antics in your purse that you read over again is such a good idea. It's not detaching, it's villifying. And while it might be just, it'll also dwelling.

-ol' 2long