Well, I have turned a corner.

I still don't want a divorce, but I've stopped wanting my WW to come home.

When she first left, I would have accepted almost any terms that would have kept her at home, short of her inviting a lover to our home.

Then, after a couple days, I knew that something had to change, so I told her that, I desperately wanted her to change her mind, but only come back after we had established some accountability safeguards, and basic guidelines.

Now, I am willing to take her back, if she comes back of her own free will, and with demonstrated committment to both the marriage, and to addressing the issues in her that have been driving her.

Last night I had a dream. I didn't sleep all that well, I think I'm coming down with something. Anyway, the part that I remember is that I was driving, and the yellow fuel light was flashing. But then I noticed that according to the needle, I had more than a quarter of a tank, which was plenty to get where I needed to go. And it struck me. I do believe that it was a dream sent by God to me to let me know that no matter how empty and afraid and desperate I *feel*, I do have all the strength I need for this road.

No assurances, other than that I'll keep going, but, I suppose, what else does one really need.

I love my wife, and I'll always be thankful for the good times we've had, which despite her recent complaints to the contrary, have been more plentiful than the bad times. She'll always have a special place in my heart because she's the mother of my kids, the only girl I ever dated for more than a month, and my first and only lover. She's been with me through various levels of school, a bout with cancer, and moves all across this country. It's sad to see her go, but if that's her intent then all I can do is wave goodbye.

So... I don't know what the future holds, but we're headed down Avenue D, and we will only turn from it by her choice. My hands are off the wheel.

I think I'm special, generally, but I do suspect that this stage is normal. Acceptance. I'm not to blame. Crystal's choices have consequences, and she'll be knee-deep in them soon enough. As for me, I'm just going to close my eyes and relax in the peace of knowing I don't have to make the future follow my pre-conceived path.

Still truckin' down Ave. D.

We've resolved almost all of our issues in a separation agreement. It's not a voluntary separation, but I am ready to be done with this.

I'm just so disappointed that my kids have to go through this he--.

So, I *DID* pass the TX bar. So, now I am an attorney... about 1500 miles from where I live.

Now my engineering employer has said that they need to put a long-term engineer in my slot, and they're only able to support me for another 3~4 weeks, and I don't have a job as an attorney.

If I move, I probably won't be able to take the kids with me. She has me over a barrel, and I guess she's going to get everything she wants. I'm frustrated, but I don't know what to do, because if I can't support my family here locally, I need to earn a living somewhere. Of course, she WANTED to move to TX originally, and then when she left me she said she would still move to TX so that the kids would be able to be near both of us, but now she's gotten back in the good graces of her parents (who want me dead, literally) since she left me, and her new BF has decided he doesn't want to move to TX.

I'll be rich, sooner rather than later. Actually, I expect to make almost twice what my wife and her BF will make, together, when I get a job with a law firm. But I still feel like I'm the one getting the shaft on this deal. I feel like my wife has kicked me out of my own life.

Why do the infidels have to be so #@#$ selfish???

It's not all bad, I've been pleasantly surprised at how many (attractive) women have been making passes at me recently. I've been turning them down so that I can try to set some sort of positive example for my kids.

This all just makes my stomach turn. I never wanted this, and here I am being pulled into this abyss. I feel like I will be permanently damaged goods and my kids will be doomed to live as guests in two households that neither one will feel like home to them. I know my wife THINKS that the kids will just attach to her new BF as fast as she did (Did you all hear the sonic-boom from that?), but it's going to take them years, and it will be torture for them for most of the rest of their lives - at least until they're on their own.

And I can't protect them from any of this.

I'm starting to feel optomistic about my future, but I'm still disappointed, and occassionally mad. Anyway, the divorce is really on the fast track. Now that virtually everything that can be decided is decided, she's moving ahead, full-speed, in her relationship with her new BF, and I just don't want to be a part of that relationship, and I feel tied to her while she does what she does, so I want out. The only thing left is the legal dissolution of the marriage, and that is going to be on the grounds of adultery, so I am ready to go. I'm ready to have the torture of her cruel selfishness over, as much as possible.

Oh, one somewhat funny thing is that my STBXW wants the divorce finalized because her BF isn't willing to introduce her to his mother since she's staunchly religious and wouldn't want her son dating a "married" woman. Apparently she's not as "enlightened" as my wife and her BF about these things.

I wish you all the best of luck...

One thing I've learned - and I always knew it, really - is that no matter how good the advice is, when it comes to saving a marriage, it doesn't really matter if one spouse is NOT willing to let the marriage be saved. If I had it all to do over again, I would have gone the tough-love route right away. I don't know if it would have saved the marriage... maybe yes, maybe no, but it would have reduced the amount of he-- I let my wife put me through.

I will certainly be smarter next time. Unlike her, I won't presume the first person of the oposite sex who walks by is my soul-mate, and I'm going to investigate the character of each and every candidate for a long-term relationship carefully. But hey, some women are just really good liars... that's something else I've learned.

Congratulations on passing the TX bar!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

I think you probably need to move to Texas. Your wife is going to start realizing what a huge mess she made, sooner or later.