Last weekend I met a guy that I'm, well...I guess smitten with, would be the right words. We were both out of town on business (I'm from one city, he's from another and we were in a third city). We spent a whole evening together, I'd forgotten how time can fly when you meet someone facinating who seems to be interested in you also! Then went out to a club and then fell into bed together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. It wasn't something I really planned on-but it seemed right and I certainly don't regret it, no matter what happens. (yes, there was birth control and condoms)We had to go our seperate directions in the morning and he gave me his phone number and told me to look him up if I was ever in his city and he would do the same if in mine.

So, today I called him and left a message saying that I had a great time (which I did) and gave him my number so it would be easier for him to track me down if he ever wanted to (yes, pretty much using those words). He called me back and left a message saying that he also had a great time, hadn't had that much fun or laughed so much in years, was happy to hear my voice and looked forward to talking to me in person <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.
Does that mean he wants to see me, but isn't interested in further contact otherwise? He is interested and I'm putting too much emphasis on the "in person" part? Will I seem like a stalker if I contact him again?

I can't believe I'm even thinking about all this really - but WOW, he is just an interesting, handsome guy that is the combination of athletic and brainy and intelligent and funny that I find most attractive (and almost never meet!)

So, let me have it - what do you think he meant?

K

And why would You want 'further contact otherwise'?

Dont read too much into his calls.

Stay patient. Let him do the calling for the next two weeks. Whatever you do...DONT CALL...but it is ok to pick up his calls. You need to do this to find out yourself if he is committed or not. His calls is his action...

Good luck

OK, so far this sounds like a fling... Nothing wrong with that, if that was what you wanted.


Yeah, I think this is where you are making the mistake of trying to squeeze a relationship out of a fling.

I think you can certainly keep communicating with him, but I would not give it much more than a "fling" characterization just yet.

BTW, are you sure he is single and not seeing anyone else? Did you even discuss that stuff?

AGG

Thanks for the replies!

Belonging: Why would I want further contact? Good question... I guess what I would like is to be able to have an occasional conversation, maybe a write a letter or two and get to know more about an interesting person I met.

AGG: Thanks for your input- I have learned much from reading your threads! Yes, you are right - a fling, and that's ok. We did discuss where we both were in relationship land, and I don't have any reason to think he was lying...but I guess it's possible. And I really am not looking for a capital R "Relationship". I think it's more that I don't like the thought of missing out on staying in touch with this guy who I found absolutely fascinating. Sure - there was chemistry and all - but really the conversation and wanting to learn more about him and what he has done is the main draw. Hmmmm, is that why sex in that situation is maybe not the smartest move <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> - because it makes being friends more complicated (or less likely to happen)? I apologize for my naivete - I guess that is the penalty for marrying in my early twenties without dating much - now I am a dating novice, but of an age where I should know what I'm doing!

Do flings ever turn into friends?

Just another lesson along the way I guess - at least it was fun!

K

its 4:20 in the morning (california time) im at work just surfing the net and LAUGHING my head off....i thought us GUYS only worried about stuff like this!! how many days to wait to call.....does she like me.....etc...

the fact he showed you interest and attention is a great thing...to be honest tho....i went through a wild n crazy "player" phase after my wife had an affair and left after 15 yr marriage....i was livin the "rock n roll" bachelor life.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

i say that to point out...unless there was a real connection, i seldom saw a girl more than once or twice after "doing the deed"

but....i have learned that the lower a girls self esteem is, the easier it was to get them to have sex.....not someone i would be interested in dating, so..........................PLAY harder to get next time...create that sexual energy.....SMELL good and laugh at all "us guys" silly jokes and i gaurentee you'll have HIM pursueing YOU!!!!

also...DO NOT call him again...i would feel you are NEEDY...i find NEEDY very unattractive!! if you made an impression on this fella...HE WILL BE IN CONTACT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'm with kbsc. although i didn't go through such a phase. And I am a woman. Statistically, I bet lots of men don't have too many follow-up dates with women who fall into bed that easily. And you didn't fall....doubt it happened there at the club or whereever you met.

From experience I know that the creation of sexual tension is great.

Give him a while - a long while and don't spend the time pining away for him.

kbsc & cinderella - I'm glad you think it's funny, because I do to. And really, that's part of the fun of dating again - the feeling silly, second guessing, getting to know someone... I'm really not pining away, waiting in agony to see what happens. Just having fun and trying to learn a thing or two and see where life goes!

Interestingly enough though - he did call me again. We chatted for fifteen or twenty minutes (we both had other engagements to rush off to) and it was friendly and he seems interested in me kind of the same way I'm interested in him. So, in the future I will be more prepared to NOT "fall into bed", but at least in this case I don't think I came off as super needy, low self esteem girl. Which is good, because I don't think that's who I am!

It is interesting though - after being married and having sex whenever either one of you wanted to, and in my case our sex life stayed fine even when everything else fell apart. So, I kind of feel like I spent some time having sex with a guy I didn't really know or share much love with (he just happened to be my husband <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />). So... the point is...it seems like a big mental adjustment for me to relate sex to love and really sharing someting with someone I care about who cares about me. I know, it seems like a basic concept, but I just now realized how distorted my view has become. Ahhh, the joys of working through the post divorce minefield! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

K

i just read the response....you sound right on and very comfortable in your own skin!!!

just BE SAFE!!! and have fun.