Just found out after 18 months of what I thought was no contact that WS has been communicating w/ OW and recently met up with her in a city we all lived it and at our house. She is temporarily in another city due to the hurricane but will return. We have no intention of returning, but plan to rent our property -- which I thought was the reason for his trip there.. After I made the 2nd D, he came clean. I also found photos from the most recent encounter. I told him if I didn't get an apology from her I would post the photos on the internet. She called and apologized - said although she was sorry for inflicting pain on me, she would not apologize for their love. Can you believe this? I was so professional - I surprised myself. I thought I would go off and threaten her with the photos as a way to get her to just leave my WS alone. But after listening to her I felt pity for her. I now see how the enemy fools OW and WS into believing that this is a real relationship as oppose to the fantasy that it is. She felt the need to keep going on and on about the love. I guess it was to help her justify their behavior in her mind. The conversation ended with her agreeing to stay away as we attempt to salvage our marriage. I am somewhat confused as to my next moves. I thought we were safe bvecause we relocated and I thought NC was established. We have gone to a few counselors but I haven't been pleased with any of them. Called our church back home for counseling - still awaitng a call back. WS says he "now" sees that he has a problem and needs help, now understands the concept of soul ties and the importance of NC for that reason. We read Harley books after the 1st D, but never sat down and wrote out any of the plans. After the 1st D, WS was on the fence, so to speak --- seems like this time he gets it. Offering to do things like change cell phone, etc -- which wasn't done the 1st time.
Says he's willing to do whatever it takes even if I'm unwilling to do anything. From the tone of the conversation with OW -- I sense she is waiting in the wings b/c she thinks we won't make it. Not sure if she called me to apologize b/c of the photos or to get brownie points w/ WS. Looking for advice from seasoned vets as to my nexts steps. A little background. WS met OW on a job. OW has 2 pre-teen kids and is divorced. From what I have gathered, her Ex cheated on her. We have been married for 6 1/2 years, no children. Wondering if the recent death of WS father (Dec.) drove him back to her?
A note for other betrayed spouses I discovered the contact because our cell company changed the detailed billing --it's more detailed. Before I could only see calls dailed, but now it shows the number to incoming calls. WS thought he was smart by calling her from a pay phone or work (he admitted) and having her call him right back -- thinking that the incoming number would not show up. Then they got real smart -- she started to block her number so when she would call him it would show up as his cell number. Cell company said that only happens when the incoming call is blocked.

I know exactly how you feel, after 2 months of what I thought was NC I found the OW at my house kissing my husband. This just occured last night, I however was not as tactical as you and resorted to physical violence which I am not proud of but must say I feel a heck of alot better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Background--we have been together 14 yrs, since I was 16, and married 8 years, I found out about the affair the day after our anniversary, we have 2 children ages 8 and 7 and am at my wits end with this. I just don't see any possible way to forgive this and I told him I wanted a divorce.

I hope and pray that you can salvage your marriage. I spoke to WS spouse's godmother and she gave me alot of insight and made me feel alot better. I now see the benefit of exposure -- didn't do it the first time around -- too ashamed. I'm still considering contacting OW mom to care for the exposure on her end. I'm still on the fence about my marriage -- just taking it one day at a time. I will say to his credit he's doing all the things he should have done on the first go around which gives me a small glimmer of hope. What is it with them bringing the women to our homes? SAD. From what I have been reading -- seems like some of this stuff can be a form of addiction and like a crack addict -- it's not easy for them to just make a clean break. Guess that's why exposure is so important. Keep the faith

Scrapps, I suggest you take this thread over to General Questions II. Most of the pros in MB principles spend all of their time there and you'll get many more responses/ideas on that forum.

You're dealing with one affair, btw, not two. The affair didn't end when you thought it did; it probably just went deeper underground. I don't know if you tried to apply MB techniques to save your marriage 18 months ago or not. You admit you didn't expose then so I have to conclude if you tried to apply Dr. Harley's precepts, you didn't do it correctly. Exposure of an affair is vital. It often kills affairs as of the moment of exposure. If exposing doesn’t end the affair immediately, it begins the process by shining a harsh, uncompromising light on a sordid relationship. Affairs are fantasies conducted in secrecy and darkness, much like what happens under a rock in a field. Turn that rock over, expose the seamy underside to the light of day, and the slimy little fantasy world underneath evaporates.

I also suggest you quit thinking of your husband’s partner in adultery as having any morals whatsoever. She knew the heartbreak infidelity brings to a marriage because she had suffered that devastation herself. She knew your husband was married too because she called and “apologized” to you. Guess what? It takes someone with a particular streak of cruelty running through their character to then indulge themselves by having an affair with your cheating spouse. She’s not a good person and you shouldn’t think of her in kind terms. She’s the enemy and needs to be treated as such.

Here’s a great thread on how and to whom you should expose your husband’s adultery.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rt=all&vc=1

If you haven’t already, please get a copy of Dr. Willard Harley’s book Surviving An Affair, and read it from cover to cover. It will give you chapter and verse on how to recover your marriage and then how to keep it strong and vibrant.

Good luck, Scrapps. You have work to do but you can save your marriage. My thoughts are with you.