I've been in plan B for a couple weeks now and it was basically going very well, however I realized somehow that he really isn't ever coming back. Regardless of the OW, he doesn't want to be married to me any more. I see it in his eyes. I can chalk it up to fog or whatever but my reality is that no plan is going to recover this marriage.

Hubby rented an apartment 40 miles away, closer to his work, closer to her. He's moving tomorrow. He'll be coming to get some things then and sadly, I'm ok with it. I know I'll cry when the time comes but I think I've accepted that he doesn't love me any more and I have to let him move on. It breaks my heart to write that but I believe it's true. Now I need to learn to live with it.

IamLost, how can you possibly know it is over? I am not trying to give you false hope, but we have seen FAR WORSE situations than this come back from the dead.

You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain, by staying in your Plan B. The longer you are in Plan B, the more you can detach from his craziness and gain some semblance of sanity in your life. Just hang tight and start focusing ON YOURSELF. Focus on building a life without him and you won't be disappointed no matter what the outcome.

I am with Mel on this one. Give yourself some time and some space to think. I believe you are trying to save your heart any more hurt and I completely understand that. I am right there with you. My H left very recently and filed for divorce without ever telling me. Just look at my signature below and see the dates.

Solost, stay with us here on these boards. This is probably one of the most difficult sitchs of your life and you are going to hear all kinds of junk, from your WH, friends, ILs etc... They all have different reasons for telling you something. Either to make you do what they want (WH), or to keep you from getting hurt anymore (family).

Make Plan B all about you. Take care of yourself. Try new things that you didn't have time for when he was home. Now is the time to fertilize your grass on your side of the fence (you know, the grass is always greener syndrome). As with most WHs, the A will fizzle and die eventually. Even if your WH never wants to come home, you will have one beautiful lawn to be proud of.

((((lost))))
loni

Melody and Lori, I do plan to continue with plan B. I've just accepted that it is now about healing me, not about saving a marriage. He moves further away, physically and emotionally and I'm doing the same. It just doesn't seem lie there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Iamlost-

You and I are on the same boat. Recently implemented plan b 3/19/06. WH left for a business trip the next day out of state, and wont't be back 3/20. Coincidently, his MC advised him to use this time to do some soul searching by not having any contacts with anyone including his family.

My D-day was 2/1/06 and kicked him out that night. H lives withi his buddy (married, youth minister). OW lives less than 2 hrs away. WH had 1-1/2 year A.

Like you, a big part of me feels convinced our M is over. I've started preparing my life without him. Maybe as a defense mechanism so that in the event it leads to D, the fall won't be as painful for me.

My MC recommended a couple of books by Susan Jeffers, PhD. 1) "Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway"-techniques for turning fear, indecision and anger into power and love

2) "End the Struggle and Dance with Life"- How to build yourself up when the whole world gets you down.

I'm usually not into the self-help books, but I can honestly say that these books made me realize things about myself and gave me the strength every morning to "DECIDE" that I'm not going to let my WH and the OW win.

Remember, as BS, the only way we can get even is to not let them se us fall apart.

Good luck
Stargazelily

Me: BS 46
WH: 42
M 3 years, known each other 6 yrs.
No kids