I need some opinions. I am the BS, my WW has been in NC for little over 3 weeks. Obviously we have a long way to go, she is still in withdrawal. Of course I don't have to tell any BS how difficult this is. But, it is currently better than if she ever makes contact with OM again. I'm not sure I can handle even trying after another contact if it means starting over with withdrawal. OM lives near in the same town. We both have good jobs, good schools, house, friends, church, ect. What do we do? If she sees him at a store what happens? None of the above matters to me if my kids don't have their mom and dad.

At first reading, Dr. Harley's ideas of moving to another state sounded extreme. But it's not punishment to the FWS, and once you get used to the idea there is alot of attraction to the thought of a new start, and neither of you having to worry about all the accidental meetings.

headsouth,

Quote: None of the above matters to me if my kids don't have their mom and dad.

It appears that you have answered your own question.

Best of luck, you are in my prayers

Remember also not to make huge life-changing decisions while still on the emotional roller-coaster. Write down your options with pros and cons. Play devils advocate. Definitely think of all possible options but don't make a hasty decision you might later regret.

Hmm.

My wife's OM was our next door neighbour. We moved until such time as he sold his home and moved away - we are now back in our home which we own.

But, we also had/have to take measures to ensure no contact. For us that involved changing a football club our son played for and my wife can no longer shop where she used to shop. Sucks but them's the consequences. It isn't fair but you have to protect yourself.

Our OM moved only a short distance away.

I really just suggest that you find places you can live your life without the possibility of contact. Maybe even talk to OM regarding ground rules so both your families can move on.

Worst case - move away - but try and exhaust other options first.

Thanks for the ideas. It helps. What a tough call. I just got a raise today that I've been working at for years. It just sucks, it's not a big town. If we stay there will eventually be some incidental contact. Plus the temptation on her part to just go there. Arrrrggggh. I just want to wake up from this horrible dream.

I just posted the previous under my wifes username. Ooops

headsouth,

We moved out of our home city bc of the SOW.
We spent a year and a half post Dday living in the same community, same church, kids in same schools...
For the longest time SOW insinuated herself by continually driving by our house, parking near us at church/school functions etc.

My FWH never wanted to reinitiate contact. He was disgusted with himself and her. But it sent me into a tailspin everytime I left my home. It was like putting a fresh bandaid on a wound and then RIPPING it off each time I was exposed to her.

After much time and consideration, we moved about 125 miles away. We had to move so far bc my H's field is very specialized and this was the closest position we could find.

It is an adjustment. It has its pros [no OP] and cons [no family around, kids hated moving] but we are getting by. We have been here in our new home for almost 10 months.

Some days I feel whipped and 'chased' from my hometown.
Other days I am thankful I can leave my home & be in my community w/o anxiety.

It is a MAJOR decision with many implications. Spend lots of time talking with your W about it, and consider all your options. Write down all your pros and cons. Take your time.