I think my WW's EA is over. No cell calls, no calls from home (I have both covered). In the past she called him from public phones, so how do I really know?

I assume that Plan B is not needed if the A ends with Plan A - is that right?

How do you really know the A is over, however? Do I have to snoop forever? That is what I feel like doing, but it's a pain.

She doesn't really appreciate the severity of what she did either (since it was not a PA) which makes it even harder. She downplays it.

Thanks.

193296, you do have to snoop to ensure the affair is really over. That is what you sign on for when you make the decision to stay, sadly. Plans A and B are for the purpose of ending the affair only.

If she is calling from public phones, she may be pulling the car up a pay phone and talking to him from her car. If that is the case, a voice activated recorder might catch her conversation. She will get sloppy, though, so keep your eyes peeled. Does she talk to him via the computer?

ML - Thanks. I think I am going to add a recorder to the car - she was going into a store before (over 5 weeks ago) but I have thought about the drive up pay phone thing too. I'd really like to hear a call between her and a friend - she tells them the truth (sometimes).

I don't think she talks on the computer to him, but I am not positive. I have not done a key logger, but I do have access to her email and I check it often. Of course, I know she sent him one email and then deleted it from her "Sent" file because she told me about it (also 5 weeks or so ago).

She told me about 5 weeks ago (when I caught her calling him after she had promised NC 3 weeks earlier) that she was over him - over the "crush" she said she had. I don't really know if she's lying or not. She lied a lot earlier.

Bear in mind, however, that this was an EA that lasted for about 4 weeks total. I found out after the first 10 days and she promised NC. I found out 3 weeks after that that she had called him a few times. She actually confessed to 3 or 4 calls - I only knew about 1. As I said before, she said she was over it largely because of efforts I had made over those 3 weeks - Plan A basically - trying very hard to meet her ENs. I just have a bad feeling she is still talking to him - largely because I don't think she appreciates how big a deal it is (she says since it was not a PA, it was not an A ...).

I wish I could check his cell phone records - all I need are the last 4 nos. of his SSN and I think I could. I don't have that, however, and it's probably illegal to do it.

I also have to see the OM every once in a while. We go to the same church, kids in same school and kids are friends. Makes it hard.

Anyway, the other problem I am really having now is that this has dramatically changed the whole way I feel about her - in about a 3 week period - I don't think I will ever get that back and I don't think she realizes it. Not sure I really want to stay with her. I am going to keep trying for sake of kids, but I am not real sure anymore. I do know that I don't want to stay with her if she starts it up again. I don't think I love her enough anymore to put up with that again.

So at what point can you quit snooping?

When trust is restored. And even then, you will want to keep your eyes peeled for the rest of your married life. Trust...but verify.

Have you spoken to him? Is he married and have you exposed this affair?

I would put that keylogger on her computer, too. She may be sending him emails and you can at least see what she is typing to him. A good one is actmon which is at www.actmon.com. You can have the reports emailed to another computer.