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ONS Two years ago on a business trip followed by e-mails (From another continent) (may 2004)
"2 ONS" (if there is such thing) with a local girl he stayed in touch for 8 months after.(Oct 2004-May2005)
January 2006 a ONS (woman from another country) then e-mail and msn daily.
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Before all this he was a happy proud father and good husband.
Until 2 years ago he was still a proud father but blaming himself because of his work not letting him spend enough time with the kids. Still he was proud of our relationship. Even thru all his job problems and stress from it and because he is a very stressed and negative person, we always had each other and we still loved each other deeply and had a great sexual life, he was so proud of, very important to him. Sex are his emotional needs number ,1 2 and 3.

The last two years were very bad and stressfull due to his work. We really went thru a lot, my brother in law (my sister's husband) took my husbands position in the company. To add our kids have problems in school, dislexic and attensive disorder.
For me, I lost all my self esteem, all the respect for myself, I stop believing my gut instinct. I've been wondering between his infidelity and my feeling of guilty for not trusting him. I lost myself ...

Two months ago he did it again and I got final proof so he couldn't deny anymore.
He said he was sorry, he said he loved me, he said we couldn't throw such a good relationship of 12 years out and that we should rebuild.
I have been here lost, I got him here to MB.

We decided to rebuilt and start recovery.

I finally made him see how important it was for him to tell me everything, the radical honesty, And how important the to know the why was for us to rebuilt.
I am not sure anymore if we have ever been in plan A or not. NC letter was sent and I am almost sure no contact with any of them.

I am always the one to talk and expose my feelings and even discuss his feelings and everything. I begged him for the why.

And after so much talk he came to me with his conclusions of why he did it.
He said finally realized he had done it because we had our kids too young, he BLAMES the kids for us not having a better lifestyle (the one he see some friends having that have no kids), that he's not prepared to be a father, that the kids were a big mistake, and that he was having a hard time connecting with them (no wonder he's been with them only for a couple hours not every saturday, his only resting time, so not much in the mood for all their action) - This because he worked from 2pm to 2am and only had saturday free.

I told him I believed he was saying this now because he spend the last two years using it has an excuse to his behave and his "affairs" and because he was guilty. I asked him to really, really dig himself up, and start facing his fears and issues. Andasked him to tell me what he really think about what he had said.
I asked him for his support as now I can't be in charge of much and that if we really want to recover I need him to work hard so we can work together.

Until we had sex again, he was kind and supportive with me, after that he was like... All solved, and really never did what we agreed we needed to change in our life. And really started to be very annoying with the girls.

As I've always been the honest one about all my feelings and always the one to talk, I asked for him to talk and tell me about his feelings... I am still waiting.

He says he had no affairs, so he doesnt really want to follow the MB principals.
For me he was completely childish and irresponsible and for worst - he continues to be.

Right now I HATE him so much.
Right now I dream about divorce and to be able to finally move on with my life. To feel free from him and his stress, frustrations and selfishness.

Right now we just dont talk much. He doesnt talk and I stopped talking because I feel he's to one who has to show me he's interested in recovery. He can't be expecting me to be the one to work alone on this.

Am I at some anger stage or just going crazy? Or is he just a lazy, irresponsible man?
We are worst now that we were one month ago. Is this normal?
Is this recovery?

I feel like I am just increasing resentment.
Should I just be the one once again to talk, talk talk? Or should I wait for him?

I am truly sorry I cant write or express myself properly... I am really confused.

You sound a bit lost, need direction? Call Steve H @ MB for some phone counseling. 4 U 1st. You need to get to a stronger point so you can stand up to his babble.

He is still being an azz.

L.

We are currently living in Asia.

I guess I have to move on on my own.

Our marriage is hopeless. I cant see recovery and I can't live like this.

Thanks anyway.

None of us could see recovery at first. I hope you will do a good Plan A. You need to do that for around 3 months and see if he responds more. During this time, you can work on raising your self-esteem.

After that, there is Plan B. But it is much too early for that. You are very new in this and have a 12 year marriage to save. Don't give up.

Did I got it wrong? I though Plan A was to apply if the WH was still in the affair.
He imediatly stop contact with her and sended a NC letter.

After he finally told me about the other affairs (confirmed), and told me about all that happened during these two years.

I asked for the why. He said he didn't know and that he needed time to think about it.

We decided to start recovery and work on the emotional needs. And do the changes we though we nedded to do, specially because he has always been a taker and I've alwasy been the giver.

Then he came up with his "WHY' crap and ever since he just went back to act and be as always, selfish. Center our lives on his needs and his stress.

I really don't know if I am looking for support on Divorce or for hope to save my marriage.

But I do see a diferent person in him... and this is not the person I loved for so many years.