i am really glad i found this site, i really need people who help me calm down lots of times, so i dont do anything stupid.

Seems he might not be coming by today, as my son told me we had already gone to fahaheel yesterday. And WH was going to give him a ride there. I am afraid after the talks the last couple days that he might just get me a plane ticket tomorrow without talking to me anymore about anything, as i was kind of pushing in that direction very heavily the past days. Should i send him a message on his cell phone asking for a request... i mean that i stay here for a while, while i am on medication, and that we can see if that would work... and that we can see then what will happen to our marriage. Please somebody give me some input... i dont want to do anything wrong again... the OW often checks the messages that i write (she is very jealous) and he dont want her to see any of the stuff that goes on between us. Guess cause it causes friction between them. How do i phrase this so it doesnt come across wrong... i dont want him to feel bad or pressured... how do i do that?

My idea would be to tell your WH that you want to stay for your children (I am assuming he is only offering to send you away and keep the kids in Kuwait). No more talk of saving the marriage. Just convince him your children need you and you need to get medication to help deal with the stress.

well.. he wanted to get me help here in kuwait, but then my mom talked to me... i was an emotional wreck with her on the phone and she said you need to come here asap, then she emailed WH and told him he needs to send me her way asap.

He then called me and asked what was going on, i told him, and then i guess we kinda decided that it would be best if i get treatment back home... dont remember much of the phone call.. i hardly ever remember anything a few minutes later.. my brain is like scrambled eggs.

Guess i could try to voice that message very careful and as short as possible. I am just so not good at keeping things short. Will try to write something like:

I want to stay here and go to a doctor to get some medication tomorrow if thats still ok with you, i want to try it without a hospital stay first.

should be ok, i hope... dont think i can mess anymore up than i already have...

Keep the message simple.

Do your best to keep your family out of this until you really need them.

I am still worried about you. You sound close to nervous breakdown if not already there. Tell your husband you need help. Some of the medication you need may be controlled and not available except through certain government hospitals. The doctor will know that.

yes, i will try to keep everyone out of it until i really do need them.

i know i am in very bad shape... i had a very very bad breakdown in front of my husband the last time he was here.

We talked on the phone twice, and i tried hard each time not to cry... but it didnt go too well.

Can civilians go to these government hospitals? Or are they only for the military?

Government hospitals are for Kuwaitis but may also be for residents. Definitely NOT for the military. I don't know the situation in Kuwait but when you mentioned that your husband said you would go to the doctor after you got your ID, it gave me the idea that residents may be covered by a type of national insurance. I used to live in the UAE and, as a resident, I could go to any government hospital and I got treatment for free. My DD2 was born by C-section in a government hospital. WW had all the prenatal care done there. Months and months of tests, ultrasound, operating room for delivery, 1 week of hospital care, all medicines, etc. I think I may have paid a grand total of $20 USD.

Kuwait is highly subsidized so health care may be free for residents. I don't know for sure but I will try to find out for you.

well got a hold of my brother-in-law.. i didnt really tell him anything, but he did say that noone knows where my MIL is at, she has been having a gambling problem for a very long time already, and the last contact he had to her was 8 months ago. So i have no way of knowing where she is at, and even if i did find her, i doubt she would be much help.

The main thing right now, i gruess is that i get some help for myself and then just show WH that i can be the woman he needs. The woman he seemed to need when he was very sick, i hadnt seem him like that in a long time how he was those few weeks ago. Maybe i can turn it around again, if i am calmer and more attentive to his needs, instead of only having my own emotions in my head. I need to be the strong one in all of this. For the whole family. I am still married, and i need to stop talking about divorce, i need to stand by my commitment that i made the day i said "yes" to him.

I will pray to God, that he gives me the strength that i need to do this.

WEll i sent the message to his Cell, havent heard back from him yet, but he might be asleep, as he told my son earlier that he stayed up waiting to hear from him and he is going to the docs again later. What i find so very sad is... that he seems to be going to those doctor visits on his own... i dont know if he dont want her to go.. or if she just doesnt go... but back when him and me were together, i always went with him. I dont understand that. The reason why i say this is... at times he comes by here before or after his doc visits.. and he is always alone.

Please dont let it be too late...

Daggi,

It sounds like you love your husband very much. Just don't give the OW pointers on how to meet your husband's EN's. Let her make all the mistakes she wants.

i know she doesnt meet all his needs, otherwise he would have already filed for divorce if he was happy and sure... its been long enough for that. Not like they only been together a month or two.
I know when he was here more often, she started making mistakes... and i also know he is not constantly with her, i think this is why he still keeps his place.. and she her apartment. I think at times he needs space. Thats why he also goes places on his own.

Keep your fingers crossed that he will give me that chance to stay here..

thank you for your support today... it helps sooooo much. I just hope one day i will be strong enough again to be able to help others as much as you have.

Gonna sign out and let my son talk to his girlfriend <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

OH.. i wont be talking to her anymore, WH always said she has nothing to do with him not coming home... he has admitted by now that she is a small part of it. But i know he is still in the healing process from what i have done, and that i need to show him the caring understanding and loving person that i am... that he needs, but i need to let him set the pace in how far he lets me help him through this. All i can do is be there for him... and listen to him... instead of blasting him with my problems.. I guess for that i come here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you soooo much to everyone that has helped me so far, i need to let my feelings out on here.. instead of on him..:)

well, he did answer my message yesterday, and he said he would see how much his paycheck is (since he has been sick most of the two weeks on this paycheck) and he will see if he has enough money to get me to a doctor, he also wrote that if he doesnt have the money to get me to a doctor, he will at least get my some medication. He also said that he WILL be by today, since he had been saying for the past two days that he would come, but he hadnt been feeling well.. he is always exhausted. I really do worry about him.

They did some tests, but the results wont be back until sunday he said. I hope he gets over this virus soon, this is scaring me that it is dragging on for so long, maybe its because all of this is getting to him pretty bad, i dont know, he used to never be so sick so often <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Especially not this kind of sick... i mean colds and stuff... of course. But this has been going on for a month now.. or even longer, at times its better... then it gets worse again. He also had foodpoisoning back in december, and usually that is gone and out of the system in a manner of 3 to 5 days... he had it a good 2 weeks, and very strongly at that.

Well, i will try my best to stay calm when he is here, say as little as possible, that way i cannot mess up... will try to listen to what he says... and will let him finish talking before i answer (bad habit of mine to interrupt, i need to work on that one badly). Wish me luck, i can use it.

~takes a deep breath~

Daggi,

We have been having some "shamals" lately. We had one last night and these are coming from Iraq and Kuwait. If you see the dust in the air, stay inside and keep your kids inside. Don't breath that dust. It can have irreversible effects on your body. Some people have allergies that they didn't know about until they get here. This dust is nasty stuff. What kind of symptoms does your husband have?

I noticed that you said he even likes to have privacy from the OW. That seems a bit unusual to me. Has your husband always been something of a loner?

Daggi,

Traic, asked us to stop by. If you don't mind, I would like to post to you and help where I can.

That talking b4 others are done is a fault of mine 2! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

RE: I hate to revisit an issue. Once I deal with it, it needs t/b done.

It is evident I am short on patience? LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> That is why it was sooo hard 4 me to cultivate patience. But it was a necessity and I forced myself to do so. Now I have lots patience but little tolerance for stupid babble. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. That way when you have to deal with the WS or refocus, you w/b able to. It will help you get stronger.

Be safe, ok?

take care,
L.

hi traicionado,

what are "shamals", i never heard that word before, and his symptoms in the beginning were very severe, which were high fever... he breaks out in cold sweats... cant sleep through.. is constantly worn out and tired, he also seems to be having sinus troubles, but not sure if that is connected to the virus he has, or if his immune system is just low that he also got those sinus problems.

He told me the doc said he has some virus called "ecola or ekola" not sure of the spelling, he just told me that when it started about a month ago. I asked him what the doc said how he contradicted it, and he said the doc said the virus usually comes from eating bad meat. So since husband basically only eats fast food (she dont cook, the always order food) he blamed Kentucky fried chicken or hardees. I dont know more about his condition, because he dont want me to worry. He seemed to be getting better two weeks ago, but since then his health went downhill again. Yesterday he was here for about an hour, and his hair was wet again on his forehead from the sweat. I wiped his forehead a couple times, and he thanked me.

I am just worried bout him, she dont seem to go to the doc with him, i would ask them a million questions, i cant believe this is taking so long, and that after he was getting better, it gotten worse again. WH told me the docs say this is normal with this kind of virus. I asked him if he got medication to reduce the fever and he said, yes at his place, but he was staying at OW's place and forgot to take his meds.

When i told him about a month ago, that i wish i could take care of him, cause he looked so bad, he said he is taking care of himself. Then two days later i said, the least OW can do it take care of you, i just felt so damn helpless, then he said, she is taking care of me. A few days after that he called me and told me about the incident where she woke him up in the middle of the night cause she was hungry. And he got angry at her, and was fighting with his fever and being able to go back to sleep for 4 or 5 hours. I think she is not like i used to be with my husband, and the time when WH came over cause he thought he might have to stay in the hospital, he was so hugging and kissing all 3 of us constantly, and seemed so in need of someone to be there for him. That just gives me the impression that he is missing some things with OW that he had with his family.

My own emotional state came inbetween him and me getting closer back then, because he dont really have the strength to deal with an overemotional wreck like me, and maybe i am at fault for the virus kicking in harder again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. I still have no medication, but i am trying my best to be supportive and caring to him when he is here.

Even though OW is 28 she seems very immature (just the things she puts on her yahoo profile and such, also that her own son is not with her).

I think this is why WH has always been telling me, he does not want to marry OW, he dont know if that relationship has any future, and he lives day by day. I think he is still dealing with the affair that i had, and what it did to him. And he is still struggling with that, and that OW is like a safe haven for him right now, even though she is not really what he needs in a woman. Maybe this is also why he said, when i wasnt so emotional, he was actually thinking of us having a chance again. And maybe thats why he keeps saying he dont know what the future brings. Maybe, just maybe if i can be the wife he used to know... he will come back... in time. So i will try very hard to be the wife that i need to be for him.

And in a way, yes my husband has been a loner, but not when it comes to relationships, when he is sick or whatever, he always enjoyed having me there to take care of him, and he needs this. He also needed me to be at home and with him when he was home, even when we werent doing things together. So i think a lot is going on inside of WH, and it is the feelings of a BH and the feelings of a WH. He wont talk about it, he dont feel comfortable talking to anyone about it. And says he wants to deal with it on his own. He said maybe some day he will tell me. I know all of this is not easy on him, not at all. And i know she is not his dream-woman, he dont love her the way he used to love me. And when they got together for the longest time, he kept telling her he is still in love with me, but she accepted that.

I really believe she never met the actual person that WH is, when she met him, he was stricken with pain, he was admitted to the hospital twice cause of mental breakdown back then, had the knife in his hands a couple times... she dont know any of these things.. they dont have a deep relationship in that sense that he trusts her and tells her everything. I think she is this "safe haven", someone is there, he loves her... she loves him, its not the ultimate love, but its good enough for now. This is why i still have hope, i feel like he could come back again. And what is most important to me... i want him to be ok, that someone is there to truely care for him and takes care of him, how he needs to be loved, taken care of. If i would feel like she can do and be all that, and he would be happy with her, in love with her like he was with me, i would leave... I want him to be happy, he so deserves this after what i done to him.
I just got lost in my own pain for so long, didnt understand why he couldnt take me back right away... i understand so much more now. It took me a long time to realize how much this had hurt him, and even when i did realize it.. i thought.. he should know how much i suffer, why isnt he coming back?? I got completely lost in my own pain, i just wanted him back. Unfortunately i found this site very late (was searching on german forums for many months, but never found anything like this), now that i know what i need to do, i do hope that i can get it all under control (my own emotional state), so i can be there for WH.

Sometimes he says things, that i see as signs that he has made his decision...and after all the hurt i caused i just want to leave for good, so he never has to be reminded of all the pain, and just lives happily ever after. But then he says other things again, he still dont want a divorce, and says its not over till one of us decides it is.

I dont know what is going on in his head, it is very confusing.. some things seem to be said from a WH some from a BH, its so hard to understand him at times.

Sorry this got so long... have you heard of such a virus btw? I tried typing it into google (like i said, no clue how it is spelled, since he just told me what it was called) and nothing came up on the search. So i am not really sure.

hello Orchid <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

thank you for stopping by, it really really helps to know that there are people that are helping me through this all, and that i am not alone.

Patience always has been one of the things i had trouble with, and in this situation it has taken immense proportions. I just so want to make it all right again, to show him all the love that i denied him. And seeing him in such bad shape and not being able to do anything about it, is very very hard. But i know the only thing that can really help my marriage now is patience, time, understanding and caring on my part.

I think i did pretty well yesterday when he was here, i did apologize to him for the past week and how i acted, and he said he would get me some medication once he gets a chance (he is feeling pretty bad atm) I also told him no more talk about divorce from me (this seemed to always upset him very much).

He hugged me a couple times, and he kissed me on the cheek (he used to kiss me on the lips when it was a little better between us a few weeks ago, but i guess my "episodes" made him get distance again).

I get a lot of comfort sitting here and reading the threads on this forum, so many success stories. Even though my situation is a bit different, since WH and me lived in two different countries the past 2 years. But i want to stay here for as long as he lets me. We both have changed in these 2 years, and as long as i am here, i want to show him the Daggi he used to know, it takes a lot on my part, especially without medication, and i guess its kind of good that he isnt here so much, at least i cant do too many mistakes then, as long as i stay away from the darn cell phone and dont blast him with messages.

Maybe when he feels better he will come by more often again, right now since my "episodes" he is only concentrating on the kids when he is here, where he used to spend time with me without the kids present, he now only spends time in the kids room, but i do sit in there with them when he is there. We used to talk about doing things together when he is feeling better and now he talks about him and the kids doing those things on their own. I am pretty scared that i destroyed everything this week. And everytime i get that feeling, i get those other thoughts in my head, like .. get out, get a divorce and get it over with... there is nothing left to salvage. It is so hard to keep up hope.

I kind of wish someone would have been here all this time and would have seen WH's behavior since i gotten here with me, so they could tell me if i already destroyed everything and if it is too late now.

Thanks for being here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

U have to realize U didn't destroy anything. Stop blaming yourself for his A attitude.

Just finish your plan A w/o being a doormat. ok?

take care,
L.

It just seemed to me that he might still be dealing with some BH-symptoms, as he doesnt tell me how great the OW is, but rather tells me the opposite, i found this kind of strange. Isnt it ususally the case (as it was with my A as well) the the OP is the greatest, does the best, and is only talked about good?

He told me he has left her 6 times before, she doesnt understand him and he has to repeat himself lots of times with her, which drives him up the wall. This is what is confusing me, that doesnt sound like normal WS remarks. Or am i wrong?

I think i have come to terms with my fault over the past few months, and i know even though i told him before, that i told him to get a new life and find someone new, and he answered me, and i did just that, went on with my life and found someone new (so i guess putting the blame on me)i do know it was his decision to do so. I used to beat myself up for this, but i dont anymore. Just strange if he has found this new life, then why havent i gotten any divorce papers yet... yes, i know, i think too much about what he does and says... i must remember... its the fog..

I have a question, is it ok to send him messages on his cell phone asking how he is doing... or that i hope he is doing better (cause of his health condition), or should i not contact him at all and just let him initiate all contact. (he got upset at me before for sending him messages to his phone, claiming i sent at least 10 a day, when i know for a fact that wasnt true... one day, yes i did, wasnt feeling well, but the other days i sent ONE a day to see how he was doing, he claims i "spammed" him every day) Now i am not sure whether i should or not, if i dont, doesnt it seem like i dont care how he is feeling and i am just concerned how i feel? Or should i just write every other day? I know... pretty silly questions, just scared to say or do anything to push him even further than i already did. Thanks for the help <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Daggi,

I am heading for the airport so will be away for a few days. "Shamals" are those nasty north winds that bring in sand storms from Iraq.

I sent an email to a friend who used to live in Kuwait but recently relocated to Chad and I asked him about the medical services. I will cut and paste what he wrote:

-----------my email---------------

Tony,

I hope this is your email address. I have a quick question for you. You had residence in Kuwait and so did your wife. As a resident, do you get free or subsidized medical service? We did in the UAE and I was wondering about Kuwait. I have a friend that needs to know and she is in about the same situation your wife would have been in.

How is Chad?

----------------his reply-----------------

If you mean Company provided, then we were both covered by Inter Global, but the Government does provide medical care, but the Government Hospital (Adnan) my wife was in was not good. There are private ones, but we never had to use them. The Hospitals are subsidised, but the clinics are not as they are all private. The German Clinic in Fahaheel was good.

If you need any more info, feel free to call me on ------------- Chad is O.K.

Regards to you and Kent,
Tony.

thanks for the info Traicionado <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Not too sure what is going on inside WH atm, when he was here 2 days ago, he said he would get me some meds from a pharmacy, since he dont have the money to go to a doctor.

But then he went and got my son a memory card for his phone i think what those are called. It is a 1 GB card, and my son said those cost 200 dollars. I have no clue as to how much those are. WH left, as sick as he was, got that card and came back to bring it by for our son so he would be able to use it still that same night.

WH had always shown care towards me while i was still back home, and also since i been here, but since my last "episode", he seems so very very distant. He seems completely focused on the kids, and only talks to me when i initiate the conversation (not about relationship). When he sends a text message telling me that he wont be able to come by this day, and i answer (in a nice way, without any relationship-talk) he doesnt write back anymore. For example when he wrote two days ago, "sorry, just woke up, cant come by, will be by tomorrow" i answered, ok WH take care of yourself, goodnight" he never replied. Before my last "episode" he would at least write "goodnight" back. Same yesterday, he said he just woke up and he will be by today, goodnight. I wrote back, goodnight and i hope you are feeling a little better. Again no response, before he would write me that he is feeling better or if he wasnt.

It just feels like he has detached himself from me completely, does plan A still make sense now? Or should i just give up on my marriage? All of this is so hard, is he just weary and expects me to "fall" right back into my old pattern if he is "nicer" to me again?

Sorry i am just having a pretty hard time at the moment again, i could use some input on all of that.

I hate the fact that i depend on him to get some medication, and i hate having to "ask" him about it all the time. Somehow i get the feeling he is just allowing me to stay here for the sake of the kids. And that he only deals with me as much as he has to, in order to keep it all civil.

Am i looking at it too bleak? Everything inside of me wants to talk to him, to tell him, cant we just forget all my emotional outburts of the last few months, and pretend i just got here? I so long to have the man back that he was when i got here, he showed so much care for me, but i pushed him so far away. Guess i am having a pretty bad day again, hope i get through it ok.

well being here reading threads from other people seem to help me calm down every day, i see the strength that others have, and the support that is being given on this board, and i am trying to learn from these other threads and the suggestions made there to others.

Got a text message from WH it read: "Feeling like S**t, but got new meds today. I will be by in the morning. I promise. If need I can stop by and drop money if you need some till tomorrow"

I replied. "We went to the store today, so we are good. I hope the new meds work better. Nite nite"

The past days i had added smilies to the text message when i answered one of his message, and he never replied to it again, so i figured i keep it to the point and no smilies.

Then i got this reply from him: "OK, ty <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> night night"

thats a huge improvement from the past two days, normally he wouldnt have replied at all, or only sent an "Ok"

I dont expect him to be by in the morning, he is still sick, and even when he wasnt sick, he never showed up when he said he would.. he would be hours late.. or even days before (when days late he would apologize and say some excuse) I havent expected him to come by the past 2 days even though he said he would come by. But by not expecting him to show up i dont feel sad or anything that he didnt show up. I just take one day at a time, will try to be friendly and civil with him, i do hug and kiss him on the cheek when he comes and goes, as he does the same. But other than that, i will try to give him his space when he is here. Will see how it developes over the next days.. weeks.. I hope i did alright with the reply to his text message, wasnt sure whether to add "nite nite" or not, but since i used to do that every day already, i figured why not.

why is it so hard <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

WH only comes by and fixes stuff around the house, then leavs again... he doesnt do anything with the kids. How can he be so blind as to what he is doing? we have to walk everywhere in this heat, while he has a car. He gives me enough money to last two weeks until his next paycheck. I dont know where to draw the strength for all of this.

a few days ago.. he let me come to the store with him to get some fans for us, since our A/C dont work right.. OM calld him while we were there. She must have told him something like... i am going there and there if you are not coming... caus he said.. no, you f++++g wont, i will be right there. She had done that before when he was over at our place before. Why is he letting her control him like this?? I dont understand it, he usedto never be like this, actually he wasalways the kind of man that controlled others and his situations.

A few days ago, he took our laptop, to put a HD in it, that noone asked for. I have no clue when we will get it back, i walked around with my daughtr in this heat for about an hour and a half till i found this internet cafe...i think its the one where OW used to work at, where he met her.. i just dont know how i should do a plan a when he is not around. I dont hear from him for days..

I get harrassed all the time walking to places here, they follow and just go on and on... just talking... but its so annoying... i feel so alone here, without the protection of my H.

Cant he see how hard all of this is on us? Cant he see what he is doing to his kids??? They feel bad feelings towards him, they say they dont have a father anymore. It hurts so much to see this. They both dont even want to talk to him anymore... my son still talks to him when he is around, cause we depend on him, they both dont believe him when WH tells them he loves and misses them, because if he would he would show it to them... not just say it. my daughtr doesnt want to hurt his feelings by not talking to him, but she4 would rather not. How can this woman be more important than his own children??? How can he not see all of this???

He blames me for loosing everything back home... the trouble back home is getting worse and worse. I know this from what my family tells me. The police is involved.. How can some woman be so important??? I dont understand <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />((