For those who have followed my sick saga....yes I'm still fighting off my OM. I have left the office on an extended leave of absence with no intentions on returning. At the moment I have cashed in all vacation pay and am hoping I kick up something prior to exhausting those funds.
It has gotten to the point where not only won't OM let this rest but he has made physical advances...touching, etc. AT first I was so confused with inner feelings and guilt, yes, GUILT then I thought this man is just going to use the opportunity to his advantage. It is almost as if it will be a conquest if he wins me over in the end and my H loses. Looking at all of this just what is my H going to win in the end? Me, I'm not worth the bragging rights. I know that was harsh but this is how I feel about myself. This thing is just eating me alive. I have been swallowing pills to try and improve my emotional state, kill the pain....If i could give anyone once piece of advice, don't go there...ever. It is just not worth it in the end. Here I thought my OM was a God now I realize he is a JERK who will just prey on the next open opportunity because this is who he is and what he is all about.
So....here I sit, searching for my new job, I swear it will be an all female workplace(no wonder I'm not turning anything promising up, lol), have some bites, had a promising interview and will have to change my cell number just to obtain some piece from the OM. I have come to the point where I HATE him, isn't that funny? Thought I was so in love with the creep not too long ago.
At this point in time, I just want him to leave me alone! I am ok and have absolutely no temptation since I am not at the office. I have realized all these feelings I have had for him only generate at their worse when I'm at work, where he is. I buried my OM 10 times over, in the morning process of my "fantasy", he was never real and I am going to get on with my life and try to salvage my M for all that it is worth. Can't just bury 15 years. I owe H this much. I really hope I don't have to call the police and file stalking charges but have come to the point where if I have to I will. I also went to church today. Stayed away for so long...I didn't belong there, behaving the way that I did. God knew what I was thinking even if no one else in those walls knew. That's my story/vent/update. I don't post much but I do visit, I try not to ponder on this as long as OM doesn't show his ugly face of deceipt.(claiming no angel halo here) No, I didn't tell his W....she's terminally ill...yup he's a creep!!!

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I am a FWW (and current BS). The guilt can eat you alive, or you can choose to work to understand why you did it, so it does not happen again. It is not just about not getting needs met.

Also, you cannot undo it, but you can start to earn your H's trust again by being completely transparent. Does he know about the contact attempts? Can you move? Change your cell now, do not wait. Cut off all avenues for the OM.

With time, you will still be horrified by your actions, but you will also begin to heal and forgive yourself.

You are NOT alone...

I feel bad that you didn't think you belonged in church. If all of us went only when we deserved to be there, the churches would all be empty.

Congratulations on staying away from your job. You are doing the right thing, and things will improve for you.

Smfry13,

Could you obtain a RO against the OM?

I don’t have any experience with them but I’ve read many times over here how people get them to force the OP to stop contact.

It’s a pretty clear statement that NC means NC.

Maybe it’s something you could consider.

Stay strong,
Plank.

I probably can PlanK I guess I'm looking at this is I went looking for it, what did I expect kind of thing. I'm just as responsible, but like many have said, NC is NC and he has to stop or it becomes an issue. I just want this all to go away!

smfry, get the RO and get yourself back to church. Every person sitting in those pews are sinners. That is why we need God. {{smfry}}

Hey girl,
Glad you are making changes- and chaging your attitude. I agree that church is a good place for you to be.

Did you ever expose to his wife?

Did you go back and talk to your boss again?

Hang in there.

If he comes near you, let him know you will have him up on stalking charges.

Other than that, things take time, and NO CONTACT is the only way to get to the other side.

Hang on!

And I agree, expose to his wife, boss again whatever it takes. You should expose to his wife anyway.

Smfry, I'm sorry to hear you're still fighting off his advances. It's unfortunate you've had to leave your job, but it's probably a good move. As the others have said, you should make official complaints to the authorities if he's continuing to attempt to contact you. No man has the right to stalk you for any reason, period. And call his wife. Let her know what her husband is doing to you.

Regardless of whether you feel guilty or not for helping to start all this, you are not responsible for continued harrassment after you decided to stop. You have no idea what this OM is capable of. Get the RO without hesitation. Protect yourself and your family. You owe THAT to your husband. You do not deserve "whatever happens". You made a mistake, corrected it and now need to get back to loving and respecting yourself. You deserve THAT.

Please don't hesitate. Get the law in this OM's face right now.

[oops - logged in as WW. Sorry. This was me - not her]

TJ - My eyes popped out when I saw this. I thought Gemela was posting!