Well here is the situation. My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years. We have an amazing 3 1/2 year old daughter. We have had some stress over the last year...we lived in a house my parents owned and wanted to buy it out from thm so it would be in our names andhave the security of owning our own home. This turned out poorly and much fighting occured between my parents and I and my wife and I. She thought I was being taken advantage of by them, and was a wimp, etc...
So we decided to move and buy our own place. And we have little to no contact with my family.
Other than this situation - I believed we were on steady ground and that we loved each other and were in it for the long haul. I took my vows very seriously - especially with a child involved.
So things were peaceful - our new home is beautiful and I thought - GREAT WE CAN BE HAPPY NOW!...and we were getting along great - I felt very close to her.
She is 33 - and is a very volitile creative person - she is a perfectionist - she can be very sweet and generous and then very cold and distant. This has pretty much always been the case with her. I am a couple of years older - am very calm and take things in stride - stuff doesn't really get to me - I am consistent. I thought these differences were what made us work so well together.
For the past year and a half she has stayed home with our daughter. She has begun working again this past couple of months. Her new job is very high level, crazy, stressful and deadline oriented. She has been working 12 hour days 3/4 days a week. I knew this was a difficult transition and was supporting her in what ever way she needed. Not making any demands of my own, taking care of the baby, house, dogs etc... But I thought WE were fine...she was affectionate and things were good for us as a couple.
then last week - she got a critique on her work (remember she is a hardcore perfectionist) usually she would look to me for guidance or to talk...but out of no where - she came after me and told me she needed her space. That she couldn't feel guilty about me and my needs. She told me she is very stressed about her performance at work - and needs me to leave her alone about her hours and if she needs to stay late - then she needs to stay late. If she wants to go out after work and have a drink with coworkers to unload...then she is going to go.
I am doing well in my career - and she has told me she doesn't want to hear about my successes - that she used to be that person. She doesn't want me to touch her...not even in a simple affectionate way like holding hands like we had always done in the past. She used to call or send me an e-mail during the day just to say hi - this has all stopped. She told me she feels like she has no time to herself and feels trapped. She wants to go out with friends - and does not want to include me in this - and told me I should feel free to go out on my own and do stuff too - EXCEPT we have a toddler at home. She justs snaps at the two of us constantly.
Normally she is a talker and now she is quiet. She has lost alot of weight. I asked her what was going on and if I needed to be worried us or if I had done something- she said no. I told her I was worried about her...she said I was worried about myself.
She does still call me honey occassionally and will say she loves me when we depart in the morning - I feel like these are small victories and tiny glimpses of my old wife....but no contact.
I love her very much and support her in all that she does - but now I am starting to get scared. I feel the ice thickening.

Hey brother, I have no answers for you. Just let me say I feel your pain. You probably ought to consider reading a lot of books about relationships quick. You've got a storm brewing that you need to head off at the pass. Luck.

So, what do you think is going on with her? Do you think it's just the job or do you suspect an A?

Man! I felt like I was just reading something from my twin brother. You can read my post and you will probably say the same thing. The biggest difference in my situation is that we don't have children. I wish I had some advise for you, but I am lost myself. Good luck, and keep us updated.

Possibly there is some sort of affair going on.....

You say she is creative and volatile...has she always been so?

There is more traffic on General Questions II board. You might want to post there.

yes ...she has always been very changeable....but i never towards me. ata complete lost

i have been reading everything i can get my hands on...nothing seems to help. I suck right now and everyone else is just so interesting and fun. she just breaks my heart daily and i am feeling like i can't take anymore. I have been plan a'ing myself into hating myself. I don't think i could be any kinder or more supportive. I stay away - i don't talk about us - i don't touch - i ask for nothing and i am up to my f***ing eyeballs with resentment right now.

""...nothing seems to help. I suck right now and everyone else is just so interesting and fun. she just breaks my heart daily and i am feeling like i can't take anymore. I have been plan a'ing myself into hating myself. I don't think i could be any kinder or more supportive. I stay away - i don't talk about us - i don't touch - i ask for nothing and i am up to my f***ing eyeballs with resentment right now.""



look in the mirror, stand there naked and check your crotch...do you have balls???? punch em...wake em up!!!look what you wrote...ask your self...if your wife has a chioce between being happy with someone else or returning to a broken down shell of a "man", who would you chose....(remove any moral or ethical issues here) its not about right or wrong at this point, or being able to reason with an "unreasonable" person...its about simple minded selfishnes!!! with that in mind....did you answer the question???

she is going to chose to be happy!!!

now slap yourself.....and think about what you need to do...they say "animals can smell fear"...i believe humans can smell broken down men....

self esteem, confidence, stregnth, sense of security and sense of humor are the most attractive traits any woman in her right mind wants....if you dont believe surf the personal ads on match.com or yahoo personals....READ what most of the woman write and want and then re-read your last post!!!

being able to be "nice, happy, negotiable" with your wife during thistime has nothing to do with being weak or needy!!!

go to the gym, read divorce recovery books (i know its probably premature for that) but my point is there are awesome tools out there for recovering your "spirit" and self esteem...on the internet are great ebooks out there...if you want i can pass on a few names and authors...

im sure i pissed you off alittle by calling you a "wimp"...thats good, because that means your spirit is not dead yet!!

** i was in your shoes about 2 1/2 years ago...i was a pathetic broken down man....the journey has been awesome to get where im at now...please...if you have kids..dont let them see you like this...i did...its hard to respect someone who cries that lifeis not fair...i got news for you bud....IT AINT!!

hang in there...go do something fun today with your kids...take em on a quick trip over springbreak....its gonna pay off in the long run!

there is no cure for an amputated spirit....yours just sounds wounded!!!

hope this helps alittle...im sure i pissed off a few people, but im not a "hugger", someone else can help you there, i can tell you that life goes on and no matter what happens...it will be your wifes LOSS!!! that i know of from experience!!!!