Hi guys. This is my first time posting a message on this website. I guess I'm looking for support in dealing with my husband's "emotional affair". We have been married for 11 years, and have 2 beautiful children. Close to 2 years ago, he started acting depressed and withdrawn. I questioned him often about what was going on, and encouraged him to see a counselor and his doctor, but he refused, always saying that he was just "in a rut" and that he didn't know what was wrong, just that he wasn't happy. I suspected that he was involved in an affair, but he always denied it. Things came to a head in 7-05 when I couldn't take his being "in a rut" any longer, and I made an appt. with a counselor and told him if he wanted to save our marriage, he would go with me. After a few appointments, he admitted to me one evening that he'd had a relationship with a coworker, but that it was only emotional, not sexual, and the farthest they had gone was a shared kiss. To complicate matters, my husband and I work at the same business, which is rather large, and we work in different departments, but I still have to see her. This is very difficult as she is extremely arrogant, and although my husband followed the advice of our counselor and told her that he had made a huge mistake and that he was in love with his wife and that there would never have been a future with them. My husband also says that she appoligized to him for her part in their betrayal. Although I have held off from confronting her, I'm not sure how much longer I can avoid doing so. She has had ample opportunity to appoligize to me, but instead, every time I see her, she has this "Ha-Ha" look on her face. This drives me nuts! After my husband admitted to his relationship with her, I told him he would have to seek employment elsewhere, because I couldn't deal with the fact that they still saw each other on a daily basis. He told me that if I forced him to leave his current job that he would resent me forever, so I backed off. AS if all this weren't enough, he was also accused of having an affair with a second coworker. He says this is a malicious accusation and that there is no basis to it. I don't know this other woman as we work different hours. I told my husband he would have to immediately cease all contact with this other woman, but he told me that other than the fact that he could see how much his contact with her hurt me, there wasn't any harm in it. Finally, in the last few weeks, I feel he is finally recognizing these relationships as the betrayals that they are to our marriage, and he is looking for another job. The trouble is, almost all the jobs in his field require much travel. What do I do? The thought of his being gone for several days at a time are frightening, but could it actually be worse than it is now? If anyone has any advice for me, I would certainly appreciate it. I love my husband and our family with all my heart and desperately want a happy marriage again.

Ouch! You have a tough situation. The love / work mix is difficult because it entangles your means of financial support with issues of the heart. I don't know anything about anything, but I am guessing you and your husband need a change of scenery. Sorry, I don't have much more for you than empathy.

Hey Ivy - that is a tough situation. No Contact (NC) is very important when recovering from an A. At least your H is trying. Maybe with time, the right opportunity will present itself.

There are people here who have moved towns or states to enforce NC. It is a decision that you and your H will have to reach with mutual enthusiasm - one that makes sense for your situation.

Read the articles on the site about meeting each other's needs. Continue to post your questions here. You'll get lots of advice and support.

OK Guys--My husband told me last night that the OW he has been accused of having an A with is actually having an A with another married coworker of theirs. This other coworker has a young child and has now separated from his wife. I'm not sure the wife knows about the A. I have pointed out to my husband the poor moral conduct of both of his coworkers, and told him that I don't understand how this OW can live with her part in devastating a marriage and family. He says the OW is "struggling with it". My fear is that since my husband and this OW apparently have such intimate conversations regarding each other's lives, that when her A ends with this other married man, she will want to fall back on my husband. I would like to confront her before this happens and let her know that I know what she is doing, and that I would like her to avoid all contact with my husband. He thinks this is just my need to "lash out" to make myself feel better. I think that since she and my husband have already been accused of having an A, that confronting her now could put her on notice that when her A with this other man ends, she shouldn't start looking at my husband. I am so confused. I feel that she is a serious threat to my marriage and that the only control I have over this situation is to make her aware that I know of her situation and want her to know that MY husband is off limits. I am grateful for any advice. Ivy.

I wouldn't do it, Ivy. She would likely see it as a challenge and switch gears right away to go after your H, if she's not already after him. If your H is already having intimate conversations with her, he is already in an emotional affair with her.

Your H needs to learn appropriate boundaries with other women.

Oh, and despite the fact that the other co-worker is separated from his wife, how do you know that he is the one having an affair with her? Because your H told you so? Well, she may be having an affair with the co-worker, but your H may have told you that to get you to back off from your suspicions.

Anyway, study the concepts here, and learn how to Plan A. In the meantime, it would be a good idea to keep an eye on your H's cellphone, the cellphone bills, and put a digital voice-activated recorder in his truck so you can find out the truth.

I'm sorry if I am to blunt.

Are you sure she is having an affair with another co-worker?
Can you confirm that by yourself?

Your husband really needs to NC, and prove it to you.

Maybe you need to expose her affairs in the company? It would probably keep her away form your husband and other married man?