I am alive, and well...
I promised to post again awhile ago, and didn't.
I was at the doctors last week and the 'homework' she gave me, made me think of everyone here.

Things are going well for us here.

For an update...I am still in school. I should graduate in September but there is one class that I need that is only offered in Novembers so I will get my 'fake' diploma in September and my real one in January. I am glad to be nearing the end. I am currently taking English 3rd year and Math for Business. I always knew I was bad at math, but not THIS bad. haha. Oh well.

Hailey is 3 years old, and thinks she is 15. She is boss, and will tell you how things should be. She just moved up into the preschool and loves it. They went on their first field trip via bus last week and she is officially a 'big girl'.

Alex is 5 and is having trouble in school. He was evaluated by child dev. services last week and will be again on Thursday. He is showing AD/HD signs and also troubles adjusting and controlling his impulses. He sees his pediatrician next week and we will get him back into therapy as I believe that will help. He has a lot of unanswered and unsolved 'daddy' and 'Adam' problems...
When he struck up one of his random conversations about Adam in the car he described him as a 'floater', because we don't know where he lives. He said he might be a good guy but all he remembers is that he yelled a lot, drove a fast black car (camaro), was in the Navy, was strong, loved the bad Marci lady more then mommy, did bad things that made the police put him in the jail, and left and didn't take care of him. That is how he describes him. Hurtful and sad.

He starts Kindergarten next year. He will be going to a full time Kindergarten class which was difficult to do. The problem…it is in the same town as Adams younger brothers. They are in 4th and 5th grade at the same school and VERY BIG problem children. Adams biological father and grandmother live in that SMALL town. The kids have the same last name. How to I ensure his safety and not have him be labeled by the last name? That is a problem that I have yet to solve. I could have Alex go to another school district in a nearby town, but that school is only half day, and he will do much better with the full day. Secondly we will eventually build a house in the town with the full day Kindergarten so Alex would have to change schools if we put him into the other district now.

Adam has not seen the kids since June of last year. He has not asked to see them since midnight on Christmas Eve. I have not talked to him since the day he went to jail (sometime in January) and he asked me if he could have the bail money that I got back. I told him no and he said fine and hung up the phone. I have not heard from him since. About a month ago Jacob and I passed Marci and Adam on the road at a red light, but no sightings since.

On Feb. 17th I got the child support raised to equal his job pay increase. The first week that his wages were withheld to show the increase he quit and I have not been able to track him down yet. The state is very little help. Today Jacob took Hailey to Lowes to get some boards and saw his car parked in the parking lot. He told Hailey that he was sorry but they were closed and came home. On the way to the grocery store hours later his car was still there. I will check with the personal office there tomorrow to see if he works there.

I have been fighting off depression and have been seeing a doctor for a few months. At my last visit, which was last week, she gave me the homework to read the book 'Codependent No More' I recall someone here recommending that book to me. I ordered it at Bookland..

Jacob and I are now living together, renting the same house until I graduate and get a full time job to afford to build on the land. He is doing well, and the kids love him. The ring that I newly wear on my left hand is beautiful. Hailey calls him Daddy from time to time. When she first started calling him Daddy he would stop her and say that he loves her and wants her to be able to count on him, but she doesn't have to call him her Daddy. She continued to do so. In a meeting at Alexs school he told his teacher that Jacob is the one who acts like a Father and Adam was his 'born father'. Jacob is working full time on the Lobster boat while finishing his electrical construction degree. He lives (used to live) about 3 miles from my ex-MIL. His parents live in the same area too, and we spend a few dinners a week there.

Speaking of my ex-mil... I called her two weeks ago to say hello. She is overcoming breast cancer and a one sided mastectomy. She said she was doing well, feeling better. On the topic of Adam, she said she had no idea where he lived, worked, his number, ect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Apparently he comes by randomly but leaves without much conversation. She said how much she missed the kids and wished she could see them. I said she could and that I would bring them to see her when she was feeling better. She said how about in two weekends. I told her that would be great because that would be the first weekend that Alex would not have a figure skating class. I told her that since it was so far away and I wanted to wait until she was feeling better, and to make sure nothing came up in our schedule, that she could call me closer to then. I told her my number (she already knew it) and told her to call me and let me know when was best for her. She never called. I thought about calling, but I an not going to beg her.... I could care less. The kids honestly don't even remember what they look like. Hailey asks me 'Is that Adam' sometimes, and the man never looks anything like him..

My rant right now is my very best friend in life lives in NC. I live in Maine. We both moved from VA where we met. I miss her to death. Plus, her husband is a JERK. He is rude on the phone, and dislikes me. She apologizes for him, but it hurts. I call, he answers and says ‘Were busy go away’ and hangs up before I say anything. When she calls back she will say she is sorry for how he acted. Blah.

Well I realize now why people say I don't shut up...I don't. I am sorry for rambling on....

Oh, my depressing news. The great infidelity diet wore off and I have gained 13 lbs back. Had to buy a new pair of jeans last night. 209 down to 135 went back up to 148. DAMNIT! Oh well...I see a dietician next week to set up a diet plan that I can live with..

HOW IS EVERYONE? Miss you all...
Danielle

Dani,

Good to hear from you. Jacob sounds like a nice guy. Let him know your MB family wants to hear good news about your new R. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear you and the kids are doing ok. Graduating? I am very proud of you my dear. Looks like a future is looking up for you and the kids. Wouldn't have thought so a few monthe ago, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Keep us posted. Seems like the WS is still out there in la la land. Notice how your improvements are good for you but the WS is not eating dust? Your dust. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Better that way than the other way around. Keep up the good work.

Hugz,
L.

(((((((((((((Dani))))))))))))))

So there's a new man in your life???? I'm so happy for you!!

Adam is going to be VERY sorry one day that he abandoned his family, and that his kids don't even remember him.

How does child support work in your area? I know in Ohio they DO NOT mess around.....even if they can't find where they work, they will suspend their drivers license first, then after that they take their income tax return and give it to you for the back child support they owe, and after that...yeah, it's pretty much jail. So it doesn't pay to be a deadbeat Dad in Ohio. I hope it's nationwide.

I miss you Dani!!! Please drop me an e-mail, I'd love to stay in touch with you. My e-mail addy is at the bottom of my post <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You made it girl!!!!! You've recovered and you have a good life with a good man!!!!!

God Bless You Sweetie, You Deserve The Best,

-Caren

good for you! congrats...you deserve happiness...do hope you get married as I am old fashioned...we want kids to see two stable and MARRIED parents...not a fan of living together I might add.

but awesome about the college...no, math is never easy.

now is the ring on left hand an engagement one? if so, when's the big day? let us in on it!

continue to be there for the kids 100 percent. they're doing good b/c of you! and I will keep your ds in my prayers...my neice has add/hd. she's doing awesome now...took a while to get her on the right meds. just make sure ds is really add/hd and not depressed...he could be depressed ya know?

and the ws still a ws...oh excuse me...an XWS! sorry to hear Adam went off deep end. so sad honey. But his loss...

Just make sure you're doing the right thing w/jacob and that is not a rebound thing. it's only been almost six months since you've been legally single girl! I have been for a little over 2 years and still not enough time to do anything that I want to do yet...but trying. and still dating and doing well!

you've been in my prayers..and your precious children too! I am sorry your xwh did not wake up. He has lost everything now.

and I understand how you feel about your bf. my best friend is back home too. I miss her 100000 percent! she is always there for me and we burn up the cell phones! since you have custody, you can choose btw to live wherever you wish to live! so you and jacob...after marriage...can do whatever you two want. glad he's being so good to the kids...kids need to see him as a real stepdad and if it's right...not rushed...then make it official. I just always worry about kids who see their parents split as that's hard...then to see their parent quickly get into another relationship like my xwh did..I think I've really remained single b/c I was afraid of making a second mistake and also b/c I do not want to have my ds around anybody at all until he felt really comfy with his mommy, me, being single and dating somebody. We have to protect their little hearts as their dad broke it for them...sad, but true. We can't add to more mourning in the life of a child..that's why I only believe in introducing kids to a partner when it is SERIOUS SERIOUS...ie, road to marriage. And why I don't/won't live with anybody. What happens if you break up? My ds does not need any more loss in his life. He's had to deal with so much at such a young age already. Just food for thought girlfriend.

I am indeed happy for you. I hope it's 100 percent wonderful and that Jacob's the one. You deserve nothing less than being treated, you and the kids that is, like royalty and loved and cherished.

And Dani, you've learned MB principles! How awesome is that? What a foundation to build upon in this new relationship! Just fill him in early on HIs Needs/Her needs ok?

Love Ya!

You're a champ!

Hi Dani, It's good to have an update. I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well.

I was prompted to write because of what you said about your son Alex. I work with all kinds of high needs kids at an elementary school. I'm in all kinds of classrooms and I see all kinds of kids. Some are AD/HD. Some are on meds; some aren't. Until I took this job, I didn't believe in meds for kids. Now, for one kid in particular, I can tell almost at a glance if his mom gave him his meds. It makes a big difference in his work.

I respectfully ask what leads you to think that Alex would do best in an all day Kindergarten? Is it a day care issue or is there more to it? I completely understand the amount that childcare costs. Sometimes, kids do better with LESS school.

Kindergarten is a different beast than it used to be. Kids are expected to go in fully equipted and ready to go. It's not building blocks, squidging playdough and learning to get along anymore. Now, a child is considered behind if the child cannot read and write...well...when they leave K. There's a lot of pressure and some kids just cannot handle it.

You may want to consider what district you send your kids to for more than access to fulltime Kindergarten. Which one has the best facilities, the best spending per student and the best test scores? Which district has the best counseling system and safety net in place? I think you are right to be concerned about your kids' uncles. Are they "bad" kids or have they fallen through the cracks? Kids DO get labeled when they have the same name. I would go to a different school district just to get a fresh start.

Ultimately, it's your decision but there is more to school than a full time K program. This may be biazed but in my experience, a school with a fulltime K is a school with a lot of working parents. In general, working parents are less involved with their kid's education. A generalization perhaps but logistically, it's difficult to be at a school a lot when you have a full time job. It is the stay-at-home moms and dads that are the backbone and life blood of good schools. They hold the infrastructure together. The hours they put in organizing, copying, helping groups and just being there cannot be compensated by any school budget.

Being involved with your kids' education is one of the best investments of time you can make. Observing classrooms, volunteering to help teachers, working on the parent-teacher boards are the best way to help your child get a great education.

When young children have traumas, it takes a while for them to work it through. This abandonment by his father is going to hang with Alex forever. Make sure he starts school with the best chance possible to succeed. Set him up for success!

Just MVHO.

Dani:

It's been a year since you updated, almost, and I check in from time to time to see if you have posted. If you read this, I hope you are okay, and hope that you post another update, and SOON!!