Triwing,

Praying and bumping. How are things going?

S&C

Get your mind and heart in sync, then u can move forward. As long as you long for your W and the only one in front of you is the Ws, don't settle for less than your real W.

It will take time for your mind and heart to get in sync. When it does, you w/b mad for the pain the WS has inflicted upon you. That is when you w/b suspectible. So be careful.

Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

take care,
L.

Well, I think I am doing a little better. She says she is going to go next Wednesday. I finally get my house and my kids back full time. My attorney has heard from hers and the paper work seems to be what she is telling me, so thats a good sign. I talkted to her today, and she said, yes, I will keep an open mind. If I get to Hawaii, and I realize what I lost, I will keep an open mind to trying to work things out. I am kind of lost by that. How can we work things out from 6000 miles away. I can not give up everything I have to move and find out our marriage is not what she really wants any ways. Thanks for the prayers, and the thoughts, I will be off for a few days, I am taking a well needed little get away with a few friends. I'll check back in next week.

Um.... I would tell her, if you go to HI and figure out you lost the gold, then don't expect the gold t/b waiting 4 u. Watch her eyes pop out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yea, she is insistent on going because she expects you all to wait. Well don't act like u r waiting. In fact get busy so that she will wonder what you all w/b doing while she is gone. In fact the more fun you look like you are having the more she will wonder what she is missing out on. You see, the WS mentality is t/b in the middle of all activities. Drama queens.

Use that knowledge to your advantage. Make her wonder so she wanders less. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Triwing,

Orchid's got this nack for verbally slapping sense into a WS. If you're up to it, I'd suggest you give her recommendation a try. It might just allow her to stick her head out of the fog so she can get some oxygen to her brain.

If nothing else, it will start to give you some control over your situation.

Hope your time away helped.

Laterz'.

S&C

Here's another suggestion. Go bring home some brochures of local places of interest. Even leave some sites on the internet, like fun things t/d in __________. Let her wonder if you are planning a trip, outing, whatever..... when she asks be nonchalant about it. u know, like no big deal....just something you were thinking about or something 'someone' mentioned.

See if u r too scared to reverse babble, then at least keep the WS unabalanced. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I am working on the reverse babble, when I called on my way home from my trip, she told me the temp order should be done today, and would like for me to sign it. I told her, I thought that was great! I am ready to get on, this weekend really opened my eyes and was one of the best weekends in my life. (that was not made up either). I told her we should sign the D asap, so I can take the kids out of town too. I found out from my sister she was really concerned where I was this weekend, she called her to ask some questions and tell what was going on with her. My sis just led her on and didnt give any clues! Now she has my son asking me questions for her about where I was. I think she is getting a little un-easy! Hope you all had a great weekend too!

Well, this afternoon she left me with the kids and the house for Hawaii. My son is so torn up over this, he keeps saying, that we are as much her family as granma and auntie are. I can not dis-agree with him, but I tell him mom loves him and always will. I don't know what else to tell him. The friend that took her said she was really broken up over this, so I don't know what to think. I think I will just try to raise my kids to the best of my abilities, and see what happens.

Triwing,


Children are pretty smart. They understand the fundamentals of love. Actions speak louder than words. I told my son that Mom was going through a tough time and needed his prayers.


She got some parting words from someone who dodn't have a stake in the M. Hopefully she remembers them.



I'm sure you'll do a great job. Keep yourself healthy, continue to show them what a Godly man is. And do this; write down on a sheet of paper the qualities you want in a W and also list the Godly qualities. Keep that list handy and pray for a W that fulfills each of these. Don't settle for less. Let God work on your W and raise the kids right.

The invitation still stands. If you want to e-mail me you can.

You're going to do good!

S&C

Let us know what we can do from this end. Do I need to start taking long walks down the cane haul road or up dirt road? Oh yea....that's right, they got rid of the sugar cane and planted HOUSES! YUCK!!! LOL!!!

Did she sign over custody of the children to you? Is it that easy in your state? Reassure your children of your love for them. That you will NOT leave them. Form a bond, an alliance. Be each other's support. Let them know they c/b your support and you w/b their's.

L.

S & C how do I get your Email adress, I thought it was in your signature, but it is not.

Orchid, yes, as long as it is uncontested it is that easy, all she has to do is agree for me to have primary custody. Her lawyer filled out all the paperwork, and mine just made a few minor revisions to it. She agreed to all the revisions (well at least verbally).

When she calls to talk to the kids and they ask if I want to talk to her, I just say I have nothing to talk to her about. When she calls work to talk to me for some reason, its mostly small talk and junk, like we used to talk about. I tell her, this is not what we need to be doing anymore, It gives me the wrong impression. I still hope and pray things will work out, but I'm trying not to give her that impression. I guess we'll just wait and see. Thank you both for all of your help and advice, I truly think it help coming from some one who has been there.

Triwing,

Just going off to sleep and saw your post.

My e-mail is at the end of the very first post after you click on my signature. How ever, I don't mind giving it to you here. It's [email]sandc_mb@hotmail.com.[/email]

laterz'

Orchid,


Or you could just hang at the "Royal Sunset Drive In" Oh yea, they got rid of that too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Blessings to you both.

S&C

We are now back into the house. I came in by myself yesterday, I was afraid how I might react. I am glad I did. Most everything of hers is gone, but there are some signs of her still around. All of her clothes are gone, except for 1 dress. Our wedding album is still here, but the kids bathroom accessories are gone. The rice cooker is gone, but some of her purses are still here. I really don't understand. I am convince something has gone wrong in her mind. We got the van back too, kids and I were listning to a CD and my daughter said to skip this song. Then she started crying. She told me her and mom used to sing that song together. I don't understand how she does that to the kids, it makes me very upset. I told her about it when she called, I think she started crying, and just told her about the easter egg hunt, getting the baskets ready and the fun things we did today. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions? I has hopeing for up and down days, but now it seems to be going by the hours, sometimes even minutes. Is that an improvement? I am not too sure. Have a great Easter. Does the bunny come in a outrigger like Santa does there?

Hey S&C and Orchid, have you guys fallen off the face of the earth. I'm getting kind of worried about you guys and no one to talk to here. I hope all is well.

Aloha Tri,

Still here. Wondered where you were though....must got lost in all da' other posts.

So she & the kids are here? Where? E-mail if you want: mborchid2@yahoo.com or e-mail S&C.

How are you doing?

L.

Orchid, she is there, and kids are here with me. She calls every day, and tell them she misses them, I I jsut think if you missed them so much, why are you there. she knows right now she would be welcomed back with open arms by me, but I don't think that will last very long. I am getting pretty fed up with her behavior. I miss her so much, but the hurt she has done to our family is overwhelming. Well, we are off to work in the yard, I hope you are doing good. I really feel we are beginning to do good ourselves. She even mentioned maybe we could start dating again someday, if I change. I asked her when we were going to find the time to do that, we could not find time to follow Dr. Harleys instructions of 15 hours a week when we lived together. How can we "date" when we live 6000 miles apart? She really did not have an answer! I guess we'll just sit back and wait to see what happens. Hope to hear from you soon.

If U change? What kind of babble is that? It's WS babble and it stinks.

U go and enjoy your children. Glad they are with the stable parent. Let me know if you want a drive by check. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey Triwing,

No I haven't fallen off the Earth. I got your e-mails. My wife and I do volunteer work for the "Family Life Marriage Conferences" here. We've been pretty tied up with all of it. The conference finished yesterday and we've been catching up on things today. While we were at the conference, I had trouble sending out e-mails.

I'll send you a reply tomorrow.

Like Orchid said; "Enjoy the kids".

When she calls, are you always there to answer the phone? What if, one time you turned off all of the ringers to the phones in your house and did something that the whole family used to do together. Then when that phone rings, you won't hear it, th eanswering machine will take a message? You've got a 6 hour time difference, so even if you call back at 3 am your time it's still 9pm here.

Put the kids to bed and call her back during a time when you know she won't be home, leave an explanation telling her what you were doing, and apologize for calling back so late, but let the message say that you didn't want to wait to long to acknowledge her call. If she happens to answer, then just apologize that the kids were exhausted and are already in bed, but you wanted to let her know you got the call.

That way, she goes a day without talking to them and gets a chance to really see what life would is like without them in her life. Right now she's sorta "cake eating". ...getting her life alone and getting time with the kids.

Orchid is probably better at this than I am, so she might want to chime in here and give her sage advice.

Blessings to you and the kids. BTW - Do you have the book "Power of a Praying Husband'? If you don't get it.

Later'z.

S&C


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi all, well, she is in town for some training, and was picking up the kids today and the lies are still there. At one time, she told me her attorney has the papers that I signed, and all she has to do is sign them. then just 15 minutes later, she told me she had already signed them. I am so sick of this! You know if she said she wanted to come home right now, I would have to tell her NO! You need help. Maybe some day she'll get that help, but right now, I am moving on with my life! Thanks for all of the help. Please stay in touch. Scott

Hi everybody, I don't know if anyone still reads this post but I want to give an update. She has been gone almost 6 months now. They were also with her over the summer. The divorce is final. The kids and I are getting along pretty good. She flew back this weekend to see the kids. I asked her what she wanted to do this weekend, if she wanted the kids all weekend or what? she said she thought we should spend it as a family type event. I thought oh, good she has come around and wanting to work things out. Then today I asked her if she wanted to try to work things out she said "god no, I love my new life and new friends" I told her how I could not believe she chose friends and a new life over her children. then she accused me of telling the kids that, which I never have done. I told her I did not need to tell them, they will figure it out on there own. That moved into what is best for the kids when she comes into town. She truly believes showing them we cna do things as a family, even though we are not going to be a family is better. I think it gives them fasle hope. My daughter asks her every day "mommy, will you come home to live with us?" I don't know. My hope are dashed. I can only imagine what my kids are thinking. Any thoughts?