Hi everyone,
I am new here, and have stumbled across this website. I couldnt take my eyes off of it anymore, it explained so much, but everything seems too late. I will try to explain my situation as short as possible.
During my marriage, my husband was gone a lot and especially in the last years before the "incident" we had lots of problems, job, money, kids...plus he was only home on the weekends. I felt lonely and met someone online, yes you all know what happened, i fell in love, cause of the countless hours i spent talking to that guy there. I told my husband very early that i had fallen in love with someone online, and he cut me off from the guy, i missed that guy a lot and once snuck a phone call in to him, guess that threw me back.
After 3 months of missing him, and begging my husband to let me have contact to no avail, i blackmailed my husband into letting me have contact again, i told him i would leave him, if i wouldnt get to keep the guy as a friend. Grave mistake on both our parts..because he agreed. Of course my feelings for him continued, even though our online relatioship was never the same again.
After about 6 months of this, my husband couldnt stand me loving someone else, and spending so much time with that guy, and he left to Kuwait to work there. My husband really tried during the time he was still here, he was thoughtful and understanding, held me when i cried because of that other guy when i wasnt allowed to have contact. My husband also had a pretty aggressive temper, not towards me, but some walls in doors still remind me of this time back then.
Well he left and i was finally "free", no more pressure or anything, but he continued with the pressure with up to 60 emails a day, up until to the point where i told him i dont love him anymore, and he should find someone new and get on with his life.
I never got a divorce, he was still supporting me, and we still talked daily, even though a lot of these conversations were very draining. I withdrew from my husband more and more. After a while my husband met someone that comforted him in that rough time, and yes over time a love developed between them. Then my husband came home for christmas for a visit, and i saw a loving and caring man, after he left again i started missing him terribly, and i broke off of all contact to the other man 2 1/2 months later. I wanted to tell my husband that i still loved him, but couldnt bring myself to tell him online.
He came for another visit in may last year and thats when i told him, i had no idea that by now he was in love with this other woman, so he didnt tell me that he loved me back. Guess he was still confused because a day later he told me he loved me on the phone, and we "tried" having a relationship again, which was of course impossible, i pushed him into leaving her, which he said he did after a while, he even had me come to kuwait in august for a visit so he could see it in my eyes. But i felt there was something between us. I tried talking to him, but he didnt want to talk about the past. I left again and felt certain that i would loose him.
In October then he told me that he didnt love me anymore, only as the mother of his children. I was devastated, and tried talking to him, but again he blocked everything, telling me needs time, his head is like in a blender...etc. In november i talked to him on the phone, and i broke down, he was afraid i could do something to myself and told me that he loved me, i believed him. Only to find out 3 weeks later when i called him and heard a female voice in the background saying "you are a player!" that he was with her all along, the whole time since may, even though he denied it all this time. He said he would never lie to me again, by telling me that he loves me.
I had a pretty bad nervous breakdown at x-mas last year at my parents house and they wouldnt to send me to a hospital, my husband had me and the kids come here to kuwait instead. He told my family that she would leave him and that he would take care of me and get an apartment for all of us. Now i am here, he lives with her, he is not leaving her, so i told him i would leave, and in order to get over him i need to break off all contact. He was said and said that i am leaving him again, and that i am giving up too easily.
He hardly ever talks to me or comes by, i guess he doesnt want to be confronted by me, his girlfriend threatens to leave him all the time, cause she cant stand him being here, and me being in the same town. I guess she is scared, keeps saying you belong to your family, she sent me a message on my phone, apologizing what she has done to the kids and me and that she will give back what she has borrowed, but she never follows through, so i never answered her. My husband says he dont know if the relationship to her is a lasting one and that he wants to keep me as a friend, but then why did he bring me here? Why is he saying i am leaving him again, thati am giving up too easily, he says he dont want to give me false hopes.
Talking seems to do nothing, he says he will not have anyone tell him what to do. When i want to leave, he uses all sorts of things to push the date out that i am flying back home.
I love him dearly, and i do want him back, but i also know this cannot continue, does anyone have an idea how i can reach him? I am afraid since we have been living apart for 2 years now, that if i leave this will be the end of it. We always had contact, he knows i would break all contact to him, and i do know it hurts him. I need answers, and i need them quickly. Please, i want to save my marriage. Is there even anything left to safe? After such a long time, after so much that has happened?
Thank you for reading,
Daggi
