My fiance of 2 years and I got in an arguement and without thinking I punched him in the face while he was driving and not looking. We live together and I have been staying with my mom for a week now. I have no idea what to do to salvage out relationship. I know I did the wrong thing and I dont know what to do to correct it. I have told him that I didnt mean it and it will never happen again but he doesnt believe. I dont want out relationship to be over. Please help. What do I do?/....Thanks

Get into counseling and find out why you gave yourself permission to punch someone else.

Find an abusers' 12-step program. Anger management. This shows action, not promises not to...stay communicative with fiance and let him know your progress.

Ask him what he needs to heal from your actions.

You can do this.

LA

I am going seek anger management counseling this week. I did ask him last night what I could do and he said theres nothing that all he needs is time. He said that if he didnt love me that my belongings wouldnt still be in his house and I wouldnt be in his life now. I just get the feeling sometimes that he doesnt want to try and sometimes I feel that he does. He also said that hes not sure when and if I will be able to come home. Im so lost and confused. I just dont know what else to do.

Seek it today, not this week. Check out books from the library. Take action today.

You are relying on him to direct your life. You do that.

"I just get the feeling sometimes that he doesnt want to try and sometimes I feel that he does." Do you have a feeling, if so, which one...or a belief? It has been one week, correct? Then the "sometimes" are recurring thoughts you have? Did you have this feeling before you punched him?

Why don't you post about your life together...your patterns, what made you decide to marry him?

LA

I have some books already that got yesterday and started reading. I am serious about wanting help with my anger.

Our life together...hmm where do I start. He is 38 and i am 27. He has 2 daughters from his first marriage none with second and I have a son from a previous relationship. We have a great relationship for the most part. Just like most we have our little arguements. Most of the time is because I cant keep my mouth shut about anything. It seems that he treats me like a child sometimes. Someone will call and invite us to do things and he doesnt bother asking me what I would like to do. He has made me so happy over the last 2 years and I looked forward to spending the rest of my life with him. Unlike him, its easy for me to look past alot of things. His second marriage his wife was an alcoholic and I think sometimes that he treats me like im her. Does that make sense.

Great on the books...Dance of Anger is brilliant. Check out "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Harriet Lerner, too.

You have agreed to marry a man who is twice divorced. Interesting. You have a child from a previous relationship, not a marriage. You have fears--he has fears.

How much individual counseling (IC) has he had to understand his past relationships? You?

Why should you need to keep your mouth shut about your thoughts, feelings and beliefs? Have you read Love Busters here on MB? (Articles by Dr. Harley)

Read up on Lovebank, Lovebusters, Emotional Needs...rules of marriage, policy of joint agreement...lots of great stuff. These will help you seperate what you expect in a relationship from what is healthy in a relationship. Gives you a guide to why he lovebusts you when he makes plans without your informed consent.

Identify what you do and can stop giving yourself permission to do.

Do you really believe other people make you happy?

Why is it easy for you to look past a lot of things? Do you mean accept them about another person, or ignore actions they choose that cross your boundaries?

I doubt he is treating you like his second wife...Most likely he is treating you as he treated both of his wives...much like he treated his mother.

Could be that your choice of action, hitting him, will change your life; bringing you here, to new knowledge, lots of introspection...

You could bloom this Spring.

LA

I am not sure if he has had any relationship counseling for past relationships. I know he has had some anger management. Im hoping that the counseling that we will get individually and together will help both of us.

And I have printed off the lovebusters questionnaires for both of us to fill out and go over.

I guess I choose to both ignore and accept actions by other people depending on the situation.

Either way about treating me like both his ex-wives, how do I explain that to him and help him get over it? Do you know?

First, you don't explain what you believe about others to them. You use answers to find out more about yourself, to find your truth.

Least, that's all I'm good for.

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Great action on the lovebusters. If he doesn't want to fill out yours, you can read and know your own, pretty much. The important ones.

"I guess I choose to both ignore and accept actions by other people depending on the situation."

What determines if you ignore? Accept?

LA