I'm recently divorced, a mother of 2 beautiful babies, and seeing a wonderful man. Well, what's the problem? I am totally wishy-washy. My husband and I divorced (it was my idea), rather amicably. He never said, "Don't do this," or "I love you, let's work it out," or anything of the sort. He seemed more mad at me than anything, and shortly after our separation, went into the "Everything has to revolve around you," and "It's what YOU want" spiel. I started seeing a man shortly after our separation. Then the conversations turned into, "You're such a ******," etc. etc. I cried so many tears, just because I didn't think he could be that mean, but in retrospect, I understand that this divorce hurt him, and that's just how he was handling it. I love my XH--he is a wonderful man, and a good father. HOWEVER, we did not have a good, loving relationship. We, together, lacked affection, attention, and mutual respect for each other. We were like roomates with children. So I asked for a divorce.
The man I'm seeing (and have been for the last 6 months), is incredible. He's loving, respectful, affectionate...and the list goes on. He's everything that I always wished I had in my XH. BUT...and here's what I don't understand...I sometimes still long for my XH. His company, his ways...oddly enough, I NEVER long/wish for anything sexual with XH--just him, in general. What gives? Is this normal? Is this some kind of random push that I should be with him? What the ******...really, this is so confusing.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm happy you found us, because it seems that you need to do some reading here. You said you lacked affection, attention and mutual respect in your marriage. I will warn you that the same thing will probably happen with the new man in your life if you marry him.

Marriage takes a lot of work, and also the willingness to endure through the bad times. I promise you that no matter who you marry, there will be bad times.

So stick around and do some reading here. I think you will be glad you did.

Thanks for the welcome--I appreciate it. My XH and I started dating when I was 17, married when I was 21, and nearly 10 years later, divorced. We both came to the conclusion that neither of us were ready to get married when we did--we just thought that we "should," and that we were "supposed" to--it was just the next step. We've always had a more "buddy-buddy" relationship than a romantic relationship; that's just how were were. Even now, divorced as we are, our relationship is pretty much the same as it was when we were married. Friends.

Well, you still can learn a lot here. There are tons of people who married too young, married because they were pregnant, married for all of the wrong reasons, etc. etc. Many have learned how to have wonderful marriages.

Keep reading.

I've read a lot of things that suggest that the romance and lust usually fades -- but a good friendship and compatibility endures. If you divorced a wonderful man, a great father to your small children and a good friend because you didn't feel romantic, then that may have been shortsighted.

But what do I know, my WH is doing the same thing that you did. When you're 80 years old and rocking on the porch, who do you want to be spending time with?

I want to end up rocking with someone that loves me for who I am. Someone who respects me, my opinion, and what I have to offer. My XH was a wonderful man, but didn't make NEARLY enough deposits in my love bank. Our divorce was not merely a light decision--it is something that we had discussed on and off over the past 3 years. I don't think that it's too much to ask to have a partner that not only respects me, but holds affection for me, too (is it???).