I don't know when this hurting and crazy pain will end but today I took very definite final steps into ending the EA. I went to work and handed in my resignation. My H is really mad at me for this for I have not found a job to replace this one yet and started speaking of all that we will do "without" until I find work. I don't understand the thinking in this train of thought of his but I am leaving behind a nightmare I soon want to forget and it feels cleansing to do just this. Unfortunately OM zeroed in on me today. Wanted me to tell him he wasn't the reason, come on...really. LOSER!!!! I'm going to be ok with this and I really think I am finding my way out of the fog, the pain I'm experiencing is the pain I've created upon myself. It's over, period. Funny point, OM asks does this mean I will never see you again? Is it me or what?

Good for you!!

I'm not sure of your religious beliefs..doesn't matter to me..

But me, I have ALL FAITH..that you will be BLESSED with another JOB...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

i am trusting in God!!!!

Wow, smfry! You have come so far! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great news! Good for you. I know this was something that was extremely difficult.

Now get busy looking for a better job, and WOW your husband.

By the way, have you sent a NC letter to OM?

I've written the NC letter(s) endless times but I wind up burning them. Too much feeling in them that don't belong there. No contact txts prior to changing the cell, do they count. I may have come far but I emotionally and psychologically have a ways to go. I'm hurting like ****** right now and I just want the hurt to go away. I realized I was just a toy, he'll move on to another. It's so messed up, I can easily make life so hellous for him. Talk to people, tell them the truth, exposure and I still have failed to do that. I just want this to peacefully go away. I'm paying a pretty high price my job, he walks free. I have to work the time of my notice, fortunately vacation covers most of it. I in the least should be able to have a good job reference since no longer have my job. It BUGS ME! Om is still on this trip of the EA, poor him, this is happening to poor him, I don't think he even has a clue as to what the magnitude of it all has become. An apology would be nice. I APOLOGIZED, what's wrong with me?
Venting, sorry. I'm walking away. I had a promising job interview soon after posting my post today. I decided to make a postitive out of all this negativity, the interview went well, I am praying. It is awful, I went in and handed this letter with intent to leave and there he was like a hawk, circling his kill. Something just doesn't tell me it is over. I have heard what you guys have said, honestly, the NC letter, exposure. I am taking steps here, one at a time. I'll get there. I want me back. H is getting over it. He was actually more concerned for my well being. I flipped out last night and told him I would drive my car square into a tree if he insisted I went back to work. Brought his attention and I've told him this again, several times. I've screwed up but he can't expect me to live in my mess. I told him after my time has officially passed I am going to sit down and tell him everything but not until my official last day. It still hurts....those drug cravings! I think I'd feel just a little better if my OM would act half as distraught and miserable as I am. But then again, I think I'm miserable for a totally different reason than he is.