I agree. Filing for D is not something you do for revenge. If you don't want a D then don't even think about filing.

If you don't mind. Lets stay on one thread so we all don't have to go back and forth. Let's go over to the thread you started about PI's. Ok?

I think you are my long-lost twin. We seem to have a lot of the same problems. Only difference is my W won't say divorce. She said it sounds "too final." Starting last fall I've been seeing my doctor about depression. I've been on a few meds, trial and error stuff, to find the right kind and doses. I finally started making progress to the point where my W said I was pleasant to be around.

Then the bomb dropped. The first few days of the year were good. Then one night she came to bed and I knew something was wrong. I talked to her and told her she can tell me everything. I could really feel my meds then. I was calm, reassuring. Then she said she wasn't happy and didn't know if she wanted to be married anymore. Talk about a 180.

We've been married 7 1/2 years, been together over 10. This is her first and my second. I have two kids from my first but they are an hour away so that's not too much of a problem from my point of view. We also have a 4 y/o daughter. Money has always been an issue and I've been working three jobs for quite awhile now to make ends meet. She's been going to school and will be done in a year. After that she'll start working making great money. I also will be getting a big raise then so we were set. Now it looks like it will be at least a year before I can be able to get a small apartment. I'm staying with my folks for now.

We've gone to two counseling sessions. Our counselor even had us pick-out a marriage book to go through. I've read a lot recently, both online and books. She's read some of the books and said that it made sense. Yet she refuses to take a step in the direction of our marriage. All I can say is thank God I'm still taking my ADs. It hurts enough to be going through this without a little help. Our counselor wanted her to give it six months to try to work things out but I'd be surprised if it went six days. I know I sound negative but that's all she's given me to go on.

Just remember that you're not alone in your situation. That's the way I first felt but the MB site has really helped me. I'll be praying for your marriage and I'll ask you to pray for mine.

Dave

Post deleted by jac07

Jac,

The hopelessness is the worst part. I'm not used to that. I've been a paramedic for five years and a firefighter for two. I'm one of the guys people call when stuff hits the fan. I'm supposed to look at a situation and deal with it. I can't tell a person who is bleeding that I have to think about bandaging their wound. So when this all went down I tried to figure out ways to fix it. She asked for time but I guess I didn't give enough. It seemed that whenever we were together, 9 times out of 10 I'd start talking about us. I guess she didn't want to talk about it.

At any rate, I just got back from watching our daughter while she went to school. When she got home I planned on getting some stuff and leaving. But that didn't happen. Somehow we got into a big conversation and she said she's had enough. That she's got nothing more to give. She sees no hope for us. Basically it's over. I didn't say anything harsh or rash. I told the truth. No matter what she's the best thing that's ever happened to me and that I will always love her.

As for ADs. I'm on Wellbutrin XL as well. Along with Effexor. I started with Lexapro. That worked great but can make you tired. Around 2 every afternoon I was ready for a nap. You just have to give them time to work. It's taken some while with these, I think since Decemember, but I'm getting the effect. Don't get me wrong, they don't make everything rosey. I've cried plenty over the last few months. But they do take the edge off. But if you feel that they're not working tell your Doc. Their are a lot of them out there to try.

One positive is that it got me back to church. I figure God will use this for some good.

Your in my prayers,
Dave

Post deleted by jac07

Hey Jac,

I've read your posts about the PI. I didn't go that far. And I'm sure (pretty sure) there is no one else. It seems that she just turned 21 again and wants to party (she's 28). Unfortunately that doesn't include me. I'm still astounded. I told her today I keep hoping to wake up and this is a bad dream from the Wellbutrin. But she's dead-set on it. I also told her that if there is any part of her that wants to reconcile she better say it now. Part of me is hoping that if I have divorce papers that she will come to her senses. But as each day passes I'm more certain that this won't happen.

I also think she wants to drag this out. She's in school right now and not working. I've been working three jobs to make ends meet. She has a little over a year left in school before she can go get a job in her field. And she also reminded me tonight that my last divorce took a while. I think she's a little surprised that I said fine and am willing to get a lawyer to draw-up papers. Maybe she was hoping that she could continue to live care-free while I worked myself into an early grave.

At any rate I guess I will cut my losses. Chalk it up to experience. I would say that I won't do that again but I did it before. I would also like to say that I've learned my lesson. The worst part about it is our daughter. I know everyone says it but she is special and great. Today I tried to talk to her about what's going on. She's four and I don't know how much she's caught on. I told her about how I won't be living with them but will see her as much as I can. She said she knows. Then she asked if I'll still be her daddy. I told her that I would never stop being her daddy. That hurt when she said that. I told my STBX and she said what do you expect, she's four. Maybe my W was body-snatched because this is so unlike her.

I've rambled enough. My prayers still go out to everyone here,

Dave

You said some things in your original post that jumped out at me "Going out with her GUY friends" "Staying out all night because she couldn't stand being around you".Do you know all of these friends and why aren't you present when she is out with them? I went through the same crap and it was the GUY I never met she left me for. I don't mean to feed your insecurities but you may have a legitimate basis for being insecure my friend. Blaming you for staying out all night with other men sounds like a cover for an affair to me, and if you keep blaming yourself it helps her decieve you. I could be wrong but I would check on it. Did she also say "She wanted to seperate for space because of the way you are behaving" That's another red flag buddy.
It's better to know so you don't have to keep blaming yourself. You are responsible for your actions but not her cheating.
Hang in there.

I don't know the correspondence here between JAC and ITSOON's as JAC's posts are deleted. However, I am coming to the defense of ITSOON's.

ITSOON is still hanging on hope. Sometimes hope is all we have, nothing else. If ITSOON wants to hope and pray that she gets together with her WH, then so be it. It is what keeps her going.

I am going on almost 2 years since the EA that split my family up. I hope that she comes back, but that hope is slowly dying and I am ok with it. I know hope for a new life...

ITSOON... Never give up on hope for anything...

I totally agree. I'm still hoping. We've only been split since this year and things don't look that promising but you can't give up hope. Just like Churchill said: "Never give in. Never, never....never give in."

Hang in there and keep praying.

Dave