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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5 |
I was posting on another site and found out my H's OW and her H were also on that site. Needless to say, I had to move on.
We've been married for 12 years and together 18. Last August, the OW's H called and informed me of the affair between my H and his W. They were co-workers. Their affair lasted 8 months.
It has been a crazy emotional roller coaster ride since, however, we are trying to repair our relationship. My H has been doing everything to help me heal and is truely remorseful. With that being said I will get to my question. Of course any of us betrayed by a love one has trust issues. I hired a decoy to flirt with my H to see if he would take the bait. Was this a terrible thing for me to do? It hasn't happened yet, it should happen sometime this week.
ME, BS 40
WS, 42
Together 18 years, married 12
D-day: Aug 2, 2005
8 month PA
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Member
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457 |
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
I won't say it is a terrible thing...probably creative, though.
Does your FWH know why he chose to cheat? Has he been looking at what is believes, at his holes and how he can fill them?
You guys been in MC? IC? And did you have trust issues before the infidelity?
Hate to see you give a test that doesn't cover the scope of the material.
LA
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5 |
Thanks for the replies. Yes we are in MC and I'm starting IC soon. No, we did not have trust issues prior to his A. My H claims he is working on the hows and whys but for all his changed, for the better, behavior, that is the one thing I don't see - the self examination. Maybe I'm wrong and he is working on it himself. I just feel that how can he stay this wonderful H he's turned into without fixing what's wrong in himself. Like I said maybe he has or is working on it. Sorry for rambling!
ME, BS 40
WS, 42
Together 18 years, married 12
D-day: Aug 2, 2005
8 month PA
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709 |
The test thingy could backfire. Testing itself is to my opinion is like cheating your husband.
Just concentrate on building your relationship. Talk to your husband and work together to build the trust. Trust takes TIME to heal...there is no short cut.
This is your chance to put plan A into effective mode. Put it into full gear and keep showing him that your are a better choice than the OW.
I understand it still hurts and you have trust issues. Try to think positive and work to remove the trust issues inside you. This trust problem is like a worm that will eat you up and make things worst in your relatioship if you dont find ways to stop it.
Take care.
BS age 38
Sep 03 DDay
30 June 05 Divorce
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 5 |
My H passed the test. He didn't give the decoys the time of day. I am so happy to have something tangable. I know to some it seems an awful trick to play on someone, but I'm so insecure. I spent 2 days waiting for the report sick to my stomach for what I had done and fearing the outcome. I don't want to resort to being sneaky but I felt like I needed it for my sanity.
ME, BS 40
WS, 42
Together 18 years, married 12
D-day: Aug 2, 2005
8 month PA
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