love the snorting laughter - ah ha ha ha ha.....AND classy modern chick lit - even a little brass is ok by me.

i guess i am disappointed that i had to respond to her dance - that this is the dance she chose - and now i have to make choices too.

yes you are right - i have come from a place with a deep belief that in a releationship - it is reciprocle...that i do for her - she does for me. I am learning this is not so...that i can do - or choose not to do...and it is all mine to decide.

I often choose to do for her - even now - when there is no reason to do it except that I care about her - i.e. make her a plate of dinner when she works late, continue to drive her in to work, continue to live through this.
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ABSOLUTELY - but i am learning differently. it is funny because if i saw someone on the street who needed my help - i would do so with no expectations - just because it is the right thing to do - but in love and marriage - my brain is wired differently. I think eventually - you have to get something back right?

yes these are her choices - and i do believe these are her choices - independent of me... still sucks though eh?

i know as human beings - even AND (especially) within a marriage - we will find people attractive - intriguing - and think of possibilities - BUT you always have to have your guard up ... because in an instant the lines can be crossed...and then it is difficult to reel yourself back in. So I have kept myself in check - through the good and bad times. somehow she choose to let her guard down...

i feel like we (D & I) weren't important enough for her to defend those lines fiercely (this is the word she has always used when telling me about her care for her family and about her love for us.) There is nothing fierce about it right now - except for the fierce neglect.

tonight she called and left me several messages...about her day - how hard it was...when she didn't get me at the office she called my cell...etc. she said all she had to say - there was no need for a response from me - so i didn't call her back. I don't know if this was the right thing to do...but I feel like i need my armor - need to be not so accessible....because i have jumped for her and been overly accessible. So she talked on my vm for about 10min - let me know she was going to be late - had a ride home...everyone was staying - hope my day was well - hoped we were ok ...told me about her cramps - about the pressure - (i mean she really goes on) i can only guess that she wants me to know her life still - but from an arms length. so i choose to keep my safe distance.

..because i have jumped for her and been overly accessible.

exactly...

Leaning too far towards her throws you both off balance. Lean a bit away, and she'll begin to lean back towards you. One of the main points of one of my last posts to you.

All this, coupled with patience and quiet, confident resolve, and sticking to your boundaries, spell progress.

Remember, progress is measured by MONTHS, not weeks or days.

Best wishes,
SD

thanks SD - I do hear (see) and try really hard to do. Intuition tells you to do one thing (the completely wrong thing) and it is tough. But i am definitely making progress.

i guess leaning away is working. I could use some thoughts on this...

this morning she asked me what my D and i were doing on mothers day - i asked her why - she said maybe we could all go to brunch together...i nodded - a little stand offish.

then she asked if i had any plans for friday night...and if not...we could go to dinner after work...

do i go to both of these events? how do i handle mothers day with a mother who has been non existant?

she is noticing mypulling away from her...this is obvious...she said in her message that she wanted to talk to me for a few minutes and i didn't respond. how far back do i lean?

another weekend is here - and i am feeling sick - i am exhausted and need some answers...why can't she give me a simple answer?

Mothers Day Card, and gift from your child, not from "you".

Dearest ________

This is to wish you a very happy Mother's Day, from one who cherishes your very existance. Although I'm very concerned about this distance that's come between us these past few months, I am cerain that I am committed to do whatever it takes to see that our marriage has a chance to blossom, as you have as a mother.

Your committed and loving H....

cl

???

Just an idea... and yes, go out w/WW tonight, and make Sunday Brunch something special....bring along your wedding pics, and pictures of your child at various stages, and make it a fun time, w/no pressure or R talks.

JMHO,
SD

hey thanks SD - i am always great until friday strikes.

CL,

Just read through all 20 pages of your thread. UUFDAAHH!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

By doing that I really saw your inner strength and the peace inside you grow.

I kept waiting for the shoe to drop on the A but nothing....yet? So what about the 2:30 AM texting? And he picks her up?? (did I miss a page?)

""what my D and i were doing on mothers day - i asked her why - she said maybe we could all go to brunch together...i nodded - a little stand offish.

then she asked if i had any plans for friday night...and if not...we could go to dinner after work.""

CL: ""Why would we consider doing that??? We are not in a relationship...CORRECT??""

To stay in her bedroom for all that time, then go out, and then get up the next morning like nothing happened....it's like watching a Hitchcock movie.

Do you feel like your living with a ticking time bomb??

Did you ever expose to the OM's W about the texting? And then he came by and picked her up on the weekend??
(I must of missed something)

Stay strong and true to yourself and your sweet little daughter.

k

Hey K - thanks for your interest...YES IT IS EXACTLY LIKE LIVING IN A HITCHCOCK MOVIE!!!! Wow - i feel like she is a little scary...and i don't know what her next move will be.

we did go out to dinner tonight...i thought it went fairly well...then i dropped her off at the store to pick some stuff up. i just checked phone records and she was on the phone while in the store. Then texting when we got home...THIS CHICK HAS NO SHAME!

I think i am going to go see my mom on M-day...with my daughter and screw this woman...she has no respect or care for me what so ever.

Thinking of you...

LA