My husband and I married in November of 2005. I then became step mom to a 4 1/2 year old. Our relationship is almost perfect, except the fact that his ex controls every aspect of his and his daughters relationship. What she says gos, and she just moved 200 miles away and still demands the he take her every other weekend, and if she doesn't feel like she wants to come get her on sunday(which we have to meet her half way,)she will say fine " I'm not coming to get her she can stay the week. My husband and I are not set up to have her during the week, I work 1st shift where he works 2nd. We don't have a lot of money to be missing work or barely feed her sometimes. The daughter is just about 5 yrs. and can barely speak sentences let alone speak clearly. The mother obviously cares only for herself if she deprives her child of school that week she leaves her down her to miss school that whole week. I tell my husband to take her to court to get the visitation in writting, so she can't abandon her like that without consequenses. He agrees, but a soon as he talks to the ex again, she talks him out of that. And pretty much thinks that my idea is crap and there is no reason for this. This has happened twice in a 1 year period, and hes ok with that!!!!! He listens to everything she says and obeys like a dog!!! It makes me sick that he gets walked all over by her and in turn walks all over me.. I just can't take it!!!

Help alk11

I think I may have a suggestion for you. You can PM me if you want to, ( I tried to PM you, but that option isn't working) or email me off the board....

Troubleina@gmail.com

I hope my response doesn't come across as harsh...it is intended to be more factual or reflective than anything.


Congratulations. You're a new step-mom and your H continues to remain her dad.


I'm not following this. It may not be the ideal situation, different shifts, but sounds like one of you is there at all times to be with the child? Why would anyone have to be missing work? And what do you mean, "barely feed her sometimes?" Stands to reason if having a 5 yr old child with you for one week is putting a great strain on finances, either better paying jobs or better budgeting is in order...not just for that but other things too!


So why the language problem? Just shy? Fear of stuttering? Has she been diagnosed w/a development disorder? What's going on there?


Just a comment - it's not abandonment if she entrusts the child's care to her father, and he's agreed.


Two weeks in a span of one year? And you're classifying it as abandonment? She's 5 years old, she's not missing any college-prep tests yet. She is ALSO your H's daughter. Why shouldn't he be okay with that? He gets to spend a little more time with his child! I submit to you, is it POSSIBLE there is no good reason in the grand scheme of things for your idea of your H going back to court?


How exactly is he getting walked all over by her? And how is he walking all over you? Is there more to this story?

I could be very wrong, but my perception is you simply don't want the child there any more than specific weekend visitations...and may only grudgingly accept that. This may breed a lot of resentment for your H, toward you. Why are you feeling this way? That little girl is his no matter what. Wouldn't it be better for your marriage to try to work WITH the situation instead of against it? I would genuinely like to hear your thoughts. I fear that you're coloring the picture negatively due to insecurity. He married you. And he has a very young child in his life too, and needs to communicate with the's child's mother and make decisions. It's going to be that way at least until the child becomes an adult, maybe even longer. How are YOU going to fix your marriage?