After reading so many posts referencing internet dating experiences, I wanted to start a dialog about how to meet people IRL...without the 'net...

The world is big place...lots of fish in the sea. The key to meeting new people is a combination of self-confidence, positive outlook, flexibility, and a sense of adventure.

Everyday when I go out, I see hundreds of interesting people...beautiful people. Since I've been in Cape Town, the world is a veritable orchard of attractive women.

I'll give you some examples of cold calls...

When I was in an an antique shop this past weekend, I saw a woman who was older than me but very classy looking at some framed art. I simply stepped over to her and asked her which one was her favorite (I was sincerely interested) which allowed me to introduce myself. We enjoyed shopping together and I made a friend - she gave me her number and I gave her mine. I am considering calling her.

A second example of a woman taking a risk...the young lady who was helping me find an apartment simply asked me to dinner at the end of the day's journeys. I took a rain check and thanked her for her offer. I thought she was too young.

I say this like these things are easy...they aren't. But every foray into the world has the potential for meeting someone. It takes being attentive and diligent to be ready for any opportunity.

We also have to be prepared for the negative outcomes.

My classy lady could have told me to get lost or could have been generally mean. I would have wished her a good day and gone on about my business.

The young woman took a risk asking me out...I could be serial killer or could have laughed at her for being such a forward child.

How does everyone feel about taking these kinds of risks?

Could you walk up to someone in the grocery store? How would you treat a man or woman who approached you?

Low

Hi LOW,

Major threadjack here. I just wanted to say I hope you are enjoying your stay in South Africa. It is dear to my heart - I was an exchnage student there in the 70's and was there last in Dec 2004 to visit my "family". Enjoy your time - it is a special place.

So far, it has been very nice here. It's interesting...the locals are looking forward to a "hot" week. This is nothing compared to South Carolina in the summer. I would've thought that Africa would have been hotter.

The people have been friendly. I suppose it's obvious I'm foreign and they may be curious about that.

The culture, so far, seems so much less media driven than the US...people seem to be living more in reality. I like it. Life feels REAL here.

Low

Hi Low, I spent some time in Morocco & Tunisia a few years back & loved it. Tunisia much more so than Morocco.

Anyway, back to the thread about meeting people in real life. Yes, I do approach people when I'm out & I'm hoping one day this may even pan out. I'm open to meeting people & don't go around looking unapproachable. I absolutlely appreciate how difficult it is to make the first move. I'll talk to men in line at the store, in the grocery isle, etc...but so far nothing.

Some WalMarts were having singles nights, who knows? Will my special someone drop from the sky, fix my car, wait in the same line I'm in or will he come to me through the computer. I just don't know but I do remain open.

I live in a small, family oriented town & this makes it difficult to meet single men when out & about. While we do have some neighboring towns/small cities around it's certainly not a cultural mecca.

For me it's less risky than 'meet' someone on the net, 'talk' for a couple of days/weeks, then meet in person... for my first impression (in 3D) rarely tricks me... just to see face, gestures when talking, vocabulary, general approach, clothing, voice, all of that, gives me a picture... and I need a couple of minutes talking... then I know what I can expect, in general...
My instinct never proved to be wrong; what a pity I haven't been keeping it always but allowed some people, by giving them 'second impression chance', to trick me later on...
E.g., when I first saw my X, I thought of him (regarding some characteristics) the same as I think (and know) now.
Well, he was persistant, and I neglected that first impression feeling, and here we go...
And the same happened with most of people I knew/know...
Wierd, isn't it?
Unfortunately, I'm not sure if I finally learnt the lesson. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


It depends... on approach itself most... (and, see above <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Belonging, I too have learned to trust my first impressions, they have been overwhelmingly right. I too have ignored them on occassion & been led astray. I won't make that mistake again though, I really think I have learned that lesson, not just had it shown to me again.

It may take some reinforcing, meeting a second time to be sure, but I don't think it will take a whole relationship with the wrong person to know my first impression was right.

Knock on wood. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Low,

I have to say what attracts me meeting someone IRL, is confidence. I am a sucker for a guy who has the courage to talk to me...that kind of attraction to a woman is very powerful.

A great personality, sense of humor and confidence are unbeatable qualities in a man. And throw in a little tiny bit of shyness, some humility and realness...you just can't go wrong.

For me I find if I so much as smile at a guy it helps to give him confidence to approach me, if he is at all interested.

So now I try to smile as much as possible and after awhile it becomes a habit. It doesn't take much sometimes if you got the confidence plus sincerety thing going on.

The trouble for me is I live in a very small town in a very remote area...IRL is unlikely unless I am traveling.

I think I'd be fine with a man who approached me as long as he was commenting on something casual or mutual..."Isn't it nice to see the sun after so many cloudy days?" Friendly, but impersonal.

Or like you did with the woman in the antique store. Something that was a common interest at the moment. I'm not real self-confident, but I do make an effort to notice whose around me and briefly chat. Also, if the guy asks me a question, I consciously try to answer with more than just a one word response.

Now, if he walked up to me and said "You and I could make beautiful babies together....." That's way too "mutual". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />