Buttercup:

I found portions of the article(s) to be good; however there were undeniable "pro-divorce" innuendo's as well. (Whenever I read that "kids are resilient..." when it comes to divorce - I want to choke somebody!

Worth the read in order to pull helpful information from, but that's about it. Thanks for the link! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

FR

And here's the rub. Most of us here divorced because of infidelity and the "second spouse" often was once the OP (though we know they didn't "cause the break-up" as stated here). I guess I may be naive - or just pro-marriage - but other than infidelity or some kind of abuse, I don't know why people who could remain such good friends divorced in the first place.

It's a nice thought, but few of us are dealing with mature individuals.
I particularly liked the continued family comments. My xinlaws are "cut off" type of people, so I no longer exist to his family (except as someone to blame all the problems upon).

Virtually all divorces involve infidelity or abuse, and I have yet to meet anyone in real life who feels "amicable" about their former spouse. I have to wonder what his definition of amicable is - does he merely mean neither has a R.O. on the other?

FR,

Well said! My blood boils when I hear that also. All children really want is 2 loving parents to there for them. Children don't deserve the pain of divorce and parents have a moral obligation to make sure their children are safe, secure, loved and happy. The "resilient" line is a bunch of BS. Our teenage daughter fell to the floor sobbing when we told her about our divorce. My WW kept saying it was for the best....

I have met.
They loved each other, had a good life together, then little by little grew different ways, went (spitirually) apart with the same speed, yet stayed friends, open and sincere, still liking each other (as persons) and wanting happiness for each other, and they both and together concluded they'd love to have something else in life...
Amicable divorce, I could say...
In their case, with no abuse, affairs, ugly fights, not at all for their two kids though...

PS: Last time I talked to her... they are still very good friends, they share their new experiences with new romances, new jobs...
And children...? I'd still want them not being children of even amicable divorce...

Just thinking... could be possible only if no wounds/hurt made, nor there is possessivness, jelaousy, immaturity, "love"...
and that's why it's so rare...

Off of one of the links:Not that divorce is funny, but this line made me laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[color:"green"]Um well my first divorce was rather amicable. I acted in an immature way and left him expecting that he would wake up to my unspoken needs. Instead he took care of all the divorce work and it all happened so quickly that I never had the opportunity to really think about what I truly wanted. We stayed friends. I later was really glad that I separated my life from his because he has a lot of issues that he never resolved and I worked past and understood. When I saw him again a few years ago, just a few days of his company was enough to convince me that his withholding nature and need to manipulate would have eventually driven me nuts.

I also know others. My BF is very good friends with his ex and she cheated on him multiple times.

Of course I see their relationship as very strange. I think in some ways they are still meeting each others emotional need for conversation and that of course makes me feel uncomfortable. I know in the past he discussed his relationship problems with her, I can only hope that ours is private. I think that one boundary I may request be that neither of us discuss our relationship with any friendly ex. My experience has been that my 1st ex is very quick to take my side and doesn't help me to gain perspective - which is all I'm really wanting to find when I open the BF topic...

Anyway - friendly exes do exist. I think the best scenario to look at would be to educate our children in what normal loving relationships look like. Maybe that should replace the sex ed programs at schools...

V.[/color]

love it!

I know friendly exes, too. As the article pointed out, it's often easier after both are in new relationships. Totally fine with no kids, but not the ideal when kids are involved - though it's certainly better for kids than a hostile divorce.

Like all moral questions, it's not all black and white, there's some gray. I just think too many people want to take the "easy" way out by squeezing themselves and their situation into that small gray area. I've certainly tried the "but my case is different" approach to life enough times, but it's never provided a short cut to happiness so far!

I admit I didn't read the whole article. I scanned it quickly then posted the link as it might be helpful to others.

Or at least prompt some good questions and/or debate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />