Maya, I have the feeling that you don't appreciate that I cannot or will not forgive and forget Miss Mia's indescretions with my H. Why do you give me that impression? It's almost like you feel she is the one who should be forgiven just because she appologized to me and has broken things off with my H. (well at least that's what she claims) I personally see no reason to give her any attention when clearly I am the injured party here. Mia got attention, affection, emotional involvment from my H instead of me. I am extremely jealous of this person. Too bad I just can't say "poof" and make her disappear. God, do I sound pathetic and depressed or what? The saddest thing is that my H is clearly pinning away for his loss of this woman and doesn't want anything to do with me. What a wonderful place to be, huh?

I wish I was in that “wonderful place” right about now.<P>It hurts & it sucks. But he isn’t with her. He’s with you. It’s gonna take time for him & it’s gonna take time for you. Be there for each other & it will lessen the blow.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Oh TL,<P>I hope your H figures out that you are a wonderful woman who is trying to find forgiveness and strength to fight for her marriage.<P>I think Mia made a huge, HUGE mistake coming here - I've told you that. I thought it was a huge invasion of your privacy, and I can't remember how she even got here in the first place (did your H tell her?) And if Maya doesn't agree, it's okay, isn't it? <P>You are having trouble forgiving? Who doesn't? Don't be so hard on yourself. It's been 12 yrs. since my H cheated and I sometimes STILL feel hurt. I know what I'm in for with my H re: my cheating now, and it scares me. Will he take 12 yrs. to truly forgive me, I wonder. But things change, and they can change very, very fast. The last three months of my marriage has been a series of ups and downs. Moving out, moving back in, loving the OM (blech, sheesh... so embarrassing) and finally, FINALLY falling in love with my beautiful H again. Tonight he came in early from work (he works nights) and he walked up to me and kissed my head. He hasn't done that for YEARS, it seems like. I am thankful for the little things.<P>Please don't give up, and please don't worry so much about what others think. If I listened to those who are still hurting so badly from their betrayals, I would believe that I don't deserve to be happy with my H. I would believe that I deserve to lose my job, and dare I say my life, or at least wear that scarlet S for the rest of my life. <P>One final note to all: so many of you are good and forgiving, so much so that you can accept me into the fold although I am a betrayer, and for that I am most grateful.<P>TL, hold your head up high. You deserve it <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Chris,<P>I was being sarcastic. It's not a "wonderful" place to be. H is acting the way he is because Mia has told him she won't have anything to do with him anymore until he resolves his situation with his "home" life. At least that's what he's telling me. I don't know what the truth is anymore. How do you trust what either one of these honorable people are telling me? I believe he wants a divorce and is just waiting for me to be the initiator. Maybe. Heck, I don't know what I'm even thinking anymore. A life transplant for this past year would be nice.

Thanks NB - but I need to remind everyone and be honest here. I was not a good wife at all. I ran up all sorts of charge accounts (geez to the tune of $30K) while my H was busting his butt at work. He never knew. He was the one trying for years to "fix" things in our marriage. I was the one who didn't think there was anything wrong. So where did this lead? It took him right to Mia. And now, even knowing that so much of our problems are my fault, I'm still blaming everything on him. I mean everything! And I'm not very nice about it either. I look at my H and feel nothing but anger for what he did.

TL,<P>I know you were being sarcastic. I don’t even know what state (well, maybe her mental state ) my Wife is in, so to have her around would be would be blisscompared to what I’m feeling right now!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

TL, <P>Look, so what if you ran up the bills, that doesn't give him a reason to fall in "love" with someone else. From the other side, I could give you a zillion reasons why I was unhappy and fell in "love" with the OM. The reasons all suck. They're embarrassing stupid and I can't believe that I fell back on them as an excuse. You feel anger because he betrayed you, no matter WHAT you did first. Please, please remember that. I hate to say this, but that whole thing with Mia pissed me off for you. And some would say I should've been on "her side" since she was trying to apologize. I never chimed in on her thread because it upset me for you. Infidelity is ALWAYS wrong, and you have a right to be angry. Just don't let it eat you up. FOR YOU, not for your H, for YOU. I respect what you've always written, and I am very sorry for your pain...<P><BR> Take Care<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Moved response to your "Filing for Separation" Thread.<P>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited October 01, 1999).]<P>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited October 01, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Enlightened (edited October 01, 1999).]

I'm sorry, TL. I shouldn't have gotten involved in your threads. Please forgive me.

TL-you don't really seem to be blaming him as much anymore when you stated <BR>. "I was not a good wife at all. I ran up all sorts of charge accounts (geez to the tune of $30K) while my H was busting his butt at work. He never knew. He was the one trying for years to "fix" things in our marriage."<BR>It seems to me you are acknowledging in part that you have a problem in your marriage and that you need to deal with it. So maybe you do realize there is the basis of him going to Mia-but Mia had NO RIGHT to intrude on your privacy and to post something here for you. I think all this is confusing, and the hard part is that you feel as though he didn't choose to stay with you, someone else made that choice for him. But God works in mysterious ways and maybe it's time to not think about why he wandered or why he stayed but where do you go from here. Do you really want to let this break up your marriage or do you want to commite yourself to your vows? And when you make up the decision to stick by it the hard part will be committing yourself to your decision. But do that, remember, you are a good person and you both had something special for years and that something is probably still there, otherwise he would have just left and not stayed weather or not Mia told him to or not. God Bless.<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>