Little background: When we married WH had 2 boys (10 & 6)that lived w/his remarried XW in another state, and I had DD (7). Oldest SS later came to live with us. WH insisted on adopting DD, but it was going to be a long and costly process since I didn't know how to contact biological father who was never on birth certificate. WH pressured me into putting him on birth certificate as the biological father to get her name changed and avoid the hassle (slightly illegal). When DD was a Freshman, she asked to go to public school but WH insisted that she go to the private school where he worked. She is now a Jr. There is also currently an unsettled wrongful death lawsuit on WH's father and WH could potentially get major $$$$.

Settlement offer: I bent over backwards for the most part. WH was FURIOUS over three things, all related to DD. I ask that he pay for DD's health insurance and private school tuition for next year so that DD can graduate w/friends, and I asked that if he received anything from the lawsuit a trust be set up for all 3 kids college. He obviously has a problem with anything related to DD. He insists that she is in no way his daughter. (He forced DD to call him dad for almost 10 years.) He said he had to go over SIL's and I pointed out that I heard her voice in the background.

After I got off the phone with him screaming at me, I called him back. I suggested that I take out everything related to DD except for tuition & insurance through the end of this school year (deducted from his pay) and suggested that he compromise by giving me a cash payout (about $ of next year's tuition). He screamed some more and then hung up.

When I called back, SIL answered, refused to let me talk to WH, and tried to tell me I needed mental help because I was concerned about SS's who are "not my children". (Even SS's have told me that they love me and that I am the only one in their life that has ever cared enough to disapline them.) I was staying calm until that point when I let an ugly comment slip out and she hung up on me. (Question regarding whether SIL holds WH's privates while he is having SF with OW who is SIL's best friend. I know....bad, bad!)

UGG! This D could go on forever!!! I need this D over. I'm torn between trying to get what DD deserves and running for my life, or should I say "a" life.

It is nice for WH to be screaming at, rather than ignoring, me for a change. When he ignores, it is easy to imagine there is still some good in him. It was obvious that the man I talked to today cares nothing about me and DD. I don't even think he cares about SS's other than using them as pawns. I miss the sweet teddy bear I married, but I want nothing to do with this sorry excuse for a man.

Let the lawyers work it out. It sounds like he did himself in when he acted as DD's father. I know it's a long shot but on those bad court shows, if a person has been acting as a parent, supporting a child, even if it is not biologically theirs, the courts have awarded child support, etc. (could be a state thing).

Don't allow him to scare or bully you. Stand your ground.
Another avenue. Have you talked to the school administration about it. If she's attended this school, and has only one year left, and they find that he refuses to pay, the school might give her a scholarship to complete her education there.

That's what my lawyer said. Especially since WH signed documents to put his name on birth certificate. I was just so hoping to get this over with and it looks like it's going to drag out. MIL is paying WH's legal costs so he doesn't care how much is spent in legal bills.

I'm waiting to see what happens in the D. I suspect that I am just above the cutoff for getting financial aide. Also, DD is an athlete and the private school association that our school is in has been coming down hard on schools that scholarship athletes.

I'm not scared of WH. I think I was actually calm and nice while talking to him. SIL scares me. I received several calls from her harrassing me on Sat. She was telling me I'm mentally sick in a "sweet" condesending voice until I used the same tone with her. I probably messed up by saying some things that really made her mad, especially when she realized that her intimidation wasn't working. The next few calls from her (I hung up) started out with psycotic hysterical ranting.

I guess what really bothers me is how angry I am. Angry that I've been treated so badly. Angry that I let it go on for so long. Angry that I still want to fix things that I can't fix.

I've always been the person to find some good in everyone. I don't wish bad things on even people I don't like. However, I would really like to see WH and his family suffer. Nothing life threatening. That would be too kind. Maybe bind WH, pour honey all over him, and then dump a mound of fire ants on his privates while I watch him beg me for mercy. I know that God will punish them in his own way. It really bothers me that I want to see his suffering. I don't like thinking bad thoughts about anyone. I need this D over so that I can get away from these people.

WH is a passive aggressive manipulator. It was out of character for him to be yelling at me. SIL is dangerous and I keep making the mistake of making her mad. Even MC said that SIL sounded like a narcicist based on WH's comments. I'm not sure if SIL is controling WH or WH is stirring up SIL and using her to do his dirty work, not that it matters.

The anger is all part of the grieving process. You can say this stuff here, and know that eventually you will grow beyond it. During negotiations, emotions run high. Just keep them here,rather than toward them.

You will get over this. We all did.

An old "friend" that has been talking to WH but I haven't heard from in years just emailed me. WH is using the same lawyer this guy used a couple of years ago.

After last weekend, we were both threatening restraining orders and our lawyers told us to only communicate thru them. (I'm glad I called my lawyer when SIL was calling and harassing me because WH told his lawyer something totally different.)

Well, this guy just happens to email me (wonder where he got my email) and mentions about getting tax advise. Maybe I'm parinoid, but his wording seemed almost leading me to say something ugly about WH and the D. He also asked about DD since he used to coach her in cross country.

I bragged only a little about DD and gave him a friendly professional reply that I was extending everything currently coming in and said I'd be available to discuss his taxes after April 17. I didn't mention one word about D or WH.

I really don't believe his email had anything to do with his taxes. This guy is lonly and D, so he could be trying to flirt. More likely, WH is trying to get me to say something that will hurt me in the D.

I'm so sick of mind games. Nobody ever taught me the rules so I get frustrated when others are playing.

Well, you are learning the rules. Respond, don't react.
Stay strong and detached. You will get through this.

I have had FOUR settlements offers rejected. mstbx is dragging it on like you wouldn't believe. Let the lawyers do what they do. i have quit getting hacked off about it. we will be divorced sooner rather than later. the deal is will eithe rone us have a dime when we are finished? i would rather be broke and starting over knowing my daughter doesn't have to see her parents hate each other. my conscience is clear on getting divorced. it blows having it drag out. but you have to let your lawyer earn his money and live your life. i know it's easier said than done but when i walked out of my temp hearing in march with my visitation almost exactly as a i wanted i didn't care anymore.