Do you find it ironic that a man who was betrayed but still married to the WS would go to a website for help with infidelity and end up in a PA with a woman that was betrayed herself but divorced. She was posting advice to others about infidelitly and knew this man was married still but feels she did no wrong. What are your feelings?

There is never an excuse for infidelity.

Well, I don't want to get into the whole posting advice when you are still very early in this stuff. It seems like a lot of folks here think it is fine, whether they know the MB plan or not.

But it sounds to me like she and your husband need to spend a little time working a recovery program before they jump into another relationship.

How *she* feels about it is almost irrelevant. It's whether or not your husband feels that it was wrong that matters. While I disagree with moveforward in that I believe there are plenty of reasons for infidelity, most of us in here would agree that it doesn't solve anything and it certainly makes rebuilding a marriage even more difficult. If he did it out of revenge, I imagine that he found the whole experience rather bitter and flat and not the release he might have hoped for.

Good luck to you both.

My feeling is that adultery is wrong no matter where it is found. And infidelity boards are no more immune from affairs than anyplace else.

You have to be kidding? What reasons are there for infidelity? Are you saying infidelity is right in any case at all?

Hopefully, you are confused by what I typed.

bronwyn, there are always lots of excuses for infidelity, but there are never valid reasons. There is simply no valid excuse for adultery. Adultery is always wrong, regardless of whether one thinks so or not.

A sin is a sin, no matter why you do it, or who did it first.

If what you posted is true, that's wrong and very sad. So u r the WS now BS? R u talking about one of us here?

L.

Call off the dogs, lol! I just meant that there may be plenty of reasons or excuses (in the eyes of a WS these are one and the same) that a wayward spouse *perceives* to exist, but in the end it's simply justification for an act that serves no purpose other than to put distance between the perpetrator and the loyal spouse. I'm on your side, really I am!

I am the WS in this mess. I'm having a hard time with both my remorse for the awful mess I have created and I am also dealing with knowing my H was with someone else while we were still married.

I do realize he thought we would never R and did this for companionship that led to sex. He could have waited the 15 days until our court date to do this, it was not that long to wait. But we did stay together and the facts are there that he basicly did the same thing I had done. He a married man who had an A with a single woman. It does not matter who did what first in my eyes. And never the less we both now have to deal with this.

We must work together to never let this happen again on both ends of this relationship whether either of us had "valid excuses" or not. I have owned up to my decision to do what I did but I'm not feeling my h has.

I have appoligized to anyone that knew about my A, such as family or friends that my h confided in for support. I have already gone to the dr. for STD testing. He has not and did not even think of it until I told him I had. If he has something I could get it even before I get my results back and that is not right.

I guess I must keep myself focused on our marriage not the past. But it is so hard!!!!!!!!