Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1617988 03/23/06 08:58 AM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 31
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 31
I've had a long, tough road. First visited this site more than 10 years ago during discovery of 1st affair. Read all the MB stuff, but stumbled upon something yesterday that I need an honest opinion on. I think I may have been married to a narcissist for the past 25 years. Or at least someone with severe traits, not the full-blown disorder.

I just found out about a 2nd affair this winter - for all I know it's still on-going. Course now he's begging because this time I'm standing my ground -refusing to acknowlege that I caused his behavior - my kids are almost grown. I admit that I did withdraw somewhat recently because I could see what his repeated behavior was beginning to do to my psyche. There is only so much giving a person can do without reciprocation.

It's always been all about him. Searching for someone to constantly feed him, but doesn't give much of anything in return. I always felt I wasn't good enough - tried giving him his "space", letting him buy all his toys, telling him how much he meant to me. Doesn't take responsibility for his actions - has had 5 jobs in the last 10 years - mostly because he wasn't satisfied or something was wrong with the people he worked for. A couple he got fired from.

Just curious if anyone else out there has dealt with this personality type and if they could describe the characteristics and how they dealt with it. We are both in IC - H has said that we have relationship issues, and I agree I've been anxious - on some meds and seeing my own IC. But this time I firmly believe that has his own issues he has to deal with. (as does my family and the few friends we have left as a couple - According to H, there's something wrong with most of them because they are judging him) He says he agrees and will be trying to get at the core. If it is narcissistic personality, can it be "cured"? Web sites don't think so.

Thanks

T2D

BTW - I've been posting on recovery under a different name, but H reads them and is challenging me on all of it. So I changed names and am posting here.

Time2Decide #1617989 03/23/06 10:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 152
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 152
I have recently found that my FIL has NPD...here are the traits.......hope this helps you

WHAT IS NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?
An all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behaviour), need for admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early adulthood and present in various contexts. Five (or more) of the following criteria must be met:


Feels grandiose and self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion

Firmaly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions)

Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation -or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply).

Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations

Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends

Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others

Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her

Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted.



More Data About Pathological Narcissists

Most narcissists (75%) are men.
NPD (=the Narcissistic Personality Disorder) is one of a "family" of personality disorders (formerly known as "Cluster B"). Other members: Borderline PD, Antisocial PD and Histrionic PD.
NPD is often diagnosed with other mental health disorders ("co-morbidity") - or with substance abuse, or impulsive and reckless behaviours ("dual diagnosis").
NPD is new (1980) mental health category in the Diagnostic and Statistics Manual (DSM).
There is only scant research regarding narcissism. But what there is has not demonstrated any ethnic, social, cultural, economic, genetic, or professional predilection to NPD.
It is estimated that 0.7-1% of the general population suffer from NPD.
Pathological narcissism was first described in detail by Freud. Other major contributors are: Klein, Horney, Kohut, Kernberg, Millon, Roningstam, Gunderson, Hare.
The onset of narcissism is in infancy, childhood and early adolescence. It is commonly attributed to childhood abuse and trauma inflicted by parents, authority figures, or even peers.
There is a whole range of narcissistic reactions - from the mild, reactive and transient to the permanent personality disorder.
Narcissists are either "Cerebral" (derive their narcissistic supply from their intelligence or academic achievements) - or "Somatic" (derive their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess and "conquests").
Narcissists are either "Classic" - see definition below - or they are "Compensatory", or "Inverted" - see definitions here: "The Inverted Narcissist" - http://www.geocities.com/vaksam/faq66.html
NPD is treated in talk therapy (psychodynamic or cognitive-behavioural). The prognosis for an adult narcissist is poor, though his adaptation to life and to others can improve with treatment. Medication is applied to side-effects and behaviours (such as mood or affect disorders and obsession-compulsion) - usually with some success.


Me BS 32 Him WH 30 DD 5 DS 3 DD born Feb 6 He filed Feb 23 He moved out March 11
texasbeauty #1617990 03/23/06 12:27 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 31
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 31
Thanks, Tex - I would say that my H exhibits some of #2, all of #4, #5 (although he always says he doesn't "expect" anything), all of #6, some of #8 and some of #9.

About the empathy - I think he feels genuine empathy for most, but I haven't seen him express much empathy for me over the years.

I'm so confused - I'm not sure what is "real" with my H's behavior. I am reading the link and it's very interesting.


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (vivian alva), 1,543 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Zion9038xe, renki, Gocroswell, Allen Inverson, Logan bauer
72,026 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by leemc - 07/18/25 10:58 AM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,522
Members72,027
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0