I promised myself not to jump on and off here but with work, that is all I am able to do right now. I had some questions..My H has moved on and I am happy for him. I am a little sad for his girl friend as he seems to be leading the same lifestlye that I desperately wanted to get away from.

I finally filed for divorce and after a year of not seeing my boys, I get 3 times a month, Holidays & Summer Vacation. I can talk to them now and things on my end are starting to look good. It took alot to make that step and I DID IT.

I am to pick up the boys by 6 on Friday.. I did let the attorneys know that I worked until 5:30pm on Fridays and that my travel time between here and there is 6 hours. His attorney insisted that would not be a problem. Everything seemed okay and now H keeps threatening that if I do not pick them up by 6 on Friday that I would not be seeing them at all. He changed my phone time and then when I called during the phone time, he said it was to late. I reminded him that he changed the time and I was doing what he asked.
He said he would allow me to talk this time but would be changing the time back to what the Court Order had originaly had.

I showed up 10 minutes early after a 6 hour drive and he made me sit in the drive way because I was 10 minutes early.
I asked him to please stop being so ugly to me, that it was making me uncomfortable and the boys could feel it also.

His reply was this is what you wanted right. If you did'nt want this then you would not have filed. Deal with it.

My boys were here for a week and one of them revealed to me that when he gets angry at them he tells them that I am not the one that left you..Your mother is.
The girlfriend tells the boys that you father has raised you all on his own the last 7 years and you should respect him for that.

I am not sure how to approach this situation. I cannot go to their father because he is unwilling to cooperate with me and I have also been told that he yells at them alot and that he pushed our oldest son so hard that he flew across the room.

I have moved on and forgiven myself and given all of this to God. I do at times feel very hurt by the way he talks to me and wish he could just stop.

Sometimes when we talk, I can here is girlfriend telling him what to say in the background.

Will this eventually stop.
I don't know what to do to help the situation get better.

I don't want to point fingers at H and I don't want to make this a battle about who is the better parent.
Everyone has been thru enough..
I would like to talk to him but he does not allow conversations without his girlfriend in the room.
Should I approach them both?

Give your kids the calm and love they need when they are with you. How old are they? I think they are smart enough to realize where they are safe and where things are out of control, regardless of what your WH and his girlfriend try to brainwash them into thinking.

The potential for physical or emotional abuse would be a concern though. Your husband is obviously suffering from his decisions, hopefully he doesn't take it out on the kids. His cruelty to you and his anger at the kids is a sign that things are not happy in his life. If his behaviour gets bad towards the kids I'd definately mention it.

What was your situation? Did you husband leave you for his girlfriend?

I'm glad you are doing well. Finding that peace and happiness with yourself is valuable.

Hey Anji, was wondering what happened to you..... Anywho, I am glad that you are seeing the children that is a huge plus.... Good for you....

While you reintegrate into their lives things are going to be what they are with them and with the Ex...... All I can say at this point is that with the relationship y'all seem to have, the court orders are the law, follow them to the 'T' and document document document anytime he forces a variation from them.....

His anger is his, and I pray that he deals with that in time. Just remember it has no control over you..... Now if I'm remembering correctly you had a pretty universal job, so why be 6 hours away from the kids. Have you thought about moving closer so that you can attend school events and such......... One step at time, I know...

Hello Losthusband.. I work for a real estate company and unfortunatly it does not allow me to travel. I have thought about moving but cannot afford it right now. My oldest son Stepehn joined the Army and will be leaving for IRAQ soon. He comes home every weekend to see me, his brothers and his friends. My 15 is on the honor roll in Highschool and in the Marching Band. They have friends, family and a place they feel is their home. I never had that as a child and it is very important that the boys do.

I do check in the want ads daily and I discuss it with my teenager as well. He misses and loves his brothers very much and would make the move if I found something. I am just not sure what it would do to him to uproot him from everything.

I have started going to church and pray about this alot.
My H likes to start trouble and I feel if I move that close, he may start up again. His girlfriend seems to be as mean and ugly as he is. Right now, I am happy and find it much easier to deal with H at a distance.

I wanted to get your input on something.
Last night was my scheduled call time. 7-8
When I called, H said the boys were unavailable. One was in the shower, the other was doing his homework. Could I please call back. I let him know that this was my only time to call and if he could, I would like to talk to one of them while I waited for the other to get out of the shower. He put the phone down and his girlfriend yelled at the boys saying "One of you better pick the phone up and talk to your mother cause she isnt hanging up and she wont call back"
It hurts to know that the boys have to hear that. I asked H to please stop being ugly to me in front of the boys. I just don't feel like they have to keep hearing how hateful they are to me. My youngest apologized for his dads behavior at one of my pick up times. He told me he was sorry that dad hated me and talked to me they way he does. He wished he would not do it.

What can I do? I try to just kill them with kindness and hope that it will eventually stop. I try to give the boys a safe place to play, love and laugh. I say nothing about their father or the girlfriend and only make our time about us.

I took a "FOR KIDS SAKE" class(I recommend this class to everyone)..A class on children and divorce and how to give your kids the best of both of you. I cried thru some of it and learned so much.

Exactly...... That's the best thing that you can do. For your boys, show them another way to live without the strings of hatred. Anj, they have eyes and ears, they can see and hear what is going on. Dad & GF, though they don't realize it, are only hurting themselves and their relationships with the boys. Your only choice is not to let it hurt or interfere with your relationship with them.

Pray for them, but give them no power over you. I know it's been a long hard struggle to get to where you are. Keep doing the next right thing and you'll do just fine.

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Please remember to be respectful.

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