As I posted last week, my husband (WH) me "for a while" on Thursday. I was confused as to whether that kept me in Plan A or a forced Plan B and worthatry was kind enough to help me figure out that I am still in Plan A.

Now, he wont evn talk to me. He has been communicating with me via my MIL, and doesnt want me to call him.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE experts, tell me how to carry out my BEST Plan A when I have absolutely NO CONTACT with WH????

It has been 7 weeks since d-day. I have no idea about contact with OW last known contact was 18 days ago.

I suggest you sit tight and let him have his tantrum.

That's what it sounds like.

What is your relationship with your MIL?

In the meantime, what have you done regarding the legal and financial maneuvers we discussed previously?

One thing you can do is to write him a Plan A letter. You won't find this discussed in SAA, but I and others have used this when the WS moves out before Plan A has a full chance. A Plan A letter is basically the same as a Plan B letter but without the BS "going dark".

Also, have you completed exposure?

WAT

MIL is like a mother to me- always there when I need her and loves my babies. However, I do think that in the long run, if things got ugly, she would take her son's side.

I have exposed to everyone I think necessary and a few I dont.

I did get an appt for a consult with an attorney. I removed 1/2 of checking and 1/2 of savings.

Plan A letter sounds good- could I email it? b/c there's nowhere to send it and he is going on a business trip tomorrow.

Sure, you could e-mail a Plan A letter. Post it here first so unemotional heads can make sure you're not shooting yourself in the foot.

Keep this in mind - a Plan B letter is first and foremost a love letter. Same logic for a Plan A letter - if not more so. Start with the Plan B letter example in SAA. Modify it for your particular situation and just leave out the "no contact" part.

The overall message: you are saddened and hurt by what's going on. You take responsibility for your contributions to the poor marital state. You are certain that your marriage can survive this crisis if you both want it to. You have a plan for re-creating a marriage better than either of you thought possible. You look forward to getting started on it.

WAT

wh just called and wants to get kids this afternoon before leaves to go out of town. I guess the fact that he called me and didnt send word thru MIL is a good sign.

Now, do I write Plan A letter today and give to him before the trip, or do I just DO Plan A when I see him?

Not sure if we should see each other since HE wanted a BREAK! Dont want him to just get me all down before he leaves town,

WHAT TO DO?????

What do YOU think you should do?

WAT

I dont know, I'm just afraid he wants to see me so he can judge how bad Im taking his absence. I dont want him to get me all upset and then leave for 4 days with still no answer on what he wants. It would definitley be easier to not see him and see how he feels when he gets back.

But that DOES NOT go along with Plan A!

can't - I think you're over analyzing this.

One thing is pretty certain - you will NOT be able to reliably predict what he's thinking. Heck - it's very likely he doesn't even know what to do. It's a safe bet that he's as confused as you are.

ASSUME you're not gonna get ANY answers from him anytime soon. Just assume this.

If you don't think you can see him without whining, begging, crying, and pleading - then don't see him. This is anti-Plan A behavior. This doesn't mean you are automatically finished with Plan A - just that you need more time to settle down before you are able to interact without being ruled by your emotions.

Remember - the goal of Plan A - in so many words - is to get him to think, "What WAS I thinking to even CONSIDER turning my back on that wonderful woman who is my wife?" Your job vai Plan A is to improve yourself and conduct yourself in a manner that would generate such pondering on his part.

WAT

I definitely dont think I can see him w/o being emotional. I do well on the phone, but when I see him, I know I will want to physically touch him/hug/be near him, and then the emotions will get out of control. I think it best to just stay away for now and let MIL get them and see what happens when he gets back