My problems with my husband:
1. He won't get out of bed (has been late to work EVERY day during our 7 year marriage, sleeps til 5-6pm on weekends)
2. He gets mad at me for his own actions (yells at me for letting him sleep too late, yells at me while I am trying to wake him up, which drags on for hours and hours, yells at me because he's too hungry which makes him grouchy but he won't eat the lunches I pack him because he's too busy)
3. He hates being around other people so insists we live on large acerage (5 or more), which we can't afford (with us both working) so we have to borrow money every month from my parents, and go long periods of time without buying groceries.
4. Not only can we not afford living on large acerage, but I think it's detrimental to our 6 year old son, who is high functioning autistic and has no friends at school(he's socially & speech delayed but very smart in reading, music & math).

I am so worn out from his constantly getting mad at me and yelling at me, and from the financial stress caused by our living situation. I am so concerned for my son, who I think would be best served by us living in a neighborhood with other kids and me being a stay-at-home mom so I could have more time to meet his needs.

When I talk to my husband about these things, he either says a) he doesn't want to talk about it or b)he needs to change, but this has been 7 years now and it's stayed the same. As far as moving to a cheaper house in a neighborhood, he won't even consider it.

I'm at my wits end and frankly I feel suicidal constatnly now because I feel there is no way to improve the situation. I don't see how divorce would benefit my son, but I want to threaten it because I'm desperate to try to force my husband to change.

wvally,

I understand your frustration. I don't think I would threaten divorce until/unless you are ready to back it up. A couple of thoughts struck me as I read your post.What is with his inability to get out of bed? Is it possible that he is clinically depressed? If he hasn't done so, he really needs to see a Dr for an evaluation.

I suppose that getting him to the Dr won't he easy either - he'll resist that idea - but at least you can plant the suggestion.

What might be helpful at this time is a separation. It might be one way to bonk him over the head and get his attention. He probably doesn't even realize just how fed up you are with the situation. Let him deal with the consequences of his irresposible behavior. He can't blame you for not waking him if you're not there. He'll need to set an alarm clock. He'll be responsible for getting himself to work on time. He'll also need to start fixing his own lunch.

It will enable you to focus on yourself and your son for now. A seperation doesn't have to lead to divorce but sometimes I think it can help get the attention of the other spouse and give them a chance to change things before it's too late.

There have been people who threatened it, only to have their spouse say, "OK".

Controlled/contracted separation might be a better way to go, as mentioned above.

Take your son and stay with family or friends in town, until your husband realizes counseling is necessary, or until you have some money set aside to rent an apartment.

I don't like this way he insists on isolating you. That just isn't healthy.