I would like to give this to WH, it is at the end of a note talking about the kids and our communication issue.

How DJish is it? Do I still sound as ball busting?

I don't have an objective with this, well, I would like him to read this without getting mad at me or picking up a bad feeling.

Anybody?? I am trying to avoid my typical judgemental tone and trying to address some of his issues, letting him know that I do hear what he is saying.

Or are we just a lost cause? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Jean,

Give me a few mintues. I will respond.

Just wanted to let you know.
L.

[color:"blue"] Dear WS:

The rest is not kid related, not directly anyway, so you don’t have to read the rest (well, you didn’t have to read the previous, but I appreciate it). [/color]

Orchid's input: The above is too wordy. Cut it out. It weakens the rest of the letter.

[color:"blue"]The feeling that I get is that you are currently backed into a corner and I have probably put you there. [/color]

Orchid's input: Remove your blame. That's in the past. Just put what u r feeling.

[color:"blue"]I am sure that my reactions have been less than optimal, but the entire situation is one that I was ill prepared for. I have tried a period of respecting your boundaries and I didn’t contact you at all. [/color]

Orchid's input: Good

[color:"blue"]And yes, the situation was better in that you were bringing the kids to the house instead of to Grandmas. [/color]

Orchid's input: Small positive, ok.

[color:"blue"]But I don’t feel that there has been any effort to coparent at all, regardless of how I react or don’t react. Basically, you are mad at me whether I am initiating contact with you or not. I honestly don’t know how to remedy that. You say, “Stop pissing me off”, but I hope you can see that even when I leave you alone, you are still very angry.[/color]

Orchid's input: Change the "I don't feel" to 'it appears there has been no....'

[color:"blue"]

I feel that you are very angry that I am not making your affair as “comfortable” and “amicable” as mine was. I do understand the double standard that you see. I honestly do see the perceived injustice. I look at as if you were willing to enable my drug addiction so why am I not able to clean up your puke (figuratively speaking, of course). Honestly, because I loved you to much to make this easy for you. Like I told you in the beginning, I did not want you walking away thinking I was indifferent to your departure.[/color]

Orchid's input: Remove your references to your A. That's in the past. Mention the 'double standards' tell him he should have been this tough on you. Don't apologize.

[color:"blue"]

As far as the OW boundary goes, I have told my attorney that I will not contact her anymore. It is odd to me that she knows the most intimate details about my husband, but me knowing her address is frowned on.[/color]

Orchid's input: Remove the 2nd sentence and say your attorney has received your latest instructions but don't tell him what they are. RE: You may have reason to contac the OW in the future.

[color:"blue"]I hear what you are saying about the impression the children have of OW. I have not sang of the virtues of her as I do not know what they are. I do have trouble reconciling in my mind how they should respect someone that you and I would not want them to follow in her footsteps. I also know that that issue is yours to deal with in your home. I do not encourage the children at all in speaking badly of her. I have told them that I am sure she is nice or you would not have fallen in love with her.[/color]

Orchid's input: Remove the last 2 sentences. How he presents the OW is his issue. You don't have to explain your stance other than to let him know it is disrespectful to bring an OW around YOUR children.


Jean: Again, I do understand and I hear what you are saying about the double standard that exists. Rest assured that if FOM were to ever be in the children’s lives again, I would need him to apologize to the girls for his part in our marital demise. They are just older now and understand so much more. Having to admit to them what I had done was very difficult, but hopefully it taught them about the possibilities in forgiveness.

Orchid: Jean, don't apologize for your A. It is in the pats and he knows it. The WS in him wants you to relive your A pain so he can justify his. Don't fall for that trap.

Take the high road and if he accuses you of being there, don't deny it. Admit you have chosen to take the high road.....let him know you now know where the high road is, does he? Then walk away and let him ponder your toughts. That is the key, you want to leave him wondering so don't over explain yourself.

L.
As far as the marriage and divorce stuff goes, I do want you to know that I did and maybe still do love the man that I lived with. I have come to understand that you do not love me romantically and probably haven’t for a very long time, if ever. That became so clear after reading what you had written for former GF about the kind of man she made you want to be. I understand that I do not make you want to be that man, I am sorry for my part in that failure.

Thanks for your time,
BS [color:"blue"] [/color]

Thank you so much Orchid. I will rework the parts as you suggested.

(But I really like the part about OW knowing all about my husband and her having issue with her address being known. But that is just me being a smart a$$ isn't it-not helpful)

Remember, those are just MY ideas. Better one may come along. Keep an open mind. You will know when you are ready.

As for taking the above out......it is to keep your options open. You never know which way the A river will run. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.