Since many of us had such a hard time dealing/letting go of our WS, the pains of adultery, and then off to a bitter divorce - I wonder how many other feel like I do.

Yes, I want to spend time w/someone, I want someone I can care about, but M - absolutely NOT.

i go back and forth.

i just dont feel like anyone i meet believes in committed relationships. either that or they are sooooooo glommy (like a leach) that i wouldnt want them anyway

[color:"green"]I don't know what I want. I want to be with my BF all the time and not have to shuttle back and forth all the time. I care about him and want to share my life with him. I'm comfortable with him in ways that I was never comfortable with my ex.

I worry about having to give up my independent ways and how well he would take to giving up his independent ways. I don't think a relationship will work any other way.

I have begun discussing with BF new possibilities like owning a house together and the M word has come up. Both of us are nervous.

I think we will have to sit down and seriously discuss finances and other things that we have only touched on before.

I don't know what I want to do most days other than that I want to share my life with this man. What do you do to get past the fear?

V. [/color]

Yes, I'm with everyone else. Uncertain about even finding that someone special.

if you have fear, then its not right...

why do you need to decide anything? just love the fact that you are lucky enough to find someone you enjoy being with.

there is too much pressure to get married...enjoy your life together without the pressure....less divorces that way

I have to agree with Sunny on most of what was posted...I am in the same situation. I was engaged for 2 years (married previously for 19 years) and he just within the last month or so, called off the engagement. I am still struggling with having to move into his former wife's home and still have not gotten that one resolved with myself.

I try not to ever say "never" cuz it seems to have a way of coming back to bite me in the butt! I can't see getting married again, it would be marriage #3 for me & although some say "the third time is the charm", some also say "three strikes - your out!" So who knows. I do want a SO to share my life with but I won't have SF w/ him or live with him w/o being married so that kind of cancels out having a SO I think. I do believe that God has someone for me & that I won't be alone the rest of my life but I don't know if I will ever be able to fully give my heart to a man again for fear of being hurt & possibly going thru divorce #3. Of course if God sent this man to me to be my husband there would be no divorce. Am I making any sense??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I guess to answer your question though I would have to say I feel the same way.

[color:"purple"]

I had a bitter divorce and still to this day have to deal with a nasty ex. Keep waiting for his anger to subside but it hasn't as of yet. We both had internet emotional affairs the last year of our marriage. He filed, I moved out.

I didn't vow to never marry again... that I remember <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> but I did vow to wait at least five years after the split and not rush into anything again.

My ex and I had gotten engaged soon after we'd started dating, moved in together way too soon, and were married within a year.

We separated December 2000.

I started seeing Westley again in May 2001. (Too soon to date for most, I know.)

L-word August 2001.

He asked me to spend forever with him in February 2003.

We built a house together and moved in July 2005. Then in August he asked me to marry him. (Got that backwards, too, but I knew it was coming.)

We got married in January and have a wedding reception planned for June.

Probably not a typical story, but I *DID* wait that five years to marry! LOL [/color]

Hey XPB, do any of us get invited to the reception?

I live in a community property state, and have recently learned that even a prenup guarantees NOTHING. I am likely to lose everything I had before the M, and even 1/2 the marital property because I can't afford the continuing legal bills needed to fight it. And, in this state, each party is required to pay his/her own legal bills. Though I had six figures in the bank 20 years ago, and owned two houses, I'm now facing a future alone, and financially just scraping by.

Therefore, assuming I ever get out of the present marriage... I would only marry again if I found someone who has way more than I do. I won't marry someone who has less, unless I'm willing to throw it all away (again).

But, I don't like to say "never"... cuz' I could move to a state that doesn't have community property laws. That might be a different situation.

I also wane back and forth. I REALLY like my freedom to do what I like; when I like and spend MY money when I want; on what I want and I'm afraid to lose all that. I hate all the dating mumble jumble. I think for me it will suit me to just have a friend or two to go out and do things with and still have my freedom. No big hurry here...I'm happy the way things are for now.

I have never vowed never to remarry (never say never), but I know it'd be the best not to (not in next 15 years anyway <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) i.e. I'm 99% certain I won't remarry...
I plan to have a nice relationship though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> but not living together...

Reason is not my experience with my X(WS), pain, bitterness of divorce, etc.; I'm fine, I know that can happen again but won't hurt as before, I'm not afraid of anything (if married again), I can trust again, I can love again, I can be even cheated on again yet I'll nicely survive it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The only reason that I do not plan to remarry is - my son (4).
Someone has to be VERY special (to my son too, and my son to him too) to bring him home my son lives in, and that so much special I'm afraid cannot exist at all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When I picture my future I see myself with a partner. I know I want to share my life with someone.

Married? Unmarried? I just don't know. It will depend on the man, me, the situation...

That is something I was thinking about, but struggled with the way to do it ... I think I figured out the best answer tho. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

see what i mean....not many people see the value in marriage anymore. myself included...

Have said I would never marry again .....but then along came my SO. Something I would consider now but not before further exploration of our relationship.Which for me means living together at least part time

I am married and plan to stay married, but should something happen to my H I don't think I would remarry.

Nothing against my H - he and I are just very different from one another and it is a lot of work. He would have been a perfect match for somebody but I don't think that person is me.

I can be selfish and stubborn in some areas: e.g. I don't want to give up the things I enjoy just because someone else doesn't share the same interests. I'm pretty stubborn about being true to myself and who I think God wants me to be.

In the event of becoming single again I can see where it would be nice to have a male companion to do things with but I would get a lot of satisfaction hanging out with my gal friends - so I wouldn't really need a guy for that.

Also I think I would be highly red-flag sensitive.

I believe in the institution of marriage, though.

Everyone's experience will be different I suppose.


Em

Last week was my former wedding anniversary and I'm a little bit down. I still am not sure on whether or not I would like to really marry again. Of course I've only been divorced since August, so I understand most people go through these doubts.

I vowed that I wouldn't marry again but I guess it really depends on the circumstances and how much time has passed. I think I will always have doubts about marriage from now on. The divorce was the biggest letdown and emotional burden I have ever experienced. Why would I want to commit to something that might be repeated? Its tough to deal with these types of issues within yourself.

I will not remarry. I don't have a strong need for a "significant other" in my life at this time and don't see myself with "partner" in the future.

I'm beyond the age for building a family, so I've no need to go through that again...once was enough.

I enjoy the company of women. If a relationship develops into more, I may see where it goes. Otherwise, it's not on my agenda.

BTW, I remember one fo the other posters noting that when he stopped pursuing, he seemed to have more women interested in him. I'm starting to see this is true.

I'm an affable guy,not stand-offish at all, but I have no agenda to meet women. I kinda "go with the flow" at this point. Women (of all ages) have shown more interest in me these days than in the entire rest of my life. I'm pretty sure that the day I decide I want to "look" for a partner, they will all evaporate.

It's a crazy world.

Low

I'm feel kind of the same way. I try and go with the flow although I haven't met alot of women that way. I did the internet thing and went on some dates but didn't feel ready to be in a relationship.

I wonder why women are showing more interest in you these days? I'm not really pursuing anyone although I do find myself going out with friends etc. more then ever. I think its just my instinct that I should be looking for a GF.