Ok, the OW in question is the one who still works at my H's work. He has NC, (of course) but now I see that she has her claws in someone else's husband. They spend every lunch together (1 on 1)they leave in either her car or his, they walk in together every morning, they leave together every afternoon...I KNOW this guy is married, however, I don't even know his last name, let alone how to get in touch with his wife...this is like tug-of-war for me. Part of me sees that someone else's marriage may fall victim to this cheap skank, and I should do whatever I have to do to warn his wife. The selfish part of me, though, sees that the cheap skank is busy trying to destroy someone else's life, which keeps her OUT OF MINE.
I am absolutely positive of the inappropriateness of this relationship, but I also fear that I am too late, as they seem to spend an awful lot of time together. I'm afraid he's already left his wife for her, but I can't be sure.
What would YOU do? Somebody, please tell me.

I would get my husband out a job that keeps he and other woman in contact--even in sight contact. That would eat me alive and totally hinder my recovery. I think if you are ion recovery, you need to get away from OW, too, as well as your H.

If you want to tell OM's wife, then anonymously might work for you if you want to stay out of it for the sake of her breaking no contact out of spite or anger. I would want to know if my H was in an affair.

You can send a note to HR @ their work. Let them know this OW has a track record known to people inside and outside their company. Then let them do their stuff.

L.

Actually, they know of her track record. I exposed on DDay, in front of his whole shop. He lost out on a promotion because of his indiscretion with this female. The bosses know ALL ABOUT IT...however, I'm not sure if they know about her NEW prey. Her new MM is just a grunt. Probably nobody they would fret enough over to get rid of anyone. I sure wish my H would cooperate with me and get her last name and his for me...He won't, though. (for obviously redundant reasons)
I don't have any other ideas about how to get a hold of his wife. I guess I could follow him sometime...I'd probably just end up following him to OW's house...right? He knows who I am, and he knows the story, so I would think he'd NEVER let me follow him to his house. He knows I'm just dying to tell on him...
Gosh, that skank should wear a sign that says:"WARNING/DANGER!!" "I WRECK HOMES"
I'll tell ya, she's got a lot of nerve, seein' as how she only stands about 4'9". I would say she's lucky to be alive given her TRACK RECORD. They call her "BLOW-JOB-GIRL" at my H's work...

I'd do as Orchid suggested and go to HR.

The OW, my husband and I all worked at the same place, except in different departments. EVERYONE knew what was going on, except me. The OW was also sleeping with other men in the company. However, this time, my husband was the last to know about that one. The OW in our situation is similar to yours. As soon as she's done with one guy and gets what she wants from him, she moves on. I wouldn't be surprised to see a "Take a number" machine sticking out of her rear end.

The point that I'm getting at is that it may seem like you're meddling in someone else's business, but you could actually be saving someone's health (from an STD) or their marriage. I wouldn't expose her out of spite, but treat it as a public safety warning. How many lives is she going to destroy before someone stops her?

Before I became the BS, I would have said "It's their business, stay out of it." However, after going through the embarassment of "being the last to know", I vowed that if I could help someone deal with being betrayed, even if it meant a subtle suggestion to investigate their spouse's activities, then so be it.

Go to HR, as high up in the company as you can, not just the local shop. Is this a chain store?

They may know of previous liasons but what about the current one. Just give them the info and the above nick name, then leave it be.

L.

Well, Monica...with all due respect girl, you are looking and spending too much time FOCUSING ON THE WRONG HUSBAND here. Your own house needs far too much work for you too be using even an ounce of energy on this one.

Please RE-XAMINE your motives here.

And for the record, I am in total agreement about the need for people to know about affairs and STD's etc...but I don't think your motives here have ANYTHING whatsoever to do with that.

Just my hunch..I have been wrong before.

Seek out HR again and kindly tell them that her actions and her devious skanky behavior equals out to a sexual harrassment suit, who knows what she can cook up if things with this MM goes south.

Sorry hit the enter key.....I heard of such cases where the affair turned sour and a lawsuit was filed by the woman haveing the affair with the MM, and knowing that upper managemebt knen of it and did nothing at the time, not sure if she won or not or got a settlement.

I sort of agree with Lemonman, you probably should focus on your marriage......but I see where you're coming from, wishing someone would've done the same for you.

I think I'd leave it alone, if I were you.

God Bless,

-Caren

To answer orchid's question, this is a factory. A big woodshop. And, if my memory serves me well, it seems that my H's involvement with her started because she whined to him about being "sexually harassed" by her lesbian supervisor. Her accusations were brought to the attention of the vice president, and nobody was fired or sued but my H lost out on a promotion. Something about him not being management material because of his failure to relate to those under him on a non-personal basis.hmmm hmm (clearing throat)
I'm not confident they'd do anything about this current thing. They're both on the bottom of the totem pole at this factory, and HR knows that they're both real cheap labor.

Oh yeah, and my H would be really angry with me if I DID do anything...e.g. he wasn't betrayed so he doesn't understand why it's any of our business. So, wouldn't it be an LB for me to do it anyway?

What about her supervisor? I mean to have that reputation in the company bespeaks volumes.

Expose where you can. For that matter all the wives s/b on the look out for this sleeze.

Btw, the company would risk a trouble maker like her on their budget? Doesn't seem like a way to spend their $$$. See WS' don't make good employees and OWs don't either. So from a business perspective why should they look the other way? Try that angle.

L.

I agree with Lemonman...leave it alone! Simply focus on your own situation

Not me. I go to HR, and hope like he11 she gets canned. Two birds with one stone.

Hello. I just thought I would weigh in on this one. First off, let me say that that is a lovely nickname this gal has: Blow-Job-Girl. Geeze, we should all aspire to have a reputation like that. What a magnificent claim to fame!

Anyway, I think you've been given some good advice here, especially about spending your energy on the WRONG husband. I think that is good advice, BUT I totally understand your pre-occupation with shedding some light onto this skank. I guess I understand because I can be a real anal-retentive ****** sometimes. O.K. that being said, here is what I really want to say.

Just because you expose this thing doesn't mean that it will have the desired effect. I think what you want here is for the current married man to realize the error of his ways, rekindle his romance with his wife, the two of them live happily ever after, and the skank goes and hides under a rock for the next 20 or 30 years. Something like that.

But, it is anyone's guess as to how this thing might actually play out. You can't teach a person a lesson if they aren't receptive to the learning. So, all I am saying is don't be too sure of your actions when they will affect some other poor fool. If he isn't ready to see that what he is doing is wrong, your calling attention to it isn't going to bring him out of the fog. That's a lesson that he'll have to learn on his own.

I hope that made some sense. Thanks for listening. I hope your situation with your husband is improving.

-Chris

Thanks Chris.
The way I imagined the scenario playing goes like this; I find his wife and let her know that the blonde her H is hanging out with is bad news. Simply inform her of the day I caught her with MY H, and nearly had to re-arrange her face. She would then be free to do whatever she wishes with that info.

problem is, I don't know how to get in touch with her...and my H will be upset with me if I do.

I think perhaps I should leave it alone, focus on MY marriage, and just accept that thier relationship has probably gone so far that he's already left his wife, if not...my goodness, she HAS to know by now. it's SO obvious.

BY the way, just because I offered an opinion that was in contrast to what you are thinking about doing...does not mean that I don't get your anger or your frustrations with this. I hear you dead on.

Your angry and want to make her "pay"....after all, you can't make your WH pay. It is understandable, but as someone else stated above.....things don't always necessarily work out the way we intend, so we are best worrying about those things THAT we CAN control. Your marriage and your issues are far more paramount than going to HR or setting off a fire that you can get burned in.

Just my humble thoughts. Take em or leave em.

L

Thanks, Lem.
I know you get it. I've read your posts, and your story. But, you are right in that it's too early to give any of my energy to this. MY marriage still needs so much more time and energy. It's only been a few months. I can't risk the recovery we've made thus far.

My heart still hurts for his wife, though.

I just can't understand why all this cheating takes place at these jobs and the supervisors know all about it. That's where my H A started. Sounds like every company has a 'BLOW JOB GIRL' Even though the OW is not at the company any more, I still notified HR, just in case she wanted to come back to work there. She has wrecked many marriages out there, but the funny part, not her own. She is still married to the same guy, I guess he really likes what she does. I was told by HR that if she was to be hired back, she would be put far away from my H and I would be notified that she was there. My deceased husband used to work there also, they all know what i've been through in life.

Well, they say that the workplace is a haven for people like her.
I am now trying not to pay any attention to her and her new conquest. I don't think I'm in a place to do anything about it...it will only cause friction between my H and myself. So, I just try not to look anymore.

Even though, I have a fantasy about spray-painting these words down both sides of her car: RENT ME- I'M CHEAP!

I think your thoughts to let it go and to focus on your own M is best