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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 140
M
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 140
I have just gotten out of a 20 year marriage. I have had a female friend for over 30 years ,but only talked with her online,and seen her at a couple funerals during my marriage.
She has been married for about 15 years,and it isnt a good one.Now that she knows I am finished with ex ww,she has been calling ,emails,and asked me to get together.
Her husband has heard the whole family mention me many times
WE went out last night ,and had a few drinks ,and played pool,and I brought her over my place to give her some old photos I had of her ,and her mother who has passed.
She called her husband to pick her up at the pub we were at,and he met me . Today she called again,and wants to see me more often.I have not had any physical contac with her except a hug when we meet ,and she goes,and she hugged me in front of her husband too.
I was wondering if this is ok for me to have a female friend who is married ,and the husband is aware of it.
I won't cross the line ,and do anything to make her feel un-comfortable ,or something I may regret later on ,but what if she wants to get closer to me? I dont want to lose her as my best friend.

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 630
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Posts: 630
As someone whose W just had an EA with a friend of hers (and may still be for all I know), you should be very careful with this person. If she is already having marital issues, you will not be helping her at all. I realize she is your friend, but I think you should stay away if her husband is not there and maybe even if he is.

I would never want to cause anyone to go through what I am going through right now (except for the OM of course, who deserves it).

Joined: Sep 2003
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Warning - You are very vulnerable right now. It might be better to hang with some male friends.

I had a ONS with an old friend 2 years after D-day. It started out completely innocent. He was so kind to me, and after being ignored for so long, I hopped into the sack with him.

It ruined our friendship, and made me feel awful.

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,197
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Joined: Sep 2005
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I would invite her husband to come along. Your intentions may be above board, but hers may not be. If she balks or makes excuses why her hubby can't come out to play, you may have a problem on your hands.


Me-41 BS (FWS)
DH-41 WS (FBS)
2DD's- 10 and 12
Married 15 years
Separated for 2 years after my A
Reconciled for 1 year before his A
D-day for his A 8/23/05
WH moved out 9/16/05
Divorce final 1/23/07
Affair ended or month or so later
My Story
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,025
See her only with her husband. Include him in the "circle of trust". If she shares personal information about her marriage indicate that you do not feel comfortable discussing it. Tell her you value her friendship and you have no intention of doing ANYTHING inappropriate with her and not interested in it either (probably by saying you are not in a place emotionally to consider ANY relationship).

If you even hint that things could be different if she was not married or got divorced that is going over the line.

If your relationship has already crossed that line end it.

You are in dangerous territory and as pointed out...you are vulnerable.

Mr. Wondering


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 428
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Quote
She has been married for about 15 years,and it isnt a good one.

That comment alone tells me this isn't a good idea. You are at risk and she's giving you the signs that she is willing. If you continue in your current direction, you are headed for an affair.


Moderated by  Fordude 

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