I am so lost. Long story short....been married since Sept 1999, separated once from April 2005-July 2005. Found out he had 2 affairs. He did not admit them to me. His friend told me. The first lasted 1 month, when our youngest was a baby. The last was after I left him short term. When I left I told him I was leaving so he could get his priorities straight in life, and if he went to counseling, I would come back. Instead, I later find out....10 days after I left, he brings a woman (who knows me well), back to our family home (which I helped pay for even after I left), and has unprotected sex with her in our bed. This went on until July 2nd, when his best friend called me and said he had something to tell me, and could not take it anymore. So, he dropped the bomb. I was FURIOUS!!!! I was enroute to CA, and in the airport when he called. I called my husband at work to confront him. First, he denied it. Then I told him I already knew everything. LONG pause...then he says he's so sorry so sorry so sorry. Please come home so we can work this out. I came back from my trip early.
While I was gone, he bought me a new engagement ring. When I came back he begged me to come back to him. Said that he had been so bad to me, he was sorry, and would go to counseling, get on AD's, and be better to me for the rest of my life. SO, I took him back (we have 3 kids). He went to 3 or 4 counseling sessions, took meds for about 3 weeks. I could see a HUGE difference. He decided no more counseling, no more AD's bc there was nothing wrong with him.
In September, my mom died. Was really sad. I was the last person she talked to. She momentarily came out of a drug induced coma and told me she loved me. He was supportive.
In October, things started going downhill, he became distant, not helping with the house, etc. In Feb 2006, I had to have surgery, and was out of commission for some time. He helped me for 5 days after surgery, then, once he saw I was up and around a LITTLE, the help stopped. The last time he so much as held my hand was February 4, 2006. I have tried to talk to him, to no avail. He says there's no reason to have a dream in life, bc it never happens anyway. We are living in my mom's very small house with the kids because I cannot stomach living in my own home (4BR 2BA). That home is on the market to be sold. He told me he has no plan for the future, no goals. No sense in it. Just go to work, come home, every day. NOW, I tried, shortly after my surgery, to ask him to sit with me on the couch, was too busy on the comp. Asked him several days later to go to bed with me, was watching tv. So, I detached. I tried to talk to him about it, and he would not talk, said I was making a big deal about nothing. In Jan he said he wanted all of us to move to a warmer state in June, and start over. Then, in Feb, he said, there's no work there, and he plans to be here for at least 15 years. So, summing it up, my husband will tell me he loves me, give me a peck on the lips, not show any affection (but plenty to our kids, thankfully), not help me in the house, not even try to have any outside activity with me, not call me at all during the day. It's just so much. I love him, still. I sent all of this marriage builder info to him, asked him to read it. Even sent him a copy of the Walkaway Wife Syndrome from another site.
Is there any hope? I love him, but, am about ready to give up !!
