HI
It has been awhile since my last post. After 20 years of cheating,and lying,and 10 months seperated after ww ran off on family ,she sent div papers last week.
I am moving on ,but don't understand how she can just wake up every day without seeing ,or talking with our 2 teens.
My daughter has told her she does not want anything to do with her,but son has talked with her twice,and he is also upset cause of what she did.WW has not seen kids for 10
months.What kind of mother would ignore their kids for so long?.They are 16,and 19,and old enough to make their own decisions about this.Should I do anything now ,or just let time go its way.

If you can afford it I would fight her like heck in court. Not in an effort to save the marriage but on behalf of your abandoned children force her to come back to town for depositions, mediation and trial.

Your children, although perhaps appearing strong, are undoubtedly trying to put their young minds around the "why's". In all these court proceedings you can ask her and ask her again, "Why?". You and they may not get the answers you want but at least you pressed the question on their behalf. You stood up against her indecent and immoral behavior.

How to drag it out...ask your attorney, but you likely could ask for outrageous child support (and back support for the last 2 years) and alimony. Then just don't settle. You may have even racked up some debt the last few years and demand she pay 1/2. Be creative.

If she is still in an affair she probably ran away for a multitude of fogged out reasons but mostly to avoid the guilt/conflicted feelings she has when she see all you guys and her lack of self-worth (she thinks you guys are better off without her). Most affairs don't last. She may not end the affair relationship now or soon; but, by delivering pain in the divorce proceedings the sooner it may in fact end and WW can clear the fog out of her eyes and TRY to repent and make amends with her kids and maybe her ex-husband.

I know the kids may not support or encourage you to do this. They will tell you forget her...we don't need her and I don't care what she ever does or says I am not going to take her back in my life. However, perhaps they only see your pain and wish to be supportive as they run around in youthful exuberance whilst hiding their own pain. If you've got the strength, inflict the pain on WW in the divorce proceedings and try to get answers for your kids.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

Someone once told me give time time....think about that.....In time she will come to regret the fact that she has no relationship with her children due to her own decisions......How any mother could just leave her children I will never understand......I'm sorry I really don't have any profound advice.....just do what you feel is best for your children.....

MISTERSTEVE

Don't try to make sense of it becaues it makes no sense. Just so you know my Mom did the same thing as your wife did. She left and none of us have seen her for 30 years.

My mom will call once in a while but I will not even talk to her anymore. You see she is probably the most unhappy person I have ever talked too. She is angry about everything and I don't love her at all.

My dad did suffer for her actions. He ended up dying earlier than he should have but all of the kids loved our dad and none of us love our mom. She left and I guess life did not turn out for her. She sucked the life out of him and I wish he would have moved on but she was a thorn in his side for the rest of his life. She would even call him up and threaten him years after she left.

To this day when my mom tries to call she is so full of hate I cannot talk to her. It got to the point that I told her never to call or write me ever again. I could see where she sucked the life out of everyone and I was always such a happy person I just couldn't take her calls.

My advise is to move on. You can still have a happy life. Remember, you are getting rid of a cheating lying person that did not treat you like you deserved to be treated. The best way to get even would be to live your life and most importantly to be happy. I will bet you anything that your WW is a very unhappy person. Good luck to you.

Steve,

follow the advice. It's good. I think that I would even hit her up for court costs, child and personal counseling, Lawyer fees etc...

The fog is thick and maybe a little cold, hard truth is what is needed to pierce it and into her messed up thinking.

Loni