Hi, I’m new to this forum and pretty distressed about a problem that I am too embarrassed to discuss with anyone I know in person. I’ve been married for three years, and am pregnant with our first child. My husband’s sister (my age) and we have never exactly liked each other—she was very hostile towards me (nothing dramatic but petty behavior, slights) after she found out that he was serious about me—I couldn’t for the world figure out why she was like that or what I was doing to her that was so bad—it put a real strain on my and my husband’s relationship—but things have become better with her over the years, even though they’re not great.

A couple of days ago, my husbad admitted something very disturbing to me: He said that he once saw his sister naked and masturbating—she was 14 and he 17—and he has reason to believe that she did that on purpose (meaning, for him to see). She had her door open, she must have heard him coming because he was talking loudly, and she made no effort to cover herself when he saw her. Then, 2 years later, she and he had to share a room for a couple of weeks or so when they were on a trip with the family. She would strip naked in the adjoining bathroom right across from his bed and clean up getting ready for bed, making provocative moves, etc. If this is not disturbing enough, he masturbated while looking at her. He told me that usually when he masturbates he doesn’t think that he would actually have sex with the woman if he had an opportunity to, but he actually wanted to have sex with her, and would have if he weren’t so timid. He would actually let her see him masturbate. Nothing happened, and this went on for those two weeks, and a little while afterwards he would masturbate thinking of her.

He and I met three years later. He says he feels bad about this He tells me he doesn’t think like this about her anymore, to just think of her as any other woman showing T and A that he was aroused by, but it doesn’t feel the same to me. She’s mean, tried to put a wedge between us, and I have to see her pretty often because we visit his family often. I find this really distressing. I know that thoughts of incest are probably more common than I used to believe, but I just feel a little sickened by this. I don’t know what to do. Is this normalm something I shouldn't worry about? Have any of you dealt with anything similar? I don’t even know what to think.

Hi jenn
I see your post has gone un-answered for awhile now so I will jump in to let you know someone is around and reading. It will also bump the topic up and maybe others will reply. I won't be around much later today.

This is a disturbing situation but I think you have to give a lot of credit to your husband for his honesty here. He must have a lot of trust in you to admit something like this, and I'll bet it bothers him more than he is letting on and needed to talk with someone. His honesty also makes me think he has a lot of regret.

Keep in mind that they were both very young at the time and no doubt had hormones raging. No excuse .. but we all do a lot of stupid, irresponsible and silly things in those teenage years. I think he should be thankful it didn't go any further than it did. As long as he acknowledges the wrongs of the situation and his thinking has matured into a healthy attitude, he needs to forgive himself for his mistake and put it in the past. Look into councelling if he cannot.

Maybe talk this through with your H and decide where you go from here in relation to the sister.

If you continue to receive little response once the thread has been bumped up, maybe copy and post again in emotional needs forum later today.

You are in the right place and will receive help and advice, I think other topics forum is a bit slower than some of the others.

LL

Thank you LadyLayla. I will try that.

Have you talked to his sister about her behaviour towards you? Just ask her straight out if she has a problem with you. I did that to my H sister and she told me what the problem was and I agreed she was right. Sometimes they are totally unaware of what they are doing, like I was.
People can't guess what the issue is, sometimes you have to ask. See if she admits to anything and try to suss her out if it all bothers you.
I think your H is great to have told you. You can't control his sister but maybe you could set some boundaries. Not sure what sort of boundaries as I'm non to good at it myself but I just felt like responding to your post. It was very interesting as I sometimes worry about my own 2 children 10 and 7. My girl seems a little provocative sometimes and I watch them closely. Too bad his parents were not more up on such inappropriate behaviour. I will try my best not to allow such going ons around my family as it would create strange feelings if not dealt with. I talk to the children directly about inappropriate touching and such things. Good luck with you sister in law. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />