Don't do anything... Breath.

Read our lasts responses to you, think what things of what has been said you can apply right now.

I'll write more in a little while.

((( Tear )))

I'm sorry you had such a hard weekend.

I found very useful LovingAnyway insights about personal responsability and personal recovery because I feel she has strugled really hard to overcome several situations. I think she has a very practical, yet deep way to analyze the way conversations go between a couple and has very clear comments about how to improve the way conversations go.

Tear, I feel you are in pain and some of this pain comes from feeling guilty and ashamed. Once I read a very enlightment threat by LovingAnyway about the way guilty and shame affect our responses and actions. Mayebe LA would like to talk about it if you are interested.

I'll try to break in small paragraphs what I see in your situation.

Before you can control you anger and your impulsive actions you have to understand where do they come from and how they affect your H and D.

It's hard to understand and internalyze that men don't react well to over emotional reactions and conversations. They feel impotent in front of long emotional tirades of recriminations and acusations and they tend to close themselves to what is been said. I understand that it offends you that he calls you crazy but think for a moment the image you are projectiong to be called that way.

I have the impression that you situation has solution but that it would require time from your side.

Believe me when I say that long draining converstations won't solve your problems right now. Avoid relationship conversations with your H. First you have to learn to talk to him in a different way. If you keep trying to talk to him the way you have been doing it so far, your relationship will keep worsening.

If he wants to talk about it or he recriminates you, try to validate his feelings, here would come in place LA comunications methods. If he says you have humiliated him, ask him to clarify, repeat what he says, understand his feelings and his position. Don't defend yourself.

You are still under the emotional impact of the discovery of the EA, you can't work on the other problems in your relationship right now. First your husband has to want to stay in the marriage and he has to grieve the pain of your affair.

Stop talking about separation and divorce. Take one day at a time, one step at a time. Everytime you go out of your house in an anger impulse you damage the trust your husband could have on you and on your desire of continuing the marriage.

I feel a lot of resentment on your side about everything you think you husband hasn't done in the marriage. I have not experience with that but I think you can't work on that at this moment on your relationship, you have to build trust in you, trust that you are not going to have another affair, trust that you can understand his feelings, trust that you want to remain married.

So, when you go back to your home, avoid relationship talks. Take some days to reflect about how you can improve your reactions. Remmember that a needy, crying, nagging wife is not attractive. Take control of your emotions before attempting anything else.

I hope you have a smooth week.

thank you larousse
You are absolute right!...

Im the one with problems, I need to forgive myself, and know me enough to avoid my bad behaviour..

I need professional help, but I dont know how I can schedule it because Im so buzy and I need to spend time with my family... but I need to do something..

And yes first is to think and no react...

Yesterday I hug my H and said him Im realy sorry, I just was frustrated, and angry, I need to be a better person in order to deal with my anger, and never never, do same thing again...

At the beginning my H refuses my arms, I realized how damage I cause him because my inmature behaviour... I realized so many things.... and I insist, in a good manner and finaly he responsed to my hug both cried together,,, it last just few minutes but that hug means too much for me
He said with tears in his eyes, that he loves me... (sometimes I think he doesnt love me, but this is my problem)

you lines "Remmember that a needy, crying, nagging wife is not attractive", gives me something to think, I havent been a good wife... and even my H is cold right, he has the reason to be this way.. and I think I can ask for something that I havent done first.

I need to do something with the thing that I just can write in this site from my office.. I need too much work to do and I need to express my feelings, here... I want to share my case and I like to share it because this can be useful for someone... Feeling that we are not alone is a good beginning.

Thanks for all that have use their time to post and suggest me somethings and shared their feelings.