Hi. I guess I've missed some of your posts lately. What is happening? Are you still not in contact with the OM? How are things going with your husband?

I broke NC once when the OM tried to reach me, but the only thing I said to him was not to contact me again, and I told my H. Things have not been easy. My H is really struggling to work through this, and I thought the OM would respect the boundaries and remain out of the OC life, but the OM still wants to know about the OC. My H consulted with an attorney, and we meet with him on Tuesday. The full force of how much damage I caused has begun to hit me. My H used to be pretty easygoing, and he now questions all of my moves, even trips to the grocery store. I know that I must expect that; we are now concerned about the OC

Okay, you have an excellent attitude. Let your husband know that you are in this together, and your marriage is the most important thing to you. It won't be easy (I see you read my thread and realize how far reaching these things are).

Your husband is reacting normally. His world has been shattered and he doesn't feel like he has much control.

Hopefully the attorney will give some advice on how to get OM out of the picture.

You may want to write the OM a no contact letter and let him know you are done with him, and desire to remain with your husband. Tell him that you don't want to have to let his wife know about the affair and child, but you may be forced to. But I think I would see the attorney first.

Thank you, believer, for the encouragement. We did send a first NC letter, but we may have to again. My H is anxious to have the OC issue covered through an attorney because he loves her dearly and can't stand the thought of the OM clouding that picture. I am sincerely hoping the OM will focus on his own M and children and not dwell on the OC. I made the mistake of allowing him contact with the OC before the A ended; now I think he is having difficulty letting go, even though he knows that's best for all concerned.

It might be that the OW wants to hold on to you, through your daughter. I don't know.

Let your husband know that you want to work through this at his side. It is very difficult but people do overcome these problems and go on to have a wonderful marriage.

Hang in there.

sfjaj,

I have noticed that you have posted on the Pregnancy section. Don't forget to continue to post there. Tigger, and AD are two old friends from this board and they can really help. there are a few other old timers there that have a lot of insight into your situation. If K posts to you, PAY CLOSE ATTENTION. I will tell you that his situation changed me in profound ways.

Ask him for an history of his situation. It will blow your mind. Actually, it may not, your H is acting very much like he did. You should be proud of your H. Also, talk at length with AD about her H's response to finding out his youngest might not be his. He wanted to know little.

You are doing well, and definitely pay attention to what the attorney is saying. If you want to protect your OC, then the best way to do this is protect your H. If you do, he can and will help you protect this little child.

Oh! one last thing tell AD and Tigger "hi" for me will you. They are very special people. In my book K is "the man".

I hope all goes well for you. And yes you will realize more and more how this has affected so many people. I will repeat for you what K once said about his situation when he found his W was pregnant by OM. He felt, this was an "OPPORTUNITY" to recover his marriage.

You may not realize this but your situation is an OPPORTUNITY for you to do the same and as you are seeing your H is a stronger man than you ever knew. You are getting the OPPORTUNITY to see that, and he is getting the OPPORTUNITY to show you what he is made of.

Finally, search for Facing_Choices on this site. I think her final post was a year or so ago in the Recovery section. It will blow your mind.

Keep up the NC, and let your H know that you at least respect him for what he is doing even if you cannot honestly say you love him. He will need all of the strength he can get, and YOU my dear are a major source of it. Awesome to have that much power isn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

You know, telling the OM's wife really may help you keep OM out of your life. It really needs to be done.