I am going through a divorce and I am very lonely. All of my friends are either married and have stuff going on or my friends that are not married don't want to do anything. I don't know what to do. I am tired of sitting in the house and crying all of the time. Has anyone run into this problem? I am beginning to feel like it is me and all the horrible stuff my STBXH said are true!

Help yourself here.
You would be surprised that there are many others in your situation.
First, look in your local newspaper or phone book and find a local divorce support group. While MB is great, these live people can be invaluable to your recovery, and typically have great advice. An online source is www.divorcecare.org. Many groups are offered at churches, but you don't need to be of that domination.

Do you have kids? If so, there is a kids support group and when the kids meet, the parents get together too. That is www.rainbows.org

Next, you've probably worn out your friends with divorce talk, so expand your horizons. Do you have a counselor? If not, they can help you through the emotional trauma.

Now, think of what you can do for yourself. Can you get out and exercise? - clears the mind and creates physical exhaustion, and raises seritonin levels.
Spend time with friends or family doing activities you enjoy. Take up a new activity - golf, driving range etc.

There are also tons of books to read to help you through the grieving process. Your crying now is cathartic. You are grieving the loss of a marriage. If you ignored this step of the process, you would miss a huge piece of your recovery. The longer you've been married, the longer you may need to heal. Crying is good for you, let the tears roll. One day soon, you'll find you don't want to cry.

Newly gave you some great ideas. Some churches also offer Divorce Care for Kids, it's called DC4 Kids.

I went through Divorce Care program, the program lasts for 13 weeks. I went through the program 3 times, each time I was getting something new out of it. After the Divorce Care Program, the church also provide "Boundaries" class for us, that program took 9 weeks to complete.

The one thing I found that was helpful about the support groups was this: our friends and relatives are great supporters but if they have never been through a divorce, they really don't understand what you are going through. In Divorce Care you are among people who are going through the same thing and understand what you are going through and how you feel. Our group was very close and all of us gals ended up being friends and often plan activities for the weekends, the men did their own thing.

Some other ideas are, travel, take a class at a local college, join a gym, I know some people have gotten a new puppy or kitten for companionship.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you for the advice. I know I need to get out and do things. It's just finding people to do it with. I know there are others going through the same thing. It just seems that other people are fortunate enough to have friends and family to do things with and I don't. It is a difficult thing.

I am surprised that I haven't heard from other people who are going through the same thing.

I found a best friend at my divorce support group. It was truly a blessing.
And the group planned social outings to get people out of the doldrums. This was not a dating group, just a dinner out, or a comedy club night, or a baseball game with families. I can no longer go due to my kids schedule, but am still on the email list for events. A friend's mom died recently, and a good deal of the group showed up for support. His extended family could see the friendships he had made, and how important he was to many people.

I joke that I've used the resources of many denominations to help recover: Presbyterian, methodist, lutheran churches all sponsored events that aided in my recovery.

People come into and out of our lives for a reason. Perhaps you posted here just to nudge you out the door to seek help.

I ran into that when WH first started his running around. Though,I did have a pretty full schedule with work, home stuff, shopping and my horse. But it was difficult when it came to meals - I was tired of eating alone or not eating. So I started going out to lunch/dinner alone - that's when I started to met more people both male and female. I try to frequent the same restaurants or the same area - and many times I will run into these new acquaintances. It takes away the loneliness of eating alone.

Alot of my good friends are M too - so I just had to go out alone and strike up conversations. Give off the right body language that others see you as open and ready to converse. Or start a conversation with someone you aren't the only one in this situation.

It gets easier each time - so get out there - you 'll end up finding others in simaliar situatations. I've made many new friends this way and people that I only knew to say Hi to - have become more than a hello..

Don't think of having to start over because of the lose of your STBXH - set your mind that you've moved to a new area, you don't know anyone and need to start making friends.

HUGS

Dear Lily,

I went through a period of crying and staying at home too. I think it was a necessary part of my recovery. But I do not allow myself to be miserable for too long.

Most of my friends are married, but luckily, some of them do make time for me. I don't get asked out a lot, so once in a while, I do the asking-- I plan a small dinner party at a nearby restaurant and invite a few people.

I love nature, so I've joined the local chapter of our nature society. There are activities every week-- nature photography, walks, visits to forest research facilities, etc. There are longer trips every now and then, we've gone mountain climbing and jungle trekking. Doing these things give me a sense of achievement. I meet new people here all the time, some of them are single so we go out for dinner or movies once in a while.

Do you have a particular interest or a skill? Sudoku is very popular where I am, and there are matches every week. People just walk in to watch the match, and because of the same interest, it's easy to strike a conversation.

Some weekends, especially when I've been very stressed with work during the week, I go to the salon, get my hair styled and my nails done. Then I'd think 'why waste the pretty' and even if I am not meeting anyone, I stay out of the house, go shopping or drop by at my brother's and take my nephews out. He is always thankful for someone taking the kids out of his hands!

See, most of the things above I started doing alone. Friends are people you meet on the way. You also have to learn that when you can't find company, you can still treat yourself well and be your own best friend!

Look at this period as a time to broaden your horizons and live life! Little efforts first, and it'll be easier soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />