Hello,


I'm new here, but have been reading for a long time and trying to figure out what to do. I'm nervous, too.

I am a WW, married over 10 years. Our marriage was good for a long time, and I made every effort to be a great wife. I just got tired...nothing I did seemed to make my H happy. I'd always been friends with the OM (he's my H's stepdad, not bio. dad), and he's always treated me like a queen. I had struggled a long time with my feelings for him (praying, told my H long ago, etc) until I cracked this summer. I told the OM my feelings...time went by, we were left alone for a week in the same house (H on a 6 week trip, M-in-L on vacation with friends), and of course you know what happened.

We've tried to stop it, but you've all heard of the addictive nature of A's. Plus, he seems to me to be so loving and caring. And it isn't just S...we cook, clean, do the kids together, etc, and always have.

I told my H. I'm confused. I think I love the OM and want to marry him. I'm afraid that I'll miss this opportunity of a lifetime. But I've caused my H so much pain, don't want to hurt my MIL, and don't want my kids to be from a broken home.

My love for my H is spent...I genuinely tried for so long with no response. Now my H is "awake," but it's too late for my heart. Will the love ever come back? Are there any other WS's out there who have regained their first love for their BS? I have so little hope right now.

My H wants to work on it...he stills loves me. He's a good man.

My real question: How could I ever do a NC with the kids' grandad? Even if we move away, there will always be holidays, etc, and contact. As ANY WS knows, it only takes 60 seconds of contact, or a look or a kind word for all the feelings to rush back in. I agree that NC is the ONLY way to stop it. But how do we accomplish this?

Also, MIL doesn't know yet. They have a tough M, and none of us want to tell her...she's a pretty emotionally fragile person. What a terrible quadrangle!!!

Please help. And please be respectful. I know this is an unusual situation, but I am a real person with real feelings. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hi Habiba,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I can't say much. But I can empathize with you. Four years ago I had an A with my relative's H while I was separated with my H and OM was physically separated from his W due to work. We ended the A without coming clean. It was a very bad choice for me and OM. I regret what I've done. I can't have peace about it.

Just recently OM & his W divorced. I am still separated for five years already. Just like you, my H still wants to work on our marriage, even if he knew about my A. Yes, I told him about it.

But I just happened to know last year that H has A too, that started three years before our separation without me knowing it and had 2 OCs in the span of 7 years long distance A. H see them once a year. OW was my staff and close friend. H is very much willing to work on our marriage and NC the OW.

Anyway, I understand your situation. I know how hard it is. Thank God that your husband is still there for you, willing to work on the marriage.

I was also wondering before how could I maintain NC with exOM being part of the family. But now that they are divorced- I realize that even without exOM in the family anymore- still... it is hard for me to face my family esp exOM's wife and son because of the betrayal that I've done. It is sad. It breaks my heart that I've done that to her and my family.

I know somehow you feel the same way, too. It is hard, I know.

Sorry, I can't help much. Please post also in the General Question board. There are more experienced MBers there that can help you.

Please pray that God will help you to go through with this...

Praying for you,
~someone~

Someone,

Oh, how wonderful to hear from someone who's been in the same mess. I feel for you greatly. Thank you for your kind letter to me.

It's so hard to admit (I must be in the "fog" everyone talks about), but I still hang on to thoughts of marrying him. We've known each other as long as I've been married (11 years), and he's a kind, caring person. I think we were two people lonely in our marriages, meeting each other's needs for years. Neither of us wanted it to go this far, but it's too late now. I don't feel guilty yet (again, the fog), but I want to!

You are so far beyond me in your perspetive. May God help me to be disgusted by this, and give me the strength to save my marriage.

My H has been so patient...occasionally angry or disrespectful, but nothing I don't deserve! I genuinely want to do the right thing, but then I see the OM (daily...he watches the kids while I work, then sends home dinner every day for our family since I'm working...he evens cleans my house when I'm at work sometimes!). It's hard to convince myself of the wrongness of this when so much of our relationship is mutual helping, friendship, etc...the S came much later. Ugh. I know it should be cut-and-dried for me. It's wrong, plain and simple. But it feels right. I'm afraid I'm going to get chewed out for this one!

We'd have to move away for me to ever get over him. Do you still think about your OM? Was he worthy of your love?

Yes, I've posted on General as well. Thanks for telling me. I hope to get some real sense knocked into me soon! I've read the MB site over and over and all of Harley's books at least 3x each!

How will I ever escape, when this relationships seems so wonderful? Ugh.

Dear Someone,

I just talked about myself, without even responding to your situation! Sorry.

It seems your H is willing to work on your M. That's good. May you both have strength. I suppose the only good thing about these A's is the knowledge that we are all vulnerable to them, and we can learn how to prevent them in the future by meeting each other's EN's and preventing LB's and being open and honest. May God help you and your H to rebuild your love and M and bring the best of yourselves to each other again. Praying for you both.

I know I've gained lots of valuable knowledge from the site. I was always afraid to tell my H my feelings...I would try, and sometimes receive discouraging replies, so I quit trying to be honest, and worked harder to be a "perfect wife." Then I just crashed emotionally.

I know that God forgives us, and loves us deeply. You stopped the A with the OM, which means you changed...May God give you freedom from guilt, esp around his ex-W.

Habiba,
This is my first time on this forum. I read your story today and it just broke my heart because I have been where you are.
I am a recovering WW who has been married over 15 years. My A began almost 3 yrs ago with my FIL, the natural F of my BH. The OM was always charming to me from the start, and looking back he met needs that my H did not. My BH is a wonderful man, but we had grown apart over the years, esp. after our 2 kids were born. He is a loving and kind man, but the romance and passion died out, and that's when the A started. At first it was just "innocent" flirting, and though I had fantasies about the OM, I kept telling myself that it was under control. We lived in the same town and saw each other almost every day. Then one day he kissed me on my neck, and I lost control. We tried to stop for a few weeks, but the passion was too much, and the opportunities too easy, and we stopped caring what effect our A would have on the family. The MIL did not know for a long time, though she may have suspected something, since this was not the first A for the OM. After almost a year, my BH found out. He was livid at both of us (rightly so) and has since estranged his F from our family. We moved to another city and broke off all contact with OM. It took a very long time for our M to heal (we still are not where we want to be) and for my BH to trust me again. We do have contact with his M, but usually she comes to visit us, as it is less complicated. I wasn't able to completely have NC with OM for the first few months, though the S stopped immediately. Like you I didn't feel guilty at first, only deprived. Over time my H has learned to meet much of the needs that were missing before, but I can't say it has been easy for either of us.
Stick with it, keep trying, hang on to the good things in your M. If you fell in love once, you can again, but you must open your heart to your H instead of building walls. It sounds like you are lucky to have a BH who is "awake" now and wants to make things better in your M. Give it time, and give it your best.
I feel for you, for your hurts and how you must be torn right now. Keep trying, it does get better! My M is better now than ever, and I never thought it could be this way.
Sending hugs to you, and warm wishes for your M

Dearest Shirleys,

Wow, thank you for sharing your story with me. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who's done this, and to know that I can get through it.

Ours started the same way...he has been meeting my needs for years, and my H hadn't been, and friendship grew into this affair. I had fantasies for years, as well, and kept trying to deal with them...I even confessed them to others and tried to get help. Over the years, though, I caved in.

I know that my FIL and I make each other happy, sort of "effortlessly" meet each other's needs: and this is a "first" for both of us and we were both surprised and dismayed that two such "moral" people could do this.

I am becoming more and more determined to make my M work: my H deserves a loving wife, and my children deserve a good mom, and my MIL deserves a better DIL than I have been. Thank you for your encouragement. I think we're now trying to assess whether we should tell my MIL or not. I just don't want to hurt her...she trusts him utterly, and he is a trustworthy man, in general. (I know BS's would scoff, but I believe this is true as everyone who knows him would say this).

The biggest shock is that we are human, and weak, and capable of such acts.

I will keep trying with my H. Thank you for the warm wishes and your courage. May your M be all that you want and need.

Out of curiosity, did you ever entertain thoughts of wanting to marry him? Did you consider him a soul mate? If so, how did you overcome those feelings?

((((A BIG HUG from me!))))

Habiba,
Yes, for a time we entertained thoughts that we would get married and everything would be fine. Of course we were in the "fog" and weren't at all thinking of our children and family and how they would be affected. That was actually one of the thoughts that helped me to decide to end the A: How would my children see me (us), and would they be more likely to follow in our footsteps because we hadn't returned to the right but had only followed our own selfish desires. Children see a lot, and understand more than we give them credit for, and at any age are very impressionable by people they love and admire. Not that I stayed in my M for the kids' sake, but it did motivate me in some of the more difficult times. To be an example not of someone who never fails, but who does not live a failed life. Some people would selfishly take that to mean we should follow our heart's desires wherever they take us, regardless of the outcome. But that's not what the love in a marriage is about, and even though you might feel like you have lost it for your BH, it is still there and will return if you don't let your mistakes rule your life. Live by your ideals, not just "me first" as affairs really are.
I hope this helps you. Don't give up on your M or your H; there is a lot there worth working for if you open your eyes to it. All the love your BH is showing you will work in you -- just let it flow back to him, mingled with your own love for him. He seems like one you don't want to lose, so hold on to him, and fight for your M.
A big hug back to you

Thanks for your encouragement, shirley.

Today was an eye-opener. I basically asked the OM, "Are you willing to pay the price for us to be together? I am." He finally admitted that, no, he's not willing. This breaks my heart, but I respect myself too much to be someone's mistress forever. I think he knew from the beginning, and I'd been honest from the first that I wanted to marry him, or else I would never have been physically intimate with him. Why did he continue even though he knew he wouldn't marry me?

I've asked him repeatedly: what do you want? His answer was always, "I want you do save your family." (While he sat me in his lap or rubbed my hand or stroked my hair). I'd follow with, "What do you want for YOU?" A: "If I could just take you away with me I would, but I just can't figure out how to make it work." So, no real "NO." Until today.

I'm grieved, I must admit, but have finally given up hope that it will ever be...this helps me to see my H for the wonderful man he really is: he's been so supportive throughout, and is a good listener. I am blessed. He is a truly great man.

My hope is that I will be able to remain strong and not go back to the OM just for comfort in this time. I must be true to my dignity and resist wanting him.

Thanks for all your help, Shirley. I'll look for your name on other posts.

I'll update you in a week or so, but I read this every day, so if you have anything else, I'm so happy to write you.

Have a wonderful day.

Habiba,
I'm so glad you are moving in the right direction. It will be best for your M and you will ultimately find the most happiness in that, not just in making the right decision, but in the good you are doing for others and the love you already have in your BH. You will find that "loving feeling" again, just give it some time. And definitely stay away from the OM, because going back after all this would set you back farther than ever.
As to why he kept the A but didn't intend to marry you, he was acting selfishly (more than in the usual way with an A) and was using you to have pleasure for a while. He might have continued indefinitely as long as it was a secret.
When you need comfort, talk to a friend (not the OM), or better yet, be with your H. The more you open up to him and show him you want to be with him, the faster the healing of your M will be.
May you find true happiness and love with your H. There is much hope, especially now that you are turning in the right direction for your M.
Keep your chin up!

Habiba,
I am a former WW, though my A was with a long-time family friend instead of a family member. Still, I understand much of what you are going through right now. It is painfull on both sides, and I hope your BH is understanding of that.
I don't know from your letters what your faith is, but I will share a few thoughts that have come from my own faith struggles and renewal. Faith in God is a powerful source of strength and hope for us in times of trial. My own faith was shaken when I began my A, and what really tore me up was my justification of the A: "I need to be happy and fulfilled" "I'm not in love with my H anymore" "the OM is my soulmate" "it will be alright for my child and family, they will understand that I needed to do this and I'm happier now" and finally "God wants me to be happy so this really isn't wrong at all." I was in the "FOG" as they say on this forum. What I want to give you is a mix of compassion and correction. If any of your family or friends are only giving you one or the other, it's not really going to help. Love without truth doesn't have a backbone, and truth without love is the bones without the flesh.
God of course does love all of us, regardless of our choices and sins. But He does not want us to keep sinning. He wants to bless you and do good for you, but it may look different than your own plans and desires (actually it almost always does, but it also can be much more than we were expecting).
I went through the pain of being a WW, and though I know now that the pain I caused my family was worse, mine was still very deep and lasted quite a while. You seem to be torn between your own desires right now, and in a way that never changes, though if you keep pressing on to do good you will find more strength. "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7) And also, "Flee from sexual immorality" (1 Cor. 6:18). So it is not good to stay in a situation where we will be continually tempted to sin. You have more resolve now it seems from your last post, but be very careful. My own desires to be with the OM faded over time being in NC, but it does take time, so don't give up hope when you are still struggling with this in a few months. Do stay on the path of right living, renew your love for your BH, and keep pressing on to do right. Don't give up hope, but also don't lose your resolve concerning your M and the OM. Do whatever it takes to end the A, because if you keep going back to the OM you will never break free. You have given yourself a unique opportunity to change the course of your life and be a "new creation;" don't fall back. If you have a Bible, read Romans chapter 6, which talks about God's grace given to us not so we can do what we want, but so we can choose and do what He wants ("righteousness"). Look to God for your light, and don't just follow your own desires (they usually lead us astray, as we all know). Hold on to the love you once had for your BH, and don't let his love fade away, as a friend of mine did during her A and subsequent divorce from her BH. He quickly got tired of waiting for her and found someone else, and now she has lost a great man (the OM ended the A a few months after the D, so she is really alone and struggling right now).
I hope some of this can encourage you. I know your pain and struggles, as I have been there too. But thankfully I also know of the joy of a renewed M with my H, and it is so much better now that ever before, maybe in part due to the A. God's ways are higher than ours, and He can turn any trial to gold for us. Trust in Him, and turn back to your H in your heart. May you find marital bliss with him again, and knowledge and tools to help you thrive together for a lifetime.
God bless you, and show you His love and grace.

Habiba,

Is your H posting on this site? If so, is it true that you have asked him to leave your home so that YOU can sort out your feelings? I hope it is not. You two apart is a very very bad idea at this point.

You also said
First you say you had a good marriage for a long time and you made every effort to be a good W. Yet, you also say that you fantazied about OM for years. Do you see where the "fog" is coming in here? You also say he has met your EN's and treated you as a queen.

Guess why that was? You idolized, he had sex with other women including his W, and your H was working to support you and the children right? Further, while you may not realize this you fantazing about OM all of this time, took the romance out of the marriage big time.

Finally, you did NOT have the affair because your EN's weren't being met. You had the affair because you DECIDED you wanted to. Your H, and your MIL had NO say in this what so ever. You have now rationalized this by focusing all of your H's failing and forgetting his good points. Normal, very normal for someone still in the affair.

This is my last point as long as you are having daily contact with OM, you are still in the affair, and there is NO CHANCE your H has a hope of rebuilding the marriage because you will NOT let him. You cannot let him because to do so would be to truely admit how poorly you have chosen in having this affair.

If you want to do something constructive for your family, tell his MIL what you have done, and cease ALL contact with OM. Anything short of that is just a lie.

I know this sounds harsh, but you are on a marriage building site, and the ONLY way your marriage has a chance is for you to wake up and realize what you are doing to yourself, your family and your H. Start now. You KNOW the OM only wanted what he got...you in his bed with no cost to him. You got what you wanted your fantasy fulfilled but the cost is going to be very very high.

I do hope you think about these things, do the reading on this site, and really step back and look at what you have done.

God Bless,

JL

Yes, JL, my husband is posting now, and I'm glad. I think all the info. he's gotten has largely come from me and my extensive reading of Harley's material...he didn't read as much as I have, or talk to other people to get support...so I'm very glad he's here now. I think he definitely needs to get advice from someone other than ME!

My H and I are talking constantly about it, and trying to figure out what to do. He really listens and cares, but sometimes the result is that he doesn't take the firm action needed because he wants to make me happy. I'm so weak right now that I just want my H to step in and "save" me from myself, to move us away without asking me. Does that make sense? I need him to be strong...and I think he'll get the strength he needs from you all talking to him. I've always been strong -- but not right now. This A was like water to a parched soul...of course I would want it to continue! He needs support and advice from you all...please keep talking to us, to him.

Shirley, thank you for your encouragement and hope. It's so wonderful to find wise advice mixed with love.

And 1FC, wow. Thank you for your exhortation to me...these are all truths I have been pushing aside in my desperation to have my desires met. I have (had) a very deep faith, and I feel as you did...confused, saying the same things ("God wants me to be happy" etc.). But I need to know if God really cares for me...it seems that our married life has been a series of deprivations, many self-induced, and I just got tired of living a life of sacrifice. You see, we have been missionaries for most of our marriage, and we've lived in some of the harshest physical and spiritual environments in the world. I have poured out my soul, my strength, my heart in ministering to others all these years: my H, my dear children, and many many dear friends in dark places. I'd always been willing to lay down my desires to do what pleases God...I've given up so much, so many times. I've been blessed to lay down my life, I did it joyfully most of the time...but something snapped inside of me last summer: does God only want my righteousness? my sacrifice? my good works? Doesn't He care about me?

I still don't know the answer.

Even now, my H will say, "We must sacrifice to save our M, our family," and my heart just goes cold. I feel as if I'm always the one who has to sacrifice, to give up good things for the sake of others. And even if it's too painful to admit for any BS, an A meets deep, deep needs within the WS. It's somewhat like a drug, but more. Drugs are recreational, pure pleasure. I'm not a person who has EVER lived seeking pleasure -- quite the opposite. I've always been willing and able to set aside pleasure to do the necessary thing. If this were just about "fun" or "pleasure" it would be easy to leave.

No, I'm not wanting to continue this A because it's "pleasurable." There is something about it which is [color:"orange"] [/color] necessary [color:"white"] [/color] . And my deep fears about re-committing to my marriage are fears of starving again, not fears of simply not having "gourmet" food. This isn't about wanting to live "high on the hog." This is about simply getting enough to eat to survive emotionally.

Are there any WS's out there who can identify? I think it's easier for the BS's to act as if it's all about us wanting fun or excitement. That's the furthest thing from my mind. I think it's easy to minimize the phrase Emotional Needs...heck, we even abbreviate it! EN, EN, EN. These aren't Emotional Wants, they're not Emotional Suger-Highs, they are Needs, as important to our souls as food and water are to our bodies. What spouse would submit to a marriage in which they knew they would only be fed bread and water for the rest of their lives? None of us. And yet, when it comes to marriage, I sometimes get the feeling that we're expected to minimize our Emotional Needs in this way.

Why do you think so many people have A's? Why do they cling to their lovers? Why are they willing to give up anything to continue them? Are all these people just selfish jerks? Or could it be that they are deeply thirsty and have found a well which actually has water in it?

If a wife can't cook, should her husband eat at someone else's house? NO. But he has to eat. She either needs to learn to cook, or he could cook in return for her doing something else, or they should go out to eat. It's the same with EN's. We must find a solution that gets us fed without eating at someone else's house.

I think an A can really make you look long and hard at life, God, everything. I've heard all the answers, all the verses. I'm surrounded by well-meaning friends who give me the "bones" without the "flesh." You, dear 1FC, have given me understanding, compassion, as well as truth, and I thank you for it. If you have time to write again or tell me more, I would love to hear from you.

For that matter, anyone who has a response to what I've written today...I'd love to hear your perspective.

Thank you to you all.

You have humiliated and disrespected your husband and your mother-in-law in the worst possible way. You continue to live in their home and you continue to justify what you have been doing? My God, how would you feel if the roles were reversed? How is possible for your to look at your mother-in-law in the face while you are living in her home?

The fact that your father-in-law has told you he was not interested in having a life with you shows you that he played you for a fool and for his own sexual pleasure. Clearly he did not care how much he humiliated his own wife. By the way, a man who will will cheat with you is a man who will cheat on you.

Your husband seems like a nice guy and clearly you see this as a sign of weakness. I have to tell you that most men would have gone ballistic on his stepfather, immediately told his mother and would be looking for an attorney right now. The fact that you show so little remorse from what you have done and then justify and rationalize it as a positive is chilling. It seems your husband is now the doorprize because your stepfather just wants to use you and not go away with you to start a life. It is sad that you see your husband as such a doormat. Unfortunately it sounds like he is. He wishes to give you space while you are the one that should be begging for his forgiveness. I hope your husband opens his eyes and asks himself why is he accepting this? Clearly you still don't get it. What a mess.

BryanP,

Please be clear: I am not justifying my actions in any way. I know that what I did was wrong. But it is so easy to polarize people and say that they are "all bad" or "all good," and ignore the deeper issues. I am in no way saying that my actions are ok, good, or in any way excusable. What I am trying to do is explore the reasons behind those actions.

One person is not better than another. If you would like to give serious thought to the questions I have raised, then I would be happy to engage you on that level. I daresay there are many, many people out there who have asked the same questions.

I am looking for answers, not condemnation.

Perhaps you've never done anything wrong? Maybe you've never hurt another human being in your life, or gone back on your word? Are you perfect? I doubt it. I'd be willing to bet that you are human, just like me. I'd even be willing to go so far as to say that you have probably done things you regret once or twice. And if you are wise, you will find out WHY you did that thing so that you will
NEVER, EVER repeat it.

I am seeking to prevent this from ever happening again. I want to be very aware of the circumstances and emotions leading up to this tragic event so that I can avoid it in the future.

Very Sincerely,

Habiba

Habiba,
Sometimes others post what seems to be an extreme viewpoint simply because it is different from what you see or desire. Do not be upset by this, but do try to see the situation from their side. They as well need to hear you and can learn why an A can happen if they will listen. But please don't move in the opposite direction just because you disagree. Keep pressing on in your M, and do the extreme steps necessary to save your M and fall in love again with your BH. I have read his post, and he seems now to be gaining in strength and wisdom, where your OM seems to have lost his backbone and any chance of redeeming himself in this ugly situation. From my POV, the H sounds like a better man for a lifetime choice, and he will just keep getting better now that he is on the right track. Keep the faith and hope you once had, and guard yourself against the temptation to wander back to the OM. He doen't deserve your love, though in your fog you may still think so. Set yourself free from him; take control of your own life instead of being "blown and tossed" by every wind of desire. Have the courage to return to your husband.
All the best. God bless you in this trial. I am praying for you, dear woman. You are loved by God, and also by your husband I can see. Trust in both of those loves!

Your distainful belittlement of your your mother-in-law is stunning.

Explore that.

Well I hope you've been disrespected and judged enough by complete strangers to realize you won't find that HERE.

I hope it all works out for you. I'd love to post to you and your H both ... but the replies and rude responses, are enough to steer me far away from even trying.

Not rude at all. Just practical.

I think there is incredible hostility toward her mother-in-law.

If she wants to explore her "reasons".... I think it makes sense to begin with that hostility which gave her permission to tread where no respectful, loving daughter-in-law would think of going .... to bed with her husband.

There is judgement and judement. It is not rude or wrong to say that an A is sinful, disrespectful, harmful, unloving, selfish, and just plain wrong. It is the condemnation of a WS as evil or all bad that is wrong. Everyone has been made in the image of God the creator, and from that we all have the potential (and charge) to do good and be holy. But we have all fallen into sin, and the flesh is a powerful force in our lives. It is not wrong to be tempted, but rather to give in to that temptation. I believe it is a valid issue to explore the reasons behind an A, so long as that does not lead to a justification of the sinful actions of 2 people, and so long as they can take full responsibility for their choices. The goal of this site is to help both sides get through the horrible aftermath of an affair, with an aim to reconciliation if at all possible.
Habiba, you are waivering back and forth in your thoughts and words. This is normal for where you are at, and will continue somewhat when you begin NC (have you progressed toward that, or do you still hold to the dark path you have begun walking with your FIL?). But don't let your actions waiver as well as your thoughts; make a choice to do the right thing, and you will be blessed. God wants to do good to you and bless you, but you must get up out of the mire you are in to take hold of that blessing by His grace. As shirleys said earlier, it's not the falling down but the staying down that is so wrong. Your H seems to be quite willing to forgive you and make positive changes in your M, but he can't hold out forever. Don't keep pushing him away. Now is the time to move towards him and away from the OM. Get help, but get away from him. The OM has been as selfish as you, do not be deceived. His actions towards you now are not thinking about what is good for you, but what pleases himself, just as your wanting to stay with him does good to nobody, not even you (you may still be in the fog enough not to recognize this). If everyone around you and on this site tells you the A is a bad thing, how can you persist in thinking it would be good to stay with the OM? Trust in God and His ways. Trust in your BH, who obviously loves you more than the OM, and wants the A to end not just for himself but for your good and the good of your kids. Have the courage to do whatever it takes to end the A, both in your actions and deep down in your heart. Look at your husband, and love him. "...Cast aside everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and run the race with perseverance." (Hebrews 12)
I am praying hard for you, and I'm sure many family and friends are as well. May God give you His grace to help you walk with Him, and for the healing of your marriage.
God bless you.

Dear 1FC,

Thank you for your encouragement once again. I appreciate your advice, and I am working toward saving my marriage. I don't have NC with the OM (he watches our kids while I work, etc.) but PA is done. My H is getting ready to tell my MIL, which scares me to death and shook me out of some of the fog...but I think it is the only way to stop this A from continuing. I don't want her to know what I've done (I do love her...ugh, I've done such wrong!), but I must face up to the consequences of my actions. My H is being kind and supportive in all of this and is committed to me. Thank goodness for that! I know it's more than I deserve.

I'll keep you updated on what happens.