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plan A letter- need help!
#1618777 03/24/06 11:02 AM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 72
C
cantgiveup
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cantgiveup
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ok, so wh is still out of the house after 9 days of thinking time. He is wanting more time, but wants to come over and talk about is feelings. Admitted to seeing OW at work yesterday.

Everything in me wants to quit- I am so tired of hurting, wishing, waiting. Paln A on the phone every few days is doing nothing but making him think he can keep me on a string while he lives his single life- bars, concerts- anything but me and kids.

So, I thought a plan A letter with emphasis on his current choices, and contact with OW, would express my feelings and move us on to another phase.

SUGGESTIONS PLEASE!!!!!

P.S. we are 2 months past D- day (1/27/06.)
Re: plan A letter- need help!
cantgiveup #1618778 03/24/06 11:18 AM
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Posts: 10,060
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worthatry Offline
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If you want to write a Plan A letter, I suggest you start with the Plan B letter in SAA, customize it for your sitch, and just leave out the "going dark" punch line.
Quote
I thought a plan A letter with emphasis on his current choices, and contact with OW, would express my feelings and move us on to another phase.


This sounds like it would be more an ultimatum letter than Plan A letter.

Whatever you write, post it here for review.

WAT
WAT's Quick Start Guidelines For Betrayed Spouses
Affair Exposure 101
Re: plan A letter- need help!
worthatry #1618779 03/24/06 11:47 AM
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cantgiveup
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oops- I sent it when I meant to save it as a draft. It said :

I want you to know that I am saddened and hurt by what is going on right now, I take responsibility for my contributions to our poor marital sate as it is currently. I am certain that our marriage can survive this crisis if we both want it to. I have a plan for a better marriage than ever, and I look forward to getting started on it.

should I have mentioned OW?
Re: plan A letter- need help!
cantgiveup #1618780 03/24/06 12:03 PM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
No. Va.
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worthatry Offline
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worthatry
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If you already sent that, it's about as good as a short Plan A letter could be - IMHO. More like a Plan A "note." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

See how he reacts, but do not expect anything. You hope to have planted a seed.

I might have recommended - in a longer version - that you give an example of a need of his you weren't meeting that you now have a better appreciation for.

No need to mention OP, although some BSs do. I did in my Plan A letter because my WS was adamant that an affair did not exist and I wanted to communicate that even WHEN an affair existed, I'd still be willing to recomcile. (She still denies an affair existed today even though they married soon after our respective divorces. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> )

WAT

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