During my last appointment with my counselor, he told me his theory on reaching out to your family. He believes that it is the duty of the oldest adult, the parent, grandparent, etc, to keep relationships going by continued reaching out.

For example, his approach is that somebody like my inlaws shouldn't be waiting for their grandkids to call. If they value the relationship, the grandparents should take the initative to call. They are the adults. They have the most interest vested in preserving the relationship. Kids or young adults (perhaps just in relation to their parents' age) don't always place as much value and effort into it.

He feels that as parents, when we call our kids, we're probably going to speak to a lot of answering machines. That is normal and to be expected. Chances are, we're not always going to get a return call. However, we shouldn't be peevish and impatient about it. It's our duty to keep reaching out, to leave cheerful messages and continue calling. Not that we shouldn't have boundaries but that we should keep the door open. He feels that the rewards are great.

Somehow, I was very encouraged and comforted by this statement. In my case, my CH seldom talks to his kids. My Inlaws have decided to choose their cheating son over their grandchildren. They do not contact their grandkids and have been in a huff because they feel the kids never call them.

I must say that one of the first things I did when I got home was to call my own mom. I thought about all the messages she's left on my machine that I've been too busy or emotionally drained to return. It was a good call.

Anybody have an opinion about this? Comment?

I agree with your counselor 100%. I ahve done the same with a son who was very angry with me about something that had taken place in his young life. I was by the continued reaching out that we were able to patch things up and become closer. At times we need to step up to the plate and open the door.

So True. Doesn't always work, but so true.

I think your IC is spot on.

My STBX has been a complete a$$ about many, many things - and of course it's true he shouldn't have left in the first place, but at least he has called his kids almost every day since he did leave, and sees them when he is supposed to.

Alph.

I think it was good advice. Children don't know any better. An adult does, or should. TT

I agree. Older people serve as examples. But what's wrong with teaching your kids to call anyway?

Do your kids know that your inlaws feel bad that they dont call enough? If I were the grandkid, I would want to know that. Why not encourage them to call more often?