Hi. I read a few of your post concerning service issues. I wounder if you might look in on mine and help me out.

Just a little info.

WS has had 2 A. BS, none. Kids.
Both A with service people. Dday, 1/06. Confronted WS. WS return from deploy. 1/06, A took place in foreign contry.
A EA.

Recently I approached WS superior about A and OWH. I asked him for several things, seperation of the two, assist with getting WS to go to MC. Superior counseled them and said nothing will go on under his nose, also talked to WS about doing counseling.

Superior didn't put this on WS record, says the A was confirmed by them both but was only EA (he thinks), also said that he seperated them within the same offc. OW has to be in offc for a time and will be moving on. In meantime there are functions going on where WS and I are attending and OW will be there. One of them WS doesn't want me to attend and won't explain why. This puts me in an uncomfortable situation.

About our recovery: Well we aren't really in it. I had previously asked WS to do NC and he refused, I haven't asked again since exposure. Also, he hasn't committed to me that there will be NC. In times past when I've spoken to him about this sort of thing he tells me that I should know that he isn't talking to other person.

He really doesn't want to talk about it. Also we haven't talked about his committment to M and mine as well.

This is what I'm wondering, many say that with him being around OW is continued contact. If you've had any experience with soemthing similar, do you think that the work contact is effecting him? If so, is it wise to have superior look into having an investigation. All of my evidence is from email. There is a lot in it, but I've been told that there may have to be more evidence for things to go forward.

Also, WS has crossed boundaries in that after I told him not to have C with OW, he did and he didn't tell me about it.

I really don't want an investigation to forward because I don't want his career to be damaged yet I feel that it needs to be on the record and right now it isn't.

What do you think as a former service person dealing with such matters? Thank you.

A couple of questions first:

What service?
Are WS and OP just in the same office or is one of them the other's superior?


I can answer your questions once I know this.

In His arms.

Post deleted by reallyconcerned

Okay...

With the Army, if they are maintaining NC, then there isnt much you can do there. At least not right now.

It appears that if this is all recent, that he still has to go thru withdrawal before you even have a chance at reconciliation. And any contatc between them spoils that.

So, you are going to have to create your "mantra." Your mantra is what you continue to say and do, no matter what he says or does. You continue to harp on NC and counseling. His word is NOT enough. Affairees are habitual liars!! Concrete proof.

On that event that he doesnt want you to go to...get another person you trust (another spouse???) that is going and, if you trust them, have them keep an eye on your husband. If you cant, then insist on going!

One thing ALL people engaged in adultery do is that they believe they wont get caught AND they are addicted so they cannot stop themselves. They almost ALWAYS get caught. They do things and leave evidence trails. When things get quiet, then they think the coast is clear. So, while maintaining your mantra, you should also keep your intelligence lines open.

Like I said, he will probably lie to you while he is under the influence of the OW. So, what he says doesnt really matter. You need to verify what he is doing. And that will take a little creative work on your part.

Once you find continued contact (or worse), then you take that evidence IMMEDIATELY to the commander. As you told me above, they have already been ordered to cease contact. Any continued contact is disobeying a direct order.

How soon before this OW or your husband will be moving on to a new position or post? The danger to your marriage is the affair. Until that is over, then the marriage is still in flux. So anything you can do to bust that thing up, will only help your marriage.

So, find out more info. DO NOT trust your husband! Verify everything he says and does. Make it VERY hard on him to see OW.

Once they can be separate and he can go thru withdrawal, then your marriage will have its opportunity.

Let me know if you get any more info.

In His arms.

Post deleted by reallyconcerned

bump 85756

bump21454

bump9857

Hey...what's up??

Oops...I forgot to put the post out here. Certain things I don't leave on the thread unless I'm out here for while. Pls excuse me.

Thanks Mortarman for looking in.


Exposure all took place second week of this month. From the description of w/d, he hasn't gone through it.

I wanted to say when I talked to his superior I only talked to the one directly over him. I didn't talk to anyone any higher b/c the matter would've definitely been invest. However it wasn't put on the record b/c of this, only gave a counseling. Should I press for the matter to be invest or talk to superior over WS direct command?

I don't think it would be wise b/c of what could happen to his career, our livelihood. OW due to move in May. Is it best to just wait it out?



The thing is OWH is service also, but is a foreign country.

Another thing, we have a friend who is in much higher rank who has asked him to come work for him.

I talked to him (our friend)recently. He said without a doubt he would help him move over to this area, given the situation. He is a really good, decent, God fearing man that I trust. I want to ask WS to consider it.

However in Plan A, I am working on control issues. Ok, I'm a bit of a control freak. I've been told that I shoudln't try to make WS go work for him. But rather let him decided on his own. Is there anything wrong with asking him (our friend) to talk to him about the situaiton and asking him again to come work for him?

I don't have friends that would be at the event so the only other thing to do is go. However WS has been dead set against it, and discouraging with me about it. I'm just wondering if he fears that I would approach OW. Also, I've maintained C with OWH. I plan to ask WS to send NC letter again. However her H feels this was just a little fling since PA didn't happen, as far as they say anyway.


ABout NC letter and NC.

I'd like to ask him (OWH) to have his WW do the same thing, even if it was a little fling ( in his opinion). Is this a bad idea?

Mortarman I'm bumping.

It depends. Do you believe things are over with? If not, if you believe this is still going on, then a direct talk with his commander or the IG is in order.


Maybe it is best to wait it out. I dont know...that is up to you. It wont hurt his career if you report it...but it will hurt it if they find out on their own. The Army tries its best to keep good soldiers, so they would give him a chance to get his life in order. But if they find out on their own, the likelihood of getting busted goes up.


You could have friend just ask him to come onboard. That is a possibility. But your instincts are right...the best thing to do is that your husband gets away from the OW as soon as possible.


Not a bad idea at all. See what he says. He may not go for it, but at least he will knwo what you are trying to do and may come alongside at some point.

In His arms.

Hi Mortrman. THanks for your reply. Is helpful.

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