Well, not quite, but I got a small taste of what it felt like to be on the wayward side of the whole equation yesterday. There's this guy (let's call him "Bob") that I've collaborated with professionally over the years. We worked together at a small company for a couple of years and then both left and started up home businesses around the same time. When we started working together, I was going through my divorce from my first husband and I was feeling pretty low. Even though Bob was happily married with 2 kids, he would sort of flirt with me in what I always took to be a very innocuous way (I figured he was just trying to boost my somewhat fragile self-esteem). For the past year or so, I've been doing more and more work with him and we've been getting together at least once a month. Usually it's at a restaurant, but often I go to his house. Now, during all of this time we've kept this relationship professional -- no after hours drinks, no gossiping about the intimate details about our marriages, nothing that seemed to cross any line. Most of our conversations have always been work-related.

Yesterday, I stopped by his house to drop off a check and his wife answered the door. This is the first time that I've been face to face with her since Bob and I worked at the same company (where I met her at a Christmas party). She obviously knew who I was because she immediately called to Bob and said "it's for you", meanwhile looking at me somewhat suspiciously and not greeting me directly. Granted, she had company and there were dogs and kids running around everywhere, but I just got this vibe from her that she didn't like me, or trust my relationship with Bob. I went up to Bob's office where I stood in the doorway and chatted with him for a minute or two, then we went down to the kitchen where he showed me the new cabinets they had just installed (wife was sitting at the kitchen table with her friend). I admired the cabinets and then after some small talk, said I had to leave. I turned toward his wife and she glanced at me, but then continued her conversation with her friend. I just kind of smiled and headed for the door.

Now, maybe Bob has a little crush on me and his wife has picked up on this from the way he talks about me, or maybe I'm just being overly sensitive, I don't know. I do know that I will be extra careful on how I interact with Bob in the future. And if my marriage gets back on track, maybe it would be in order to invite both Bob and his wife over for supper, or at least out for a drink sometime.

It just feels weird being on this side of the fence, even though it's just perception!

Your intuition c/b right on the mark. Whether it is or not, you can nip it in the bud. Make an effort to show interest in his W and family, not just your buisness partner.....Don't over do it but something friendly, like:

Browyn: Hi Mrs. ______, you have a lovely home and a beautiful family. I was baking for my family and made a few extra loaves of banana bread, thought I'd share it with you and your family. If you don't mind, can you please give this envelope to Bob? It is the workstuff he needs for that project. Thanks.....

You know, so that you acknowledge her and help to see you are NOT a threat to her status as a W.

Say something nice about her, her home or her family then drop off business stuff....cuz that's all it is between u 2, just business.

I have done this and when my H has female interactions I appreciate the same type of reassurance.

JMHO,
L. - me the recovering BS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Could Bob maybe in the time you've both left your old place of work, have had an inappropraite (sp?) relationship and now his wife is leary of all female that come into contact with Bob.

Or it could be as you said that he talks alot about you with admiration in his voice and she feels hurt in it, but you did do the right thing is the standing in the door way and making eye contact with his wife even though she did not respond in favor......